the dreaming tree

i’m really tired after this past week. first off, we had a great time playing at the music hall on monday with deas vail. they’re a really great band, and they seemed to like us ok, so maybe we’ll get to play with them again sometime. we got back to little rock at like 2:30 am, and i had to be at work at 7:30…i made it by 8. actually, it doesn’t matter what time i go, i just have to work 40 hours over the course of the week. that includes this week. so if you’re keeping track, i worked 40 hours in 4 days, which means i’m quite exhausted, especially since i keep doing stuff at night and not going to bed like maybe i should. i went and saw superman on wednesday, and i really enjoyed it overall. kevin spacey is amazing, and i thought the rest of the cast did a pretty good job. anyway, there’s that…a boring post. here’s a picture from last saturday that i like:

i dreamed that for some reason father maple was doing a photo shoot with…andrew osenga. like, he was in the pictures with us. and i think ella (his baby daughter) was there, too. i’m not sure why he was taking pictures with us. maybe it’s because i fantasize about being in a band with him…er…anyway, we were bustling around nashville trying to get some cool shots, and we just kept getting more and more frustrated because we didn’t think the photographer cared about the job and was taking stupid pictures. after the shoot was over, andy and i got in his car…he dropped an f-bomb (don’t worry, ella wasn’t around) about the photographer and we both complained about how we coulda done a much better job ourselves with a tripod and a timer. then we decided to go get pizza and laugh about the whole thing.

the end.

last night i watched the lion, the witch and the wardrobe for the first time since seeing it in theaters. i started watching it only passively, concurrently working a crossword puzzle, but i kept finding myself on the verge of tears. i don’t mind saying that i tear up a lot during movies, but not usually when it’s just on and i’m not really paying attention, so that was…well, actually kinda cool. the emotions lingered throughout the entire film, and a few tears did eventually find their way to my cheek. most of the time i was reacting not to something sad that took place, but something deeper, something rawer that i can’t really describe. and truth be told, i get hit by the same thing when i’m reading the wonderful books c.s. lewis produced, perhaps even moreso than they did when i was a child hearing them for the first time. particularly, it’s love. love manifested in the actions of his characters to show the glory, even in small measure, of God’s love for us. it’s how i should react anytime i hear the Gospel, but i don’t always, so perhaps it’s good to have stories that reflect its truths and remind me of how i should react. and hopefully drive me back to it. i don’t know, that’s not a very well-developed point, but i’m thankful for the stories that reflect God’s truths.

this weekend:

met my sister’s serious boyfriend, who is 6′6″ like me, but a doctor not-like-me. so i guess he wins. the speculation from my parents is that they could get engaged, so that’s a little weird.

celebrated my brother’s 21st birthday with a steak dinner and…wine. yes, at home. also weird…but fun, nonetheless.

saw murder by death at vino’s and was blown away. their album is on sale at best buy this week for $7.99, and i highly recommend it. check them out on myspace: www.myspace.com/murderbydeath. also performing that night was langhorne slim, who i also enjoyed thoroughly. they were a three-piece: acoustic, upright bass and drums (and singing, obviously). it was like ryan adams meets johnny cash or something. here’s their myspace: www.myspace.com/langhorneslim.

i found out today that my grandmother has some form of dementia, which could very possibly lead to alzheimer’s. she’s been struggling for awhile with her ability to think and remember and related things. that’s really all i know, and i haven’t had much time to digest it yet…but i’d appreciate your prayers for her, pauline newbill.

i almost wrote a long rant about how joel osteen is what’s wrong with christianity in america today.

then i realized that i’m what’s wrong with christianity. and the world. i loathe my self-rightousness, my unbelief and my callousness, my contempt and unlove for others. there are things i disagree with about mr. osteen’s ministry and his book, things that i think are detrimental to the growth of the kingdom, but i don’t know that it’s my place to vigorously criticize him. maybe instead i should be worried about how i am furthering God’s kingdom, and how he has called me to impact my world.

that said, perhaps i will write a bit about what i find troubling in modern american christianity. and remember that i am as guilty as any other of distorting God’s truth, abandoning him to “save” myself in certain situations and seeking vain things.

christianity is not about feeling better about yourself. i just went to mr. osteen’s church’s website, and the heading there is “discover the champion in you.” exactly who is it they’re claiming to worship over there? which gospel do they proclaim? because there is no champion in you. there is no gospel in you…me. the point of christianity is that Jesus is the champion and only redeemer for sinners. and we’re all sinners. and yes, it’s offensive to us (to me), but it’s the truth. there is nothing we can do to save ourselves, and no inner strength from which to draw. preaching about anything less than the supremacy of God and his glory in all things…is a lie.

from the website, a summary of his book your best life now devotional: “In his new book, Joel Osteen prepares us to embrace the life God intended us to have. His 90 days of motivational thoughts, inspirational messages, and Scripture verses will strengthen our beliefs–both in God, in others, and in ourselves–and only then will we be able to rise above our obstacles and live in health, abundance, and victory.” um…no. the life God intended us to have is found in Christ alone, and that may not mean we will “live in health, abundance, and victory.” in fact, christians are promised suffering: “yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution” 2 timothy 3:12. Christ suffered and he was perfectly in the will of the Father, in all things…was he missing out on something more that God promised? no. and neither are we when we are in Christ. from derek webb: “the floodwaters of blessings have already been given to you and they were given to you the day that you received Christ, the day that you obtained his righteousness as your own was the day that you received all the blessings, all the rewards, all the inheritance. There is nothing more, please never let anyone tell you that there is…”

i guess i just get a little upset when churches proclaim this doctrine of prosperity. when i hear that 11.000 people went last night to hear him preach in my hometown, i get nervous about what he taught them. because we are always looking for something more, aren’t we? we want to hear that God is going to rain down all these “blessings” on us; that we will prosper according to the world’s definition…at least i do. our society is obsessed with seeking riches, and despite the biblical teaching that that is not proof of salvation, so many christians, i’m afraid, equate it as such. and so many use christianity as an excuse to hearken after rewards because they have been faithful and deserve it, when, in fact, the opposite is true. this does not mean that being rich is a sin, but desiring that above all else, and believing that being a christian entitles you to worldly wealth, is.

i wrote more than i intended, but i couldn’t help myself, because it stirs me so.

blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

more derek webb:

What looks like failure is success
And what looks like poverty is riches
When what is true looks more like a knife
It looks like you’re killing me
But you’re saving my live

chorus:
But I give myself to what looks like love
And I sell myself for what feels like love
And I pay to get what is not love
And all just because I see things upside down

What looks like weakness can do anything
And what looks like foolishness is understanding
When what is powerful has not come to fight
It looks like you’re going to war
But you lay down your life

What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
And I say I don’t know you
But you say it’s finished

–”what is not love”

the weirdest emotional thing ever happened to me the other night: at the mention of someone i used to know, i started laughing uncontrollably…and cried at the same time. i don’t even know what emotion i was particularly feeling…maybe every one possible? because i didn’t quite feel like i was laughing so hard tears were falling, but literally that i was laughing and sobbing, almost to the upmost extreme of each. and i didn’t know why. and i couldn’t stop. it went on for a good 5 minutes, and then i sorta settled down, but it was really strange. really kinda freaky. and i don’t want to think about her anymore.

i’m too tired to write anything of substance. but work isn’t so bad…listening to lots of music and some pretty awesome podcasts–les newsom, r.c. sproul and john piper were today’s highlights. if you have any recommendations for me to listen to, well…tell me. please. and now i’m going to go make some frito pie and then veg out on the couch. peace.