the dreaming tree

weird things:

my cat has an artificial hip…his got a little ripped up during a fight.
my knee had spasms all day long.
i have a moustache.

that’s really all i got right now. i’ve been thinking about other issues that i don’t really want to talk about. namely having ptsd because of a girl, who happened to get married last saturday. oops. i feel lame and stupid. and it frustrates me that i can’t not think about it. i feel weak-minded. i feel like i gave away too much of my heart, and that i’ll never get back enough of it to truly devote to someone else. cause i just threw it all into that one, first relationship. i’m such a fool. still, God is merciful and good, which is about the only thing i can count on. so here’s a hymn:

“God moves in a mysterious way” by william cowper (that’s pronounced “cooper”)

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

i especially like it because it’s so easy to get frustrated with life and events that confuse me, but so comforting to be reminded that there is a sovereign God, who also loves and cares for me as a son, because of his Son. i wish i always believed it. i wish i always wanted to believe it. only God can sustain me through the fierce unbelief i have. i want to say i’m trying to believe, trying to be a better christian…but i’m missing the point if i say that, because God does it all, and i have no capability to do anything. Jesus saves by faith, which isn’t even of myself. thank God for that.