the dreaming tree

i’m kind of annoyed by the fact that i don’t care as much about baseball as i used to. i don’t really understand why, either. oh well. i also didn’t make the a team in ultimate, which means i’m on the b team for the fall (sorta like varsity/junior varsity). that made me a little unhappy, especially since i missed the official tryout practice because of a father maple show. i mean, i’m not sure if that was the only reason, but surely it played a part. and i wouldn’t be so upset about it if there weren’t guys who made the a team that i’m better than. or at least i believe i am. anyway, the good news is that i can still be on a team for the spring, which is when the real season is…i just have to be committed to working hard and showing that i can dominate. cause i can. and i will.

oh man…i had some stuff to write, but i just forgot most of it because i’m laughing so hard watching the daily show. we did play last night at juanita’s, and it was…ok. there were some frustrating things, but i guess there will always be some kind of frustration to deal with, and so really all we can do is play the way we know how…which is harder than you might think sometimes. we broke out a full-scale version of “goodnight, moon,” and it went over really well with the crowd, even though it wasn’t too polished. i think it’s gonna be really good once we get the hang of playing it together. it’s also exciting because it’s the first song we’ve really collaborated on as far as ideas and words and musical stuff, and it might be one of our best songs yet, which means we’re growing together as writers and musicians, and that’s really neat. i said neat. anyway, i’ll post the lyrics soon and see what y’all think. oh yeah, and johnny raines played a trumpet line along with it (at the show) that makes it sound kinda sufjan-esque, and also when we all sang “la la la” at the end…which is probably pointless to talk about on a text-only blog, but trust me, it was cool. probably the happiest moment i’ve had on stage in awhile (which isn’t saying i’ve not been happy on stage, but this one was overwhelmingly happy)…especially when michael and i were singing into the same mic. i don’t know…it was cool. and one more thing, the tv appearance went well, too. i’ll try to figure out if i can get it on the net somehow.

[edit]
here are the lyrics for “goodnight moon”

goodnight moon
there’s no place to rest our heads tonight
cause our time has come and gone
there’s no use in putting up a fight
we’re all alone
our starry friends have all left town
but don’t hang your head cause our time will come around

goodnight friend
this world has torn us both apart
but we still have the night;
the darkness uniting both our hearts
i was yours
you were mine
and thats enough to know that when the end must come
we’ll still be holding on

and we will sing la la la la

goodnight moon
there’s no place to rest our heads tonight
cause our time has come and gone
there’s no use in putting up a fight
you have yours
and i am quite content with mine
but we will meet again
on the other side

and we will sing la la la la

love doesn’t end after the end has come
after the end must come

[/edit]

serious stuff later, perhaps.

i had a pretty crazy weekend…we played two whole shows. ridiculous! and we have another on tuesday. this one is kinda biggish for us cause we’re playing at juanita’s in little rock, which for ya’ll that don’t know, is a pretty big deal. at least for arkansas. and us. anyway, we’re also going to be playing on live television for the first time when we play on the local abc affiliate’s morning show. oh yes, it’s true. if i can figure out how, maybe i can get some of that on youtube or something. so that’s exciting.

there are other things on my mind, too. i spent a lot of the weekend trying to clear my head, and i think i succeeded. i also realized that i’m a relationship retard, but michael gave me some tips on that (he’s getting married, so i have to trust him), and did a good job encouraging me, too. i’m always up for some encouragement.

“break the same” might have a little reggae flavor in it…but maybe not. i am watching cool runnings, though, so that’s a factor.

i’ve been numb for the past 48 hours. i can’t really explain why, or what to do. i’m scared of the future. i’m afraid of my failures continuing to mount until i crack and wither, or whatever descriptive imagery you want to apply. i want to say i hate my life, but i can also think of a number of things that i do like, even if they don’t always seem like solid things to me. i try to pretend i don’t care, but i do. i care a lot. and just what is it about being alone that brings out the worst in me? fiddle faddle. one thing that did brighten my day was my composition lesson. i’m enjoying it again, for one, but today i just wanted to laugh. most of you won’t know what this means, but my prof was looking over a new piece i handed him and asked if i had used set theory (a pretty involved, mathematical way of writing, to put it briefly) to compose it. and before i could really answer he started pointing out all these things that i had done that seemed to jive quite nicely and logically with set theory. but the thing is, i hadn’t done that at all…at least consciously. i basically wrote what my ear told me was what i wanted for that piece (which is for piano and trumpet if you’re just so curious), and that somehow came out organized in ways i had never dreamt of, and probably never would have applied to the piece if i was asked to analyze it. and i just thought that was really amusing and interesting to be shown my mind working in a way i didn’t realize. i wonder how it’ll effect my work on the rest of the piece. i think it actually opened some doors for me, cause now i recognize a tool i can use to sort of bring the piece together and improve on it. but i also have to be sure i trust my instinct, which is what the professor urged me to do, rather than simply work within this theory, which i don’t really fully understand (or..maybe i do and didn’t know it). other than that hour, though, i remained mostly numb today.

well, the hogs got the win, but it wasn’t all pretty. i mean, we did pitch a shutout, but still, there are many things that still need some work before we start sec play next week against vandy. however, darren mcfadden showed once again how much of a beast he is, running for 184 yds. on 20 carries–that’s 9.2 per. and he had a 50+ yard run called back on a (bogus) holding call. and for those that don’t know, mcfadden severely dislocated his left big toe a month ago, so the fact that he’s even playing is remarkable. also, mitch mustain looked…ok. he did some good things, and i think he’ll be really good for us eventually. anyway, it’s exciting to have a win. go hogs!

i’ve just been cleaning out my composition bag for the first time in probably a thousand years. i mean, it’s seriously been since i was at ouachita, and even there i rarely cleaned it out. so i’ve been running across old recital programs, seeing names i haven’t really thought of in a couple of years, and generally feeling nostalgic for those times. but at the same time, i think i’m getting a little excited about writing music again…which is good considering i’m a composition major and i’ve got to present a recital next semester. i have a lesson tomorrow, so i’m trying to prepare for that, and i’m really hoping that i can get back into writing regularly. i used to enjoy it and do it all the time, but it’s been years since that time. i want to blow everyone away with my recital. it’ll take some work, which is something i’m apparently averse to…soooo…yeah. Lord willing, the trend will change.

sometimes i try to fathom what it’s like to be in prison for a long period of time….and lo and behold there’s a program on fx called 30 days in which this guy who is not supposed to be there is imprisoned in a county jail for 30 days to experience life as an inmate, including a 72 hour stint in solitary confinement. not that i really learned anything that i didn’t already expect about prison life, but it was still interesting to watch. cause there are so many things that i wish i could experience, but most likely never will. i mean, i’m not planning on ever going to jail, especially just so i can experience it, but still, i do wonder about such things. i’d also like to skydive sometime. but i don’t really want to bungee jump. i’d like to climb mt. everest, but that’s actually really dangerous, not to mention expensive. and maybe someday i can win a rap battle…i guess first i have to learn how to rap, which could be difficult, if not completely unrealistic. anyway, that’s all i got…i’m kinda bummed right now cause of arkansas’ loss to usc, which was very disappointing after being so excited for it since last december. but hey, there are still 11 games left in the season, so hope springs eternal.