what do i call something that’s just like all the others?

Ξ April 27th, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ life, love and the pursuit of God, poems |

i wrote this poem in 10th grade–10 years ago–but it still feels pretty apt to what i experience in my life everyday, so i’m posting it again, rather than rambling on about the things i hate and how i’m sick and tired of life. i’m tired of letting people down. letting my God down. i want to be folded into safety, but that’s not coming for a long time, and i’m impatient. so impatient.

the stinging desert wind,
steadily rising as if urged on
by an higher authority:
biting, it is hurting me–
can i trust it, or will
i be abandoned?

like the blanket too short
for my bed, the truth never
entirely covers my contorted
body, convulsing in an attempt
to realize its message, screaming,
sweating, it won’t find me

can i become? what?
help me, i must succeed…
when i was younger, though
still i am, wandering, searching;
help me. allow the fall to be
cushioned by the softness of your
Power.

 

cleaning and baseball…it must be spring

Ξ April 18th, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ could be anything, sports |

i’ve been cleaning my apartment. and i’m talking to whole works (at least for a guy): scrubbing, mopping, dusting, scrubbing more, vacuuming…i’ve also done four loads of laundry tonight, including sheets, towels and bath mats. yes, it’s a lot of work, but i’m finding it oddly satisfying and not that annoying. i don’t know what that means, or why i’m writing it on the internet, but i just thought, you know, do that.

in other news, the texas rangers (my team) got no-hit tonight by mark buehrle of the chicago white sox. i love baseball, even when my team is on the wrong side of a no-hitter. i surely miss playing it. my former school, ouachita baptist, is currently ranked #2 in division ii baseball, with a record of 44-4, a feat which is intensely incredible. while i was there we averaged about 12-15 wins a season. in just two years, a new coach has completely and utterly turned the program around. amazing. and i really wish i were there to enjoy it. of course, the arkansas razorbacks aren’t too shabby, either, but i never played baseball for them like i did for ouachita. by the way, the hogs are ranked in the top 10 in all the major polls, so that’s awesome. i could go on and on, because baseball makes me swoon.

 

days

Ξ April 5th, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ life, love and the pursuit of God |

there are days i feel like i’ll explode if i have to live anymore.
there are days i don’t want to talk to anyone.
there are days i lose control.
there are days i hate.
there are days i cry.
there are days i love.
there are days i tell jokes.
there are days i write poetry.
there are days i breathe the air and smile.
there are days i want to suck all the marrow out of life.

and i need them all.

 

not all who wander are lost…but i am

Ξ April 3rd, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ life, love and the pursuit of God |

i don’t have anything useful to say, which is fine, i guess, because i don’t think anyone is counting on me to say anything at all, much less something useful. however, i am more than a little annoyed by the fact that there is nothing in my brain these days which i feel must be communicated with the outside world. what is that? weaksauce. so it looks like i’m just writing about nothing again, because that’s what my life feels like…nothing. i must be an emo kid. i’m tired of always wondering what the point of my life is, wondering where i’m wandering. i’m still lost.

 

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