the dreaming tree

so last friday father maple (my band) played at wild river country (a water park) for a citywide youth group-type event of some sort. of course i was super excited about playing in the water and on the slides for free. and so there i was, feeling pretty confident because, well, i was one of the attending rockstars, which always feels great. i was waiting in line for one of the slides and there was a high school kid next to me. a little ways down the line was a group of high school girls who, upon seeing this guy, all waved and did that high school girl thing. now i’m pretty sure this guy was not one of the recognized awesome cool guys at school. he was a little overweight, pretty reserved…all that kind of thing, but still a cool guy. our conversation was as follows:

david: dude, that’s awesome, girls never waved to me like that in high school.

chris (the kid): yeah, well, it’s nothing special…they always do that when they see me.

david: but still, they’re waving at you and being glad to see you…would you rather them not?

chris: i don’t know…

david: maybe it’d be more special if they gave you a hug or a kiss or something…

chris: yeah, especially the one in the black…

david: (high five) alright, man, you need to start talking to her!

chris: yeah, i asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime, and she said sure, but i didn’t say when…

david: (interrupting) DUDE! you have to tell her when!

chris: well, the next time i did…i said, do you want to do something on tuesday. she couldn’t, but she told me to ask her again the next day, but when i did, she said she was sick, so i haven’t asked her since then…

(at this point he is kind of dejected)

david: ok, dude, listen…she told you to ask her again, not to get away from her. you have to keep after her. ask her again…she wants to know that you care enough. you have to pay attention to all her little hints…she’s not going to come right out and tell you she likes you, that’s not how they roll. you’re going to regret it if you don’t get a definitive answer from her…you just have to be confident.

chris: yeah, that makes sense.

david: in fact, my band is about to play…go ask her to dance, she’ll love that.

chris: maybe…

david: ok dude, good luck…wwhhhheeeeee!! (because at that point it was my turn to slide down the slide)

anyway…i thought it was hilarious that i offered any kind of girl advice/encouragement to him, because i was totally the shy reserved guy until about two months ago. and that’s that story.

http://dmiessler.com/blogarchive/the-nice-guy-paradox-solved

this is a pretty interesting take on nice guys’ frustrations with girls, something that i’ve been thinking about and trying to deal with a lot recently…read it and see what you think. i might have some comments of my own later.

i recently watched almost famous (the director’s cut, which is really fantastic). i think one of my favorite quotes, from a movie full of good ones, is the following, spoken by lester bangs (played by the always brilliant philip seymour hoffman):

“the only true currency in this bankrupt world… is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.”

i’m pretty much always uncool. but i try to act like i am, which probably completely negates that true currency thing. i think the only times i feel like i’m not completely bullshitting everyone around me is when music is involved. and even then i feel like i put on a front, consistently doing my best to shroud shortcomings until i feel safe enough to fully expose what i consider to be the most privileged information about myself. but at the same time, i treat that shroud as something that can allow a little light inside, revealing shadows of what is beneath. i dangle carrots, hoping they’ll be pursued and i can talk about myself, reveal myself fully to another human, longing to make a connection that is deeper than the idle words we speak. i want to be cool…or do i want to remain uncool? i want them to know that i’m not trying to impress them, i’m not trying to win them over anymore. i merely want them to grapple with my uncoolness–and then decide they’re not too cool to stay with me for a little while. maybe a long while. of course, this is what everyone wants, and what everyone finds so difficult to truly grasp.