the dreaming tree

so i was hanging out with my friend heather last night, eating dinner at her apartment, when i decided to take a bite of chicken that ended up being a little bigger than manageable. as i was trying to swallow this piece, i began having a little trouble with it, so i decided to drink some water. well, the water wouldn’t go down because my throat was clogged, so that, i think, triggered my gag reflex and i spit up all the water. and that’s when i realized i couldn’t breathe. i also decided at that moment that i might need the heimlich maneuver, so i stood up and turned my back to heather (that sounds more straightforward and undramatic than it actually was, because, well, i was choking, but it was how i was thinking) so she could administer the manuever. i guess until then she still wasn’t sure that i was choking, so she asked me, rather frantically, are you choking? i nodded emphatically yes, then wondered if i needed to do the whole international sign for choking, but she understood, so i didn’t have to. so she climbed up on a chair, because i’m about 15 inches taller than her, and did the heimlich for what seemed like a minute or something, but it still wouldn’t come out. then i realized i was still holding my plate, at which point i just walked away from her and set it down, cause i didn’t want to spill the food everywhere. then i came back so she could keep going. i was really hoping to see a large bit of food fly across the room, but instead it just sort of worked its way down, i guess. felt like it took a few minutes, but i really don’t know. it was pretty exhilirating experience, though. i think i freaked her out more than i got freaked out. and she’s a nurse. but she saved my life, so thank God for her and her nursing skills. and also thank God for heimlich and his maneuver-designing skills.

a few weeks ago, i drove down to dallas to see ryan adams and the cardinals with michael, zach, caleb, daniel and scott. and also 1500 other people who i don’t really know.

michael and i arrived at the venue, which was on SMU’s campus, around 8:00. zach, caleb and daniel got there around the same time. scott didn’t arrive until 9:00 or so. read about his adventure on his blog. it was in a very nice old auditorium, and i think it was a pretty great venue for the show. taking our seats, we were pretty stoked about the upcoming madness. with no idea what exactly to expect, we were quite excited about the possibilities, while at the same time weary of adams’ reputation for having mid-show meltdowns. as we would soon experience, basically the entire crowd had the same thought and treaded softly between songs. and i think the band, and more importantly ryan adams, responded to the audience in a pretty positive way. and by positive, i mean playing one of the best shows i’ve ever experienced. the reason i have not written this post until now is because i didn’t feel like i could offer a truly accurate depiction of my experience. so this is basically just storytelling. in fact, if you so desire, you can listen to the concert streaming on archive.org. pretty good quality, too.

i guess what i can tell you is that i don’t remember the last concert i attended that absolutely screamed at me, “you have to do this…you have to make music!” that was the biggest thing i walked away with, a pressing need to produce the kind and quality of music i heard at SMU that night. i walked away feeling jealous, while at the same time awed, of the masterful work the band had done on stage. while some may be intimidated by an artist of that magnitude, it only makes me want to drop everything and work to get to that level. as michael declared, “emergency rehearsal!”

after the show we drove around hoping to find some beer. unfortunately, texas sucks and there is no beer sold after 12:00. so we journeyed a little more to find an open bar near my grandmother’s house, where we would be staying, and ate some dinner and drank some beer. on the way out, michael and i decided to do some tequila shots. so we went to the bar and stood there while the bartender was talking to a friend or something, with his back turned to us. no problem, i can wait a minute or two…until he turned, saw us, and then turned back around, making no motion to indicate he’d be with us in a moment. then he did the same thing a second time. that irked me, so i rattled an ashtray on the bar just a little bit, just to let him know i did, in fact, want to order something. he responded by walking over and calling us dics, and telling us that he was going to be a dic to us. i was like, look, i just want some tequila, do you think you can do that? so he gave us our stuff, but wouldn’t look at us while angrily counting out change on the counter. it was ridiculous, but i still gave him a dollar tip.

once at my grandmother’s house, which i love visiting and showing to new people, we stood outside, marvelling at what we had seen that night. he played a pretty intense set, which included favorites like “wonderwall,” “come pick me up,” “let it ride,” “o my sweet carolina,” “the sun also sets,” and a startling rendition of “i see monsters,” which almost sounded like a grateful dead song. we also had some great conversation about music in general, and i think politics or something, too, which was weird. all-in-all, it was such a fantastic experience. one day i hope to help create something just as amazing for someone else.

the breath on my neck is not hers
but i wish it was
i can’t say her name
but still it lingers
and my mind wanders back
into traces of old feelings
where her face is faded
and nearly unfamiliar
ghosts of belonging
swirl like a mist
across the water