Why is it…
Why is it that relationships are so hard? What is it about us as people that makes it difficult for us to communicate well with each other? I mean, I assume it’s because we’re fallen people, and so our relationships can’t be the optimal kind until we reach heaven, but come on, it’s just down right hard sometimes! These kinds of problems go on in all kinds of relationships of course, but I’m specifically thinking now about guy/girl relationships, in which there is either the potential or the reality of a romantic connection… these seem to be especially tough, and I’m talking from my perspective now. We’ve been talking about relationships some in my Bible study group (young adults, mostly single – 20s-40s) and we’re going to have a sit-down-and-talk-about-relationships talk next week, specifically addressing the guy/girl relationship in the context of our group – which might seem like a good idea on the face of it, but once we actually sit down, I’m thinking it’s going to be rather weird, but maybe that’s just me… Part of my thinks it’s just so official and rigid to have to set up a time to specifically address something that could just come up in conversation, but on the other hand I don’t want issues like this to stay unresolved if people think it will drag the group down…hmph…
One of the best things about this group is the diversity of the ages, backgrounds, experiences of the people in it – we’re all coming from different places trying to learn things together and from each other – it’s good to get different people’s perspectives on issues and hear other opinions apart from the things I’m used to hearing – but it’s also what makes things like relationships difficult sometimes, since not everyone is looking for the same thing, both in the sense that everyone may not be looking for a guy/girl relationship and also that people are certainly looking for different things in a potential mate. So conversations about relationships can get kind of hairy, and it’s certainly difficult to make generalizations even about our small little group of people…
And maybe one of my friends is right – we should just go to non-verbal communication to indicate interest in a person – something like flashcards that would eliminate the whole awkward ‘wanna go out sometime’ conversation… but maybe I’m just a sap, but I think that would be horribly un-romantic – and maybe without the risk, there wouldn’t be as much contentedness with the relationship (should it develop)… but I don’t know, seeing as how I’ve never really been in love… maybe skipping the part with the potential for hurt would make more sense sometimes…
Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant/blab on relationships – any insight from people would be helpful…
I’ll repeat a CSLewis quote from an earlier post since it’s appropriate here and I need to hear it quite often anyway:
Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want
to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an
animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all
entanglements. Lock it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will
not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To
love is to be vulnerable.
C.S. Lewis
On a lighter note, and for Beth’s update purposes, I’m having lunch with nurse Pettitt (otherwise known as Amy!) and we celebrated Kari and Wendi’s B-days last night at YAF – well, except Wendi couldn’t be there, but we celebrated with her in spirit! Rebecca made cake and cupcakes and would have made you proud Beth! At least Becky and I are going to go to a Warthogs game tonight – and the summer students will be there too, so that should be interesting – thirsty thursday!
Also, my Dad will be back in the states from Africa next Thursday, so prayers for safe travel and a good finale for his trip would be greatly appreciated – I’ll be glad to have him back safe and sound!
I’m out…
I wish that I had read your post before reading an email I got this morning with a sentence describing the upcoming “discussion”. Mind you, after actually talking with the sender on the phone, my confuzzlement was slightly aleviated; however, your post definitely cleared the remaining fog!
I agree that sitting down for a “chat” on the whole relationship topic (whether it’s officially classified as “formal” or “informal”) seems to be a bit awkward/wierd. It kind of reminds me of having “The Talk” as a kid – kind of painful, kind of awkward, but probably/definitely something that needed to be discussed.
In any case, I’m sure (well, I hope, at least) that it will be a somewhat fruitful discussion. I also hope that the overall response doesn’t turn into a scenario where once, in general, nobody asked anybody out to suddenly one where everybody asking everybody else out (that, obviously, is the unrealistic, worst-case nightmare scenario).
As I told someone today, there needs to be a healthy balance in The Group’s goals for relationships. Not everything has to be platonic, to be sure, but in NO WAY does The Group need to turn into some kind of “Java Junction” “market” either. And I certainly don’t claim to have the answers!
All of this reminds me of an article that appeared about a year ago in a sister publication of CT (TCW – and no, for those of you who might question my masculinity, I’m only an occasional reader!).
Don’t feel bad about your “rant/blab” on relationships…just look at how I’ve highjacked your blog!
you got an email? I didn’t get an email…hmmmm…yeah, it should be an interesting night…
The sentence in question came about during a “discussion” with C.T. after he emailed me saying that he wondered how I was doing and that he didn’t see me on there on Wednesday.
(I was at a work-related dinner in Chapel Hill – ate at La Residence. If you haven’t eaten there before, I highly recommend it – excellent food, service and atmosphere!)
I’m not one to sweep things under the proverbial rug, but I cringe inwardly whenever awkward public discussions like the topic in question come up. Like I said earlier, you kind of have to talk about it, but I’d rather not… (But then again, I cringe for the characters in various “awkward” scenarios and scenes in movies and on TV – and they aren’t even “real life” per se!)
ah, that explains it – and yes, it will probably be incredibly awkward, but apparently it’s something L thinks needs to be addressed, so at this point I’m willing to trust him (and Him) enough to go along with it for now…
and the restaurant sounds nice – fun to have a night out ‘on the town’ even if it is with work people!