Science (non) Fiction

Given some of the stuff going on in my personal life right now, this song has a lot to say about the situation - not that I agree completely with it, especially the ending (since I think God can fill us up enough for us to be complete in Him, without the need for another person), but the main message is right on with some stuff I’m struggling with in reference to issues in my family now (prayer is still much appreciated!) - again, the song is better with melody and words together, but you can get the idea…

Break in the cup
David Wilcox

I try so hard to please you
To be the love that fills you up
I try to pour on sweet affection,
But I think you got a broken cup.
Because you can’t believe I love you
I try to tell you that there is no doubt,
But as soon as I fill you with all I’ve got
That little break will let it run right out.

I cannot make you happy.
I’m learning love and money never do
But I can pour myself out ’til I’m empty
Trying to be just who you’d want me to.
But I cannot make you happy
Even though our love is true
For there’s a break in the cup that holds love
Inside of you.

Now I begin to understand you
As you explain this fear you feel.
It’s when you see me fall into that sorrow
It makes you doubt the love is real.
‘Cause the lonely wind still blows through me
I turn away so can’t see
But now how could I still be so empty
With all the love that you pour on me.

I guess you cannot make me happy
That’s a money back guarantee.
But you can pour yourself out ’til you’re empty
Trying to be just who I’d want you to be.
You cannot make me happy
It’s just the law of gravity
And that break in the cup that holds love,
Inside of me.

So if you’re tempted to rescue me
Drowning in this quicksand up to my neck
Before you grab my hand to save me
Why don’t you ask me if I’m finished yet.
Because you cannot make me happy
Not when I’m empty inside of me
But you can pull yourself right in here with me
My misery’d love to have your company.
We cannot trade empty for empty
We must go to the waterfall
For there’s a break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
Inside us all. Inside us all.

So I was going to post this last night, but the internet was down while I was volunteering, so I’ll try it now - got a haircut Wed night with Rebecca - of course, we had a blast, since it’s always fun to hang out with Cheryl, who also cuts/colors/styls our hair! She’s the best! Anyway, there’s no good ‘after shot’, cause I can’t get that picture to upload (it’s not the best pic anyway - hehe), but I’ll post the before one of the two of us and also one showing how much hair she cut off, mostly from me, but also quite a bit from Rebecca! I really like the cut and she gave me reddish highlights which are really fun! I’ve always wanted red hair!

Oh, and I was going to post another Get Fuzzy cartoon about world domination, but I can’t find it online yet, so maybe that will be coming later!

Just wanted to share with y’all the comic genius that is Darby Conley’s comic strip Get Fuzzy - couldn’t get them to work earlier, but I think I’ve got it now - maybe you have to understand the characters to think it’s hysterical (or maybe just have a warped sense of humor!), but I laugh out loud when I read it!
Enjoy!

On another note, I have several Christmas songs stuck in my head right now - can’t imagine why they’re there - but it’s frustrating…
“Silber bells, silver bells, it’s Christmas time in the city…”

My family is going through a bit of a rough time right now - I’d appreciate prayer when you think of us - prayer that God would work His will in this situation, that He would give us the words to say to each other for comfort and support, that He would give us peace…
Thanks!

So I’ve been reading some about reformed theology and I’m cool with everything so far - I agree with several people I’ve talked to in that it all comes down to total depravity - it’s not until we accept that we, in our natural state, can do nothing to recommend ourselves to God, that we can begin to see the truth - that rather than election being about who God comdemns, it’s about who He chooses to save, out of His mysterious mercy - and also understanding that just because something doesn’t make sense to me, doesn’t mean that it isn’t the most perfect, holy thing God could do - all of which goes back to the Table for Two post a little while ago. And as difficult as some of these concepts are to grasp, it’s easier (I think) than trying to understand a theology in which we have control over whether or not we’re chosen by God - but I’m still not 100% sure…

So it’s not official yet (grrr) but I am very close to being a 4th year grad student (or should I say, PhD candidate!) - which is frightening to the nth degree and also exciting - I don’t feel nearly ready enough to be this far along, but I remember feeling this way when I progressed into the upper levels of Sunday School, and suddenly realized that I was one of the ‘big kids’ now - yikes! This is going to be a big year, as I will have to publish at least the one paper I’m working on now, plus keep working on gathering data for a second paper (on which I will hopefully be first author - necessary for graduation) - plus I’ll have a full 1 hour seminar to give in the spring for the whole dept, and a lecture to give in one of the bacteriology classes for the 1st years (our dept’s only teaching requirement - grrrr) - and I hope my collaborator from NY will be able to come down this fall and I’ll need to have a committee meeting sometime before Christmas most likely - ahhh, the life of a grad student! But I’m actually enjoying most of the work I’m doing right now (except the necessary committee stuff) - the lab work is mostly enjoyable currently and I’m actually moving forward on several fronts and got some really good suggestions/direction from meeting with committee members, which has slightly rejuvenated me and parts of the project - very good!

In other news, Mom has a job interview tomorrow, so prayer for her would be greatly appreciated by all - it’s kind of a crticial one, as lots depends on whether or not this goes well, so I think she’s a little nervous - but who wouldn’t love her?!?! I sometimes think some of my friends are just friends with me so they can be friends with my Mom - she’s that cool!!! Anyway, job issues with the parents might make them move and one of their options is the triad, so this job interview will tell them a lot about the relocation possibility - I’d love to have them closer, but I do love the house they’re in now - I’d hate for them to leave it - so cute!

And I haven’t heard from my brother in a week or two now - Matthew, call me!!!!!!! Nothing big going on, would just like to hear from you - at least I know you’re alive, since you’re posting on your blog…

Other than that, it’s been a quiet past few days - I’ve reached the point in P&P (movie) where Lizzy goes to visit Pemberley, which is one of my fave parts, as you start to see Darcy’s true character coming through to Lizzy and her aunt and uncle - and she starts to see the errors she’s made in judging his character - and then all of that comes crashing to the ground with bad news about her youngest sister running off with a military guy (gotta watch those men in uniform!) - anyway, can’t wait to finish it and will then move on to Sense and Sensibility (movie) after I finish the re-read of that book - I think I actually prefer the movie of this one to the book in some ways (I know, horrible!), but the book is much slower than some of her other work. OK, and I was thinking about this today and it’s one of my fave moments in any movie (and I just found out that it’s not a Jane Austen line, it’s just in the movie - sniff) - it’s in Emma (with Gwyneth Paltrow) and it goes like this:
Emma is in a carriage with a guy that she’s not interested in, but she had wanted to set him up with a friend of her’s - anyway, he starts making proclamations of love to her and she’s repulsed by his offers and as he leans in to speak again, she says, ‘Please, sir, refrain from the intimacy of whispering!’ - isn’t that understated, yet perfect!
OK, this is getting too long, so I’ll go back to my volunteering and cut it off!

Well, actually I just downloaded it from iTunes, but it’s almost like a new CD! Amici has a new CD out called Amici: Defined - and from what I’ve heard of it so far, I really like it - it’s much like their last CD, but the music is a bit more obscure for the most part… For those of you poor souls who don’t know of Amici, it’s a group of 3 guys and 2 girls who are opera singers - and they form Amici, or the Opera Band and sing classic opera arias, etc that have been rearranged for multi-part harmony - my Dad introduced me to them and I love their last CD, Amici: Forever - they do some songs everybody knows, like Nessun Dorma and an Italian (I think) version of Unchained Melody, plus they sang the theme song of Band of Brothers (which I don’t like much), but there’s an incredible song called Whisper of Angels that is beautiful - they do haunting songs very well! Anyway, they new one is quite good, although I’ll have to burn it and listen over and over before I can decide if I like it better than the last one - they do have a version of the Adagio for Strings that a lot of people are familiar with - sounds interesting, eh?!?! Check them out!

I’ve been struck lately by how much transition is going on in the lives of the people around me - even people like my parents are going through lots of changes right now, even at a time when you might not expect it - but everyone else is too, new jobs, new homes, new loves, new lives - sometimes I’m grateful for the stagnant nature of my life as it exists right now, but sometimes I feel a bit, I don’t know, claustrophobic with the way things are going now - I guess it’s a bit better now that I am over halfway through school, and can see the light at the end of the tunnel (which is frightening in and of itself) - but I sort of thought by now I’d have some more of my life figured out and grad school has not turned out to be the place where those questions about my life are getting answered - but they are slowly being answered through other means, often through relationships with friends right now - sorry that’s kind of vague and nonsensical, but that’s somehow as clear as I can make it now…

On a lighter note, I’m seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory tonight with friends, after dinner at Sonic - should be a fun, kid-hearted evening! I need to get some lab work and cleaning done this weekend, so it can’t all be fun and games, but it can’t be put off any longer… and I just realized that I missed my bro and sis-in-law’s anniversary (rats!) so HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you guys!!!! Lots of love and much happiness for the coming year!

So I finally finished reading P&P, after getting slightly de-railed by the Harry Potter re-read - I bought a huge copy with all my other fave novels by her in the same book, so I’ve already started Sense and Sensibility again - but anyway, P&P will most likely always be my favorite, if only because for some reason I identify so much with Elizabeth Bennet - I felt this way about the book the first time I read it (when I was maybe 11 or 12) so I don’t think I can attribute the feelings completely to the fact that Colin Firth plays Mr. Darcy - hehehe…
Anyway, Jane Austen wrote some of the most hilarious dialogue (specifically the situation with Mr. Collins, and also Lizzy’s relationship with her parents) and also some of the most incredibly romantic speeches, at least romantic for the times. Some of my favorite parts:

from Lizzy in reference to Mr. Darcy (before she falls for him),

“Heaven forbid! That would be the greatest misfortune of all! To find a man
agreeable whom one is determined to hate! Do not wish me such an evil.” haha

from Darcy on his own failings of character,

“My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.” Lizzy, “…your defect is a
propensity to hate everybody.” Darcy, “And yours is willfully to misunderstand
them.”

from Mr. Collins in pursuing Elizabeth’s heart,

“And now nothing remains for me but to assure you in the most animated language
of the violence of my affection.” So sweet, if only coming from a more agreeable
source…

between Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Lizzy,

“Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?” said Elizabeth, still addressing
Colonel Fitzwilliam. “Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who
has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend himself to strangers?”
“I can answer your question,” said Fitzwilliam, “without applying to him. It
is because he will not give himself the trouble.”
“I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,” said Darcy, “of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”
“My fingers,” said Elizabeth, “do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault–because I will not take the trouble of practicing. It is not that I do
not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.”
Darcy smiled and said, “You are perfectly right. You have employed your time
much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything
wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.”

from Darcy in proposing to Lizzy (the first time),

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not by repressed.
You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” awwwwww

Lizzy’s response,

“In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a
sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be
returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel
gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot–I have never desired your good
opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have
occasioned pain to anyone. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I
hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long
prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in
overcoming it after this explanation.”

from Lizzy on discussing with Jane the true nature of Wickham’s character,

“There certainly was some great mismanagement in the education of those two
young men. One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of
it.”

from Lizzy’s thoughts when she realizes she has fallen for Darcy,

“She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and
talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her
own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to
the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been
softened, his manners improved; and from his judgment, information, and
knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.”

Okay, that’s enough - for those of you who haven’t read it yet, get moving - it’s wonderful! I can now watch the movie in good conscience having finished the book - on to Sense and Sensibility!

So I was listening to a Caedmon’s Call CD in the car today, which I haven’t heard in a while, and I was struck by the words to Table for Two, which is their ode to ’singleness’ (written by Derek Webb), albeit from the guy point of view - it’s quite moving and the references to being ’scared of being alone’ are very poignant, but I was actually struck by the words later, here shown in bold:

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes
We talked about soccer and
how every man’s just the same
And made speculation on the ‘who’s
and the ‘when’s of our futures
And how everyone’s lonely
but still we just couldn’t complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have left my only chance
And now I’m just wasting my time
Looking around

But you know I know better
I’m not gonna worry ’bout nothing
‘Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
then I’ll make it okay
If given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
And see which one keeps me up
all night and into the day

Because I’m so scared of being alone
That I forgot what house I live in
But it’s not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

Well this day’s been crazy
but everything’s happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold
to the drink that I spilled on my shirt
‘Cause You knew how You’d save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plan You have for me
And You can’t plan the ends and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
To get me to sleep

This goes along so well with what I’ve been reading about Calvinism and the things I’ve been thinking about in my own life and relationship with God - the idea that God knew even at the Garden of Eden that I would need salvation just blows my mind - and just shows how much higher are God’s ways than out own… anyway, you should check out the CD (it’s CC’s 40 Acres - really good stuff - had forgotten how much I used to like them when it first came out when I was in college)!

Not sure why, but I scored as Jane in the ‘Which P&P charcter are you’ quiz - but Lizzy was also 100%, so I guess it was a tie and they put me as Jane…
Give it a try - it’s fun!

You scored as Jane Bennet. You are like Jane, who is optimistic in every sense but with herself. Jane tries desperately to see the good in everyone, and is hurt when she cannot. She is harder on herself than anybody, but everybody loves her for her caring and devoted nature. She also loves children. Jane Bennet 100% Elizabeth Bennet 100% Charles Bingley 88% Mary Bennet 88% Mr. Bennet 75% Mrs. Bennet 63% Caroline Bingley 50% Fitzwilliam Darcy 50% Mr. Collins 25% Lydia Bennet 25% Catherine Bennet 25% Lady Catherine De Bourgh 13% Charlotte Lucas 13% George Wickham 13%

Which character from Pride and Prejudice are you most like?
created with QuizFarm.com

Bravo! The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) was fabulous fun and hysterically funny, as I anticipated! Imagine three people, two guys and a girl, doing all the roles in Shakespeare’s plays, regardless of gender/age/relationship - very silly at times, but quite funny! It was originally written for 3 guys, which would have been better I think, but they still pulled it off with the one girl added in - haven’t seen my brother on stage in quite a while, so it was nice to see him having fun on stage again - this is one where he can really let loose! He got to spash water on himself about 12 times, wear women’s clothes for about half of the time on stage (which brings the number of times he’s played a woman on stage into the double digits - long story!), and fake-barf all over the first few rows of the theater several times - if you know Matthew, you know that this was probably a big incentive to doing the play in the first place!!!! Anyway, we got to see Candace (sis-in-law) and had dinner with them both afterwards - really good to catch up with her a bit, since she’s been gone all summer - will have to get over their way again soon, maybe to see her next production at the beginning of Sept - The Children of Eden, written by the same guy who did Godspell - his name escapes me right now…
I also got to see little baby Aria and Alexa and Daniel after the play - meant to take pics, but I totally forgot as soon as I got there - she’s soooooo adorable and she slept for the first 1 and half hours I was there, then woke up for the last ten minutes - they actually have to make her wake up sometimes to feed her! But she’s only 11 days old or so, so she’s still probably pretty tired from the whole being shoved through the birth canal (as is Alexa!), so maybe she’ll perk up in a little while… But you would not believe how cute she is - little button nose, funny ‘baby mullet’ hair (Daniel’s words, not mine!), incredibly long fingers and toes (you were right Frances - a budding pianist or violist!), etc… Can’t wait to see her grow up…
I better finish up some stuff - things are moving along in the lab - but I want to head to the Y tonight, so I’ve gotta get things done in a timely fashion!