Since I started this blog a few years ago I kind of made a goal for myself to post at least once a month. Sometimes my entries were pretty lame, but I have managed to keep it up. I knew the end of this month was approaching quickly without an entry, so I have been thinking on what to write about. Usually the thoughts in my head are pretty jumbled and organizing cohesive thoughts are difficult. I know at the same time it can be therapeutic, so we’ll see where this goes.
I wonder if there are ecclesiastical counselors out there? If there isn’t, there should be, because I am sure I am not alone. When it comes to church, specifically the church I attend, I find myself very ambivalent.
I think the part that is causing me to be in a stalemate is whether it’s me or the church. Probably the easy answer is both, but to what degree? (This is the part where i need the counselor)
I guess we can analyze each part.
I’ll start with me:
My spiritual state is probably receiving a passing grade right now, but not by much. My devotions are still going, although I am reading through Jeremiah, which is a tough go at times. My prayer life could be better, although if someone requests prayer, I do pray for them, at least once:-). There isn’t a deep rooted sin in my life that I am not dealing with and no one I know of that I need to ask for forgiveness for something I’ve done, but I do ask forgiveness from God for my daily sin. Yet, for the most part I am in a comfort zone where I am not really challenging myself to share my faith as I know I could. That’s probably my spiritual side in a nutshell.
As for the church:
I think the the biggest positive of my church is that most of my best friends go there. I think if, for some reason some of my best friends end up at a different church or we do, I am pretty confident that our friendship will transcend the fact that we are at different churches.
Our church is fairly united. That is not to say conflict has never arisen, but for the most part people are on board with what our church is doing. There have been a few that have left over the direction of the church, but it has not caused a church split, so the main vision of the church is allowed to continue. When is comes to financial goals with building a church, we have been able to meet our targets every time, and at the recent business meeting things seem to be progressing positively.
Serving- Since our church meets in a gym there is constant set up and take down each week. We also have a large number of young families in our church so the number of people required to run the various kids ministries is very large as well. We do have a very high number of people who serve in more than one ministry in our church, including myself. Although since we have moved to 2 services we can still use some more workers, I think we do have a very serving oriented type church.
Growth- I am thinking in terms of physical and spiritual numbers. There has been some growth in our numbers, I think it has been growing slowly and steadily, as perhaps some people have left, we have gained more people than have left. I think the same can be said spiritually, as ever once in a while I hear a story of someone sharing their faith and people receiving Christ, which is always cool to hear.
So where’s the problem?
A couple things come to mind. First I am not really getting much out of Sunday morning service. The odd sermon I’ll actually remember something, but on a few ocasions I can’t remember a single thing that I spend 30-40 minutes listening to. I also find the service rather routine. Actually they are trying to do some different things, but I am not sure how much it will change.
I also feel a lack of expectancy that God is going to do something in the service. This might only be my thoughts, but sometimes it almost feels like a duty that I show be at church, rather than wanting to be there. I also think there is a lack of creativity being used in our service and the fact that creativity is not generally encouraged. At the same time it’s not discouraged either. I mean creativity is not a spiritual gift, but I think God has given people creative ideas to be used for His glory and yet I sense a lot of creativity not be used in our church apart from singing or playing an instrument.
I was talking through some of this with a prominent person in our church and he said. “If you go to a church, for say 5 years, and there is no change then you can only blame yourself” I think that is pretty good advice, so as to not become non-chalant about things and only verbally criticizing things and not actually do anything about it. So I am thinking I actually want to make some changes. I know there are a few of my friends who think somewhat like me to brainstorm and see how we can implement some of these changes that have been bothering me. I have actually taken steps to make this a reality, but have not spoked to the leadership about this yet.
This is the part where i need the ecclesiastical counselor again. How do I figure out if these changes that I feel need to happen, is something that church would generally be in agreement with or if our church is generally fine with the direction it’s going and it’s more my own problem and I should find my ecclesiastical fulfillment somewhere else?
I believe every church has its own personality, which makes sense, but am I the one to change our church’s personality, it feels a little presumptuous. I know what they say about trying to change your spouse, perhaps the analogy works here as well, I’m not sure.
I feel my brain is feeling pretty empty of thoughts regarding this, so I think I have generally put them out there as best I could. If you have any thoughts I would love to hear them and thanks for ‘listening’.
Till next month…