I learned a deep spiritual truth at my church’s men’s breakfast this morning.
I hate noisy eaters.
There was a guy who came in late, who ate during the speaker’s presentation, and who would not close his mouth to chew. It went on for several minutes before my brain locked onto the noise…and once my attention was drawn to it, I was gone. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t tune it out. And I immediately got really angry. Though there’s no justification in my anger…just another one of my quirks. I just wanted the noise to stop. That incessant smacking, chomping, semi-slurping noise (it was a bagel for crying out loud! That’s not even noisy food!!)
Not since my last encounter with a noisy eater have I felt so much annoyance. The last time happened to be at the showing of Return of the King…where the high school kid to my left not only felt the need to smack, chew, and crunch…but also decided it would be fun to BREAK THE POPCORN IN HALF before sending it through his open-mouthed digestion.
“Mr. Frodo”
*Break….crunchsmackcrunchcruchsmackcrunchswallow*
“Mr. Frodo, Noooo”
*Break….crunchsmacksmackcrunchsmacksmackswallow*
I think you can judge a person’s self-awareness by how loud they eat. People who eat loud are obviously unaware of what’s coming out of their mouth.
Please, please…for the love of humanity…close your mouths…and chew quietly.
hahaha! I was reading the first part thinking about that popcorn eater and how enraged you were.
You should add the part about how you paid Marshall to step in the guy’s popcorn bucket.
Kari
October 10th, 2004
that was one of my favorite all time movie moments…
when marshall put his foot right into the middle of that guys tub of popcorn.
mwahahahahahaha
brian
October 10th, 2004
Will do. (eat quietly)
I like my popcorn.
Roger
October 13th, 2004
It surprises me that the noisiest foods crisps (chips to you yanks ;-)), popcorn, nachos and sweets are sold in cinemas.
Frankly I think that 2 hours (even 3!!) shouldn’t be too long to go without food OR drink.
This is a venue made to keep sound IN, to project the most precise sounds you’ll get outside of an orchestra hall … and they let people smack, munch, chomp and slurp throughout the whole thing.
They also need mobile (cell) phone blockers in all theatres.
Eliot
June 11th, 2006
F*ck me, I know the feeling. It drives me insane to the point I want to kick the sh*t out of someone. Firstly, I don’t want to see what they’re eating and secondly I certainly don’t want to hear what they’re eating. It’s so f*cking rude. I just have to walk away and sit on my own.
Pedro
August 30th, 2007
I have to completely agree with you. I get the rage when listening to people eat and feel like I am going to fly off the handle any minute. I hate everything about someone eating and the feeling is bubbling now as my Boss is eating a sandwhich right now which is nearly making me burst into tears with annoyance!….Rant over
Sian
October 18th, 2007
Yeah my flatmate does it. I have to leave the room. He was eating an apple just now and it sounded like 2 dogs eating. I thought it was me who had the problem until I googled ‘noisy eaters’
Jay Dee
October 23rd, 2008