:Sigh:

Posted on October 22nd, 2004 by hanfaith.
Categories: General.

My posts this month have been few and far between because I have been tired. Stringing together a few paragraphs of coherent thought takes a lot of effort out of me these days. It’s somewhat ironic, because in both of the classes that I teach, I’m focusing on teaching how to write five paragraph essays well.

But for my own personal writing life, I am simply tired. I’m physically tired. This is a combination of a number of things. Firstly, it is the uncomplicated result of kids. Raising kids is not a 5 day a week, 40 hour job. It’s not something that you can just drop when it doesn’t suit you, or when you need a break. I desperately feel the need right now to get out; to go on a date; to go out to dinner; to go shopping in Bangor - just something! But alas, I’m tied to the home for now. I’m nursing Seámus, so I can only be away for short periods of time. I also have an issue getting a babysitter. Now since we work with youth up here, you’d think babysitters abound - and you’re quite correct. However, I’m just not comfortable with it. It feels like such a luxury - and as much as people have offered to help out, I have a hard time accepting a free babysitter. And then there’s all the eplanations that you have to give to the babysitter - especially with Éva’s allergies. So to sum it all up, I love being with my kids and raising our family, but the day-in, day-out routine is starting to wear on me ever so slightly this month.

I’m also physically tired from the teens that we work with. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with teens. Some weeks, I’m with teens five nights out of the week. We have an hour and a half Sunday school at night, Tuesday night is youth group, I teach a class Wednesday, Thursday night I teach another class, and on every other (and sometimes back-to-back) Friday we have play practise and teen hangout at our house. I’m not fake around the teens - they know I’m tired and I won’t put on a happy show. But sometimes it just seems never ending; like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and the tiredness will just keep growing and growing.

In addition to being physically tired, I’m spriritually weary. Without going in to too much detail (you never know who might find your blog!), church here has become increasingly difficult for us to be a part of. There are theological and methodogical (is that a word?) reasons behind this. Suffice it to say, church is not currently a refreshing place to go. Instead, it is spriritually zapping. Thanks be to God that He is the well filler - yet he created us to be a body and the absense of unity in a body is discouraging. Especially when it is out of your control and there is nothing you can really do to change the situation. If you’d really like to know more of what is happening here, you can email me. Four Sundays out of five, after church I feel more like crying than rejoicing. The comforting thing is that I know that God has a plan and that he is working in us through our situation. But the reality is that I feel spiritually tired and in need of refreshment.

So in a rather large nutshell, that is why my posts have been few this month.

3 comments.