My apartment smells like autumn. I love it. I have three candles lit right now: Hallmark’s Spiced Cider, a Yankee Autumn Wreath, and the most fabulous thing ever – a Woodwick Candle in Pumpkin Butter. It has a wooden wick, hence the name, so it sounds like a fire in a fireplace. It’s pretty sweet. So, I’ve got candles lit and I’m sitting here in my living room listening to Damien Rice’s “O”. I love this CD. I love that it is full of strings. I also love Lisa’s harmonies. Of course, that always makes me want to sing. *sigh* It feels like autumn outside too. Karis and I have talked several times about how much we love autumn. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a November birthday or what, but it is definitely my favorite time of the year. I miss living where there was at least some idea that it was October.

Emileigh and James are up in Wisconsin. Alison’s family is down and they all went to Pompano Beach. That leaves me all alone. It’s kinda nice. I’m not going to lie. I wouldn’t be sitting in a dark apartment with candles lit and Damien singing to me if anyone else was here. Now all I need is some coffee. I did have some today, though. I ran up to Mitchell’s and was almost late for work. Ok, actually I WAS late for work – 4 minutes. I also drank the entire 16 oz cup in the 10 minutes that it took me to get from downtown to the mall. That’s right; I am officially becoming a coffee junkie. Lorelei would be proud of me. “Coffee, coffee, coffee!”

Well, I think I might actually go to bed at a decent time. Or at least do some reading or something. I’m still trying to finish “Through Painted Deserts : Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road” by Don Miller. I have a hard time reading that book because it makes me want to get in a car and just drive off. I love that and hate that. That’s life, I guess.

A few random thoughts and observations…

If it weren’t for Strawberry Pop-Tarts, I would probably starve. I really like coffee and have probably had more in the last few weeks than in the two months prior. I am making more friends and doing more fun things than I think I did when I was in college. (Which is weird…am I that much more confident in myself now? ‘Cause I don’t feel like I am!) I really want to play music and/or sing more often. I need more sleep. I love my new friend! (you know who you are…) And now I have to go to Orlando to see the fam…

Grace & Peace!

Listening to:

So, I decided to get smart and type out my post first, save it, THEN put it online! Yeah, sometimes I make sense. The rest of the time I don’t. And that leads me to the point of my post. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing these days. I am somewhat of a lost soul. As I sit here drinking a Smirnoff Twisted Watermelon (yum!) watching my senior recital from almost 4 years ago, I can’t help but wonder what I’ve really done with my life thus far. (For the record, I didn’t just randomly pull out my recital. My roommates asked if we could watch it, then stopped watching after 2 songs. Apparently, an Icee run was needed.) I’m always waiting for the time. Reagan and I are waiting for the time when he will be done with his calling in Montana and we’ll be able to move forward in our relationship. You know, actually be able to see each other and all. I realized that it’s been 2 years, 2 months, and 15 days since we’ve seen each other. That’s a long time. In the meantime, I’ve been always living as if I’m going to be leaving at any time. You know, not wanting to get too involved in any ministry, not wanting to make too many friends because then I’d have to leave them. It makes things sad. And now I have friends. I have real friends. It’s a weird thing for me to say. I haven’t had real friends since I was in college. When I left Greenville 3 years ago I no longer hung out with friends. I became a loner in a sense. When I was in Naples I was the regular at Starbucks and Barnes & Noble. I was always there with a book and a journal. The same was true once I moved to Lakeland. Then I joined the Wesley group last year and found some amazing friends. And now we’ve extended our hangouts from just Wednesday to Thursday night Open Mic as well. And now I’ve also found my other group of new friends. As we realized last night as we sat at Starbucks, none of us really knew each other until the end of January. (Me, Karis, Lisa, & Shane) And I’m making even more friends now at Trinity. And I’m making musical connections as well. I don’t know. It’s like I’m digging in. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I had felt like I was ready to leave and now I’m not at all ready to leave. I don’t know where my head is. More importantly, I guess I don’t know where my heart is, where it is supposed to be at the moment. So, that’s my search for now. For the place my heart is supposed to be.

In other news, I started painting on Sunday. That is right, folks! I am even more creative now! I’ll have to take pictures once I finish the whole collage that I have planned. I also dyed my hair tonight. And I didn’t even need to drink any salad water. (Don’t worry…most of you weren’t supposed to get that…well, unless you’re a crazy Gilmore addict like me) Don’t worry, it’s not anything crazy. Basically it just looks like it would look if I actually spent time outside. Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of time to spend outside. Although, I did play my guitar out at Lake Bonny Park this afternoon. I need to do that more often. It was so pretty out. It was the first day of spring and all! So, yeah, I practiced some. I should be able to play at least something on Thursday night. If I can remember it, I may even play a song that I wrote a few years ago. That’s right, I said a song that I wrote. I’ve never played anything that I wrote. I’m a little nervous about it. Yeah. So, now I’m doing the rambling thing. We all know that I’m good at that. That usually means that I’m probably just about done with my post. And so I am.

Go under the mercy!

So, I just typed up this great post and apparently when I hit Publish, it didn’t send. Therefore, the post is gone. That’s right. Gone. So, I will have to retype it at a later time. Stupid computers! Ok, rant is over.

Ok, so this post will show why my blog is called “Rambling Rose”. My thoughts are very scattered today. I really don’t want to go work in an hour. I keep wondering why I couldn’t play a Bm chord last night to save my life. And why do I pick so many songs that have Bm chords in them? I am glad that I’m playing in front of people again. That is always fun. Well, fun and nerve-wracking. Especially when almost everyone from Bible Study and then some shows up. Including me, there were 9 of us from Bible Study and then Dena brought her mom and 3 friends. We basically took over the couches and the floor and table. And then I spilled coffee on Risa and Lisa. Pretty much a full cup of caramel macchiato all over the table, all over the floor, all over Risa’s jacket and pants and Lisa’s lap. I’m the biggest klutz ever. I talked to Reagan yesterday, which is a very happy thing. I miss him so much. Did I mention that I really don’t want to go to work? I guess I should go get ready. Bah. Have a great day, friends!

Grace & Peace!

I love this song. I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. Yes, I’m doing the “one-song-on-repeat” thing again. It’s from Nickel Creek’s album “Why Should The Fire Die”, which is absolutely fabulous! If you don’t have it, you should get it.

what will be left when i’ve drawn my last breath
besides the folks i’ve met and the folks who know me?
will i discover a soul-saving love
or just the dirt above and below me?

i’m a doubting thomas
i took a promise
but i do not feel safe
…oh me of little faith.

sometimes i pray for a slap in the face
then i beg to be spared ’cause i’m a coward
if there’s a master of death,
i bet he’s holding his breath
as i show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

i’m a doubting thomas
i can’t keep my promises
’cause i don’t know what’s safe
…oh me of little faith.

can i be used to help others find truth
when i’m scared i’ll find proof that it’s a lie?
can i be lead down the trail dropping bread crumbs
to prove i’m not ready to die?

please give me time to decipher the signs
please forgive me for time that i’ve wasted

i’m a doubting thomas
i’ll take your promise
though i know nothing’s safe
…oh me of little faith.

There are just so many things that are so true in here. In the sermon last week, the pastor talked about how if we were doing good, but not in the name of Jesus, we were essentially helping the cause of the Enemy. He said that Satan is not “pro-Satan”, but rather “anti-Christ”. He’ll do anything to keep us from bringing our focus back to Christ. I love the line “if there’s a master of death i bet he’s holding his breath as i show the blind and tell the deaf about his power”. I think that’s what got me to put it on repeat in the first place and now I’m just in love with the song. Just thought I’d share. I’m off to get ready for work now. Have a beautiful day!

Well, folks, I finally did it. I played at Open Mic Night tonight at Black and Brew. I almost chickened out, but I had already told people and they were actually going to come and hear me play. 5 people from my Bible Study came out and one person brought a friend. Lisa & Omar, Kim & Chris, and Yadira & her friend, Karen, all came (Chad, Yadira’s husband was at baseball). It was fun! Very nerve-wracking, but fun! I did 3 songs: “Clay & Water” by Margaret Becker (shout out to Roz!), which I have practiced for 4 and 1/2 years and have never played outside my room, “Peace Child” by my good friend, Erik Wieder (that’s right Lynchpyn fans…I’m sure you remember this song! And of course, you know this one too, Dan!), and “I Hope You Dance” by LeeAnn Womack. I did ok. There were some wrong chords and wrong words, but in all it went alright. I think that the biggest thing for me was that my friends actually showed up to hear me. Granted, I talked Omar into playing a few songs as well, but they were going to be there regardless. (By the way…Marissa actually booked Omar for a spot on Friday, March 31st!!) When I played last year with the band over at Jammin’ For Jesus, my parents, the girls that worked at the shop, and like maybe 5 other people were there. And the 5 people were the other bands playing that night. It was pretty sad. The fact that I have people who are willing to support me is huge. I was kinda bummed that my roommates weren’t going to come, but when I saw everyone else there on the couches, it made it a little easier. I need to keep doing this so that it gets easier. My stomach was in knots the entire time. I’m sure that the more I do it, the less the knots will take over. At least I hope so. Well, I suppose I’m done for the night. I’ve already done quite a bit of rambling. Until next time…

Grace & Peace!