just jamie
“But hey that’s just Jamie”
That was a statement said by my dear friend Tim last night after I apologized for having a meltdown.
At first, to be honest, I thought how very rude. Here I am trying to be real and you say “that’s just Jamie”! That wasn’t exactly the response I was looking for.
But then he elaborated.
Tim said he didn’t mean to offend me, he just appreciated honest emotion. He didn’t mind when I “freaked out” because it was real. It was me, being me, and that’s why he said that’s just Jamie.
Wait a minute.
After I hung up the phone I sat thought about his statement for a long time.
My whole life I have tried so very hard to be fun and silly and what I thought other people wanted me to be, and yet here was one of my dear friends, saying he loved me for everything ugly and raw and real.
wow. I just don’t get it. It so goes against everything I have been telling myself for 25 years.
and I know there are friends who tell me the same. My friend Emily in highschool… Susie and Tim, and Kathy and Tim, and Sally, Dawn, Kim, Sara, and Brian in Minneapolis.. And there are people here in Ohio too.
The few and far between that I break down my walls with and stand exposed and real and who love me despite my flaws or perhaps even because of them.
People who are brave enough to look at me, even in the middle of my meltdown and say “that’s just Jamie” with love and sincerity.
People who make me want to better and stronger. People who remind me that I am loved just for me.
And I am grateful, because last night, when I finally went to bed, it wasn’t with all the days drama or my meltdown on my mind. It was with the words “just Jamie” and a feeling of being loved that I finally closed my eyes.
