Life As an Afterschool Special

Each day we live we get another step closer to dying.

The reality of this statement hit me hard yesterday as I went to two funerals in a row.

Two different young lives cut down by the carelessness of a drunk driver on Christmas day.

The services were amazing.

And I cried.

I was heartbroken.

But my tears were more for the family and friends who had to let go, who had to face life without their loved ones, then for the deaths themselves.

Because I know these boys knew Jesus. And I know today, right now, at this very minute, they are in heaven.

The bible says to be absent from the body is to be present with God. And that in heaven He will remove all of their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. For the old world and its evils will be gone forever.

There is such a peace that comes from truly knowing the Lord.

There is such comfort even in the darkest moments because we know that there is something so much greater at work.

The Bible says “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal”

Brandon and Josh saw the unseen.

They put their hope in something greater then themselves.

They lived each moment like it counted, and today they are in heaven.

There is an even greater tragedy then being killed by a drunk driver on Christmas day or then dying at a young age. While these things are awful, and even indescribable, a greater tragedy is living your life without the peace and hope that only God can bring.

We will all die someday.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

It could have been any one of us in that car that night.

And it wouldn’t matter if you were a good person or you had money or talent or you had many friends.

At that moment, when the life left your body all that would matter is if you know God, and you were known by him.

Just something to think about, because every day we live we get another step closer to dying.

In memory of Josh Worthington, Lucas Carmean, and Brandon Kent…..

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular; please wipe away that tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me; I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me dear one, you know I hold you dear,
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send to you a special gift from my heavenly home above,
I send to you a memory of my underlying love.
After all, “love” is the gift more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as the Father said to do,
For I can’t count the blessings, or the love he has for you.
So have a Merry Christmas, and wipe away that tear,
Remember, I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

‘Author Unknown’

I love music.

Often times, I hear music in my head. The perfect tune, the perfect lyrics… the soundtrack to my life. When I run out of words to say, music speaks for me.

and today I have run out of my own words. But I keep hearing hearing music in my head. so I thought I would share my song and maybe give you a little glimpse into my heart today.

Soon it will be hammered into what she calls her silly head
That she really isn’t silly but she’s beautiful instead
But every time she gets a hold of something pretty, it slips away

So she keeps hoping that someday soon

He will come. He will come He will comfort all that’s hardened
change the deserts into gardens and we all will see His face.
He will come. He will come.
He will soften all the starkness
Break the chambers of our darkness and we’ll all be overwhelmed

She spilled her coffee in her Chevy on the way to work at 8:05
She always thought that she was clumsy and she hated it and wondered why
She can handle any tragedy that happens but not little things like this
So she keeps hoping that someday soon

Within the world of a girl, the words she hears they mean an awful lot
And the music in her mind when she gets older has the lyrics she was taught
and when she gets to heaven all the right things will be said

And He will look on her with favor

All my scars will turn to fountains
All my valleys into mountains
And we all will see His face
All you watchmen lift your voices
Then every boy and girl rejoices
when we’ll all be overwhelmed

by Waterdeep

Today I was blessed to be a witness of the joy of giving.

My parents and their friends collected gifts for a family that Erica and I know from the bottoms. When we walked into their house I was taken aback for a moment.

There was no furniture.

There was no tree.

There was no signs of Christmas at all.

I felt like Santa walking in with my sister, carrying three big garbage bags full of toys and shoes and clothes for their family. We only gave them the coats and shoes, and gave all the toys to their mother so she could have something to give them from her.

And I know christmas isnt about the gifts and the toys, but just at her face.

She smiled.

A real true beautiful smile.

And for a moment she forgot about the stresses of the day and her bills and how hard it is to be a single mother of six kids, and in the process, reminded me all over again about the meaning of Christmas.

The family 

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
It doesn’t show signsof stopping
And I’ve bought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
When we finally kissgoodnight
How I’ll hate going out in the storm!
But if you’ll really hold me tight
All the way home I’ll be warm
The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we’re still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

it is snowing. and it is beautiful and delightful, and I like it a lot.

The meaning of Christmas….

Isaiah 9

6For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. And the government will rest on his shoulders. These will be his royal titles: Wonderful Counselor,Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7His ever expanding, peaceful government will never end. He will rule forever with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David. The passionate commitment of the LORD Almighty will guarantee this!

Isaiah 11
1Out of the stump of David’s family will grow a shoot–yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root. 2And the Spirit of the LORD will rest on him–the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD. 3He will delight in obeying the LORD. He will never judge by appearance, false evidence, or hearsay. 4He will defend the poor and the exploited. He will rule against the wicked and destroy them with the breath of his mouth. 5He will be clothed with fairness and truth.

This weekend there was a fire in my neighborhood.

My sister and I had people over, and about two in the morning we heard sirens. We opened the front door to see where the fire trucks were headed and smoke billowed in our house.

Everyone at our “get together” put on coats and ran outside to see what was on fire.

When we got one street over we discovered that a recently vacated house was on fire. A family had lived in the home for years but couldn’t pay their bills and was forced to leave it behind in October. There were many neighbors in their pajamas and coats outside in the 20 degree weather discussing their ideas of the cause of the fire. We knew homeless people and drug addicts had occasionally stayed in that house for warmth, and the general consensus was that one of them set the fire.

We stood watching the firefighters put out the fire for a while, and then slowly drifted back to our house.

The whole situation made me think though. People are so strange. We are so drawn to the drama… The fires, the car wrecks, the fights. We instinctively want to know what is happening, who started it, and why. We feel so connected to others standing in the middle of chaos sharing our own ideas and gossiping.

And somehow in all that we lose a bit of our compassion.

When we slow down to “gawk” at a car accident we think more about being stuck in traffic then about the people whose lives are forever changed because of the wreck.

When we see neighbors fight, we are entertained, and we don’t stop to think about the hurt and the anger and frustration that must be inside to bring them to this point.

When we pass homeless people on the street or when we see them going into vacant buildings, we automatically judge what they are doing why they are homeless, and often we lose compassion or chance of understanding.

When I saw there was a fire I ran to it not because I was worried for someone’s welfare, but because I was curious.

When I first though about writing about this, I wanted to tell a fun story about yet another crazy night in the bottoms. I was going to be funny and witty and paint a picture of the drama.

But I am realizing I am so “me” focused. I want to be entertained and entertaining, I want to be challenged, I want to belong and feel accepted. I don’t want to be inconvenienced or responsible.

and maybe it is just because it is Christmas season and its the end of the year and naturally we are prone to reflect on our lives and think about others this time of year, or maybe I just didn’t very much sleep this weekend, but as I sat down to type this something so much deeper then a party and a fire was on my heart.

at what point do I put “me” aside and begin to see things through the eyes of other people?

So I have talked a lot about my adventures living in the bottoms and I just thought I would share the reason I moved there.

About two years ago while living with my parents, I began to do a ministry with Grove City Nazerene church. We would get in a church bus and drive to the bottoms to shelters and to the places where the homeless peeple live and pick them up and take them to church. I loved the people I met… they were so broken and raw and real. They were fighters. They inspired me and encouraged me and I wanted to know them more, but I was afraid.

Sundays I would get in my shiny red convertible “minister” to the people of the bottoms and then go back to my Dads house in the country and ride my horse and sit in the hottub and try to feel righteous.

But God was working on my heart. I wanted to understand these people. I wanted to love them. I was inspired by them, but to be honest I still thought they were lazy and criminals and hopeless. I didn’t get them.

And I didn’t really love them even though I said I did.

So I moved to the bottoms. It was hard. Really really hard. I remember one Sunday after I had moved there I sat in my car in the church parking lot and cried.

I would like to say I cried for the people and their struggles and their souls. But I didn’t. I cried for myself.

I cried for my flesh because to be honest my flesh hated the people. I even yelled at God and told him that the people were dirty and smelly and drunk and mean and rude and they just kept taking and taking.

I sat in the car and felt sorry for my self until some people from the bottoms came and asked me what was wrong, I just said I was having a hard day. You know what happened then? THEY told ME that I was loved. THEY asked ME if they could pray for me. And they reached out their “dirty smelly” hand and reached for mine

And I cried even harder.

Because I was ashamed. Because at that moment I was so very ugly and they were so very beautiful.

Because I was so concerned with the outside of the cup and I didn’t even look at the inside.

So I have learned to love the sinner and hate the sin. BECAUSE I AM THE SINNER. And these people aren’t hopeless and criminals.

They are lost and broken and hurting and they need JESUS in me. What ever you have done unto the least of these you have done unto me. Now I know what that means.

I try. I mean I love them as best as I know how. I reach out. I open my home. I invite them over. I don’t tell them they can’t cuss or smoke or drink around me. I tell them that I love them anyways because I know that God does too. I have gone to places I didnt want to go because that’s where they are. And if they don’t want to come to God maybe a little bit if God can come to them.

And its worth it. all the drama, the drive bys, the fights, the tears, the frustration. Its all worth it.

So I think I am sooooo officially a nerd.

Because I have internet friends.

whom I love

and who are in Nashville at a concert at this very moment without me.

AND that makes me SAD.

sure I have “real friends” in the “real world” but now I miss my other friends. my “special online friends” I talk to everyday at work. You would be amazed how well you get to know some people if you just talk daily from 9 -5. Honestly.

a big gaggle of them got together this weekend and I wish I was playing too.

so yeah… I crossed that line… what ever seperates “computer people” from “everyday folk”

I just want my friends to come back and play with me.