I spent the night at my parents last night, and while I was sleeping peacefully, the dogs ATE my favorite I-wear-these-twice-a-week-and-I-heart-them pink ballet shoes.
BAD DOG.
BAD WORD.
I would like to now have a moment of silence for my fallen friend. You are gone, beautiful pink shoe, but not forgotten.
*moment of silence*
Fun Fun Fun….
Luke started this on the Rumor Forum…then I read more about it on Megans blog
just put in your name and see what google has to say about who you are….
this is what google had to say about me…. my favorites are in italics and the ones that hit home are in bold.
jamie is an experienced full time real estate professional
jamie is a stinky
jamie is snoring
jamie is a prissypants
jamie is the bomb
jamie is the best
jamie is still in treatment
jamie is an ass
jamie is center of the universe or so he thinks
jamie is finally thankful
jamie is crying
jamie is now my friend
jamie is hot
jamie is gorgeous
jamie is the coolest
jamie is a beast
jamie is a 15 3/4″ sable & white dog
jamie is one superior bench presser
jamie is an amazingly smart
jamie is taking a nap
jamie is a pretty blonde with a sexy body who likes to wear fashionable clothes
jamie is a 19 year old student with cerebral palsy and severe mental retardation
jamie is matching different colored shapes to teacher made pictures
jamie is pulling on her mother’s leg
jamie is his mad
jamie is one of the top yoga teachers in the country
jamie is an outstanding girl
jamie is able to function normally for the most part
jamie is one of my favorite models
jamie is the sweet and lovable housemate
jamie is actually the fastest man alive
jamie is a plain jane who gets picked on for her pure goodness
jamie is a consummate performer
jamie is unrepentantjamie is the 79th most kissable guy
jamie is great
jamie is still fine
jamie is very excited to finally be a reporter
jamie is really heavy into the drugs and trish does not want to be apart of this any more
jamie is an endearing young lady who loves laughing and talking with friends
jamie is kept out of school for several days while he and his mother cope with their situation
jamie is a call operator
jamie is a nut bar
I got a My Little Pony with my happy meal today!
It is a happy meal indeed!
I LOVE my little ponies!
I used to play with them when I was little.
Little girls now play with Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake, Cabbage Patch dolls and my little ponies.
80’s toys ROCK!
I had the most amazing night last night.
I gave my first teaching at City Life. The topic was “Getting Real” and to be honest for the past week I felt out of my league and overwhelmed.
What did I have to say that a bunch of teenagers from the inner city would hold on to or learn from?
After much prayer, and help from friends about what the bible says about being real, I felt as ready as I would ever be…
I began by giving my testimony. I wanted to show them that I wasn’t asking anything from them that I wasn’t willing to do myself.
I was real, I was raw, I talked about the details, and how hard my past was, and how sinful I was and how sinful I still am. I talked about the process, and that even now, eight years after becoming a Christian I STILL have struggles and I still have doubts.
And I looked out into the faces of the kids and I saw understanding, and compassion, and surprise. They got it. They were “picking up what I was throwing down”.
They understood where I was coming from, they had been down that same road, and they knew that they weren’t so alone in their struggles. They cried with me. They laughed with me. They cheered for me. For a second I wasn’t the leader, I was one of them.
I opened it up for questions and I answered them as honestly as I could. Then I told them that I knew most of them weren’t ready to be this real. They weren’t ready to stand up in front of a room full of people and talk about their hurts or their sin or their struggles.
But they did need to get real with themselves and real with God.
And I told them about David, and how he was a man after Gods own heart. He still sinned and he still had struggles, but in it all he was real. In some psalms he wrote about how great God was and how blessed he felt, but other times he said it sucked. He told God that the wicked were getting everything, and he was sick and hurt and lonely.
The place to start with getting real with others was getting real with yourself and real with God. And I told them just like cried out and was real in the psalms they needed to cry out and be real with God too.
I passed out a piece of paper with two verses and three questions on it.
Who do people think you are.
Who do you think you really are.
Why do you hide who you are from God and other people.
We gave them about five minutes to write down their answers, and then I told them their challenge this week was to find at least one other person to share their paper with.
I prayed and we finished City Life. And I sat by myself for a moment thinking of all the things I should have said and didn’t, and the scriptures I wanted to use but didn’t.
I felt, for just a moment, like I wasted an opportunity.
Then a couple of people came up and gave me their papers and walked away.
When I read the first one I started to cry.
The first girl wrote about how she had been raped when she was nine by a family member and everyone thinks she is so brave and strong but she is really afraid all the time and lonely.
Another girl wrote about how she was raped and she uses sex to try to feel love ands to make that hurt go away. And people think she is a slut but she actually hates sex and just wants to be loved.
Another girl wrote about trying to kill herself and how she is still really hurt but afraid to show it.
A boy wrote about how everyone thinks he is funny and goofy, but he is afraid to be real because they wont like the “real him”
Another person wrote about using drugs to stop the pain, and everyone thinks they are this big druggie, but really they are just hurt and angry.
They were REAL.
They got it.
I was able to track down some of them. I got their phone numbers and gave them mine and promised I would talk to each of them more in depth later. I talked to each of them for a few minutes and they all said the same thing. They all thought that they could share what they wrote with me, and I wouldn’t judge them or feel sorry for them , but I would understand.
I know it was such a tiny step, but I felt so so so blessed that they tore down their walls, even for a minute, and they trusted me with what was inside.
And that was not a wasted opportunity.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Do Blondes have more fun?
I am thinking “NO”
because in the past three months I have gone from being a lifelong blonde to a brunette.
And this weekend I went from a brunette to auburn red head.
and I feel SASSY. 
Thanks to Kathy Grunditz for a quick blog idea….
When Kathy and I lived in a house full of girls, we all took the temperment test and then posted the stengths and weaknesses on the bulletin board in our kitchen. I think it helped us understand eachother. And when I moved to Ohio, I had my roomates take the test, and we put our stengths and weaknesses on our doors. Living with a strong Choleric, a strong Melancholy, and a strong Sanguine under one roof isnt always easy… but the more we understand eachother the better we get along…
so what is your temperment?
http://www.oneishy.com/personality
I am about as Sanguine as they come…. I just retook the test this morning and I got 33 Sanguine, thats a lot…
Your scores arebelow
Overall:
Melancholy:3
Phlegmatic:1
Sanguine:33
Choleric:1
Strengths:
Melancholy:0
Phlegmatic:1
Sanguine:19
Choleric:0
Weakneses:
Melancholy:3
Phlegmatic:0
Sanguine:14
Choleric:1
so what does that say about me….
The Extrovert The Talker The Optimist
Strengths of a Sanguine
Appealing personality
Talkative, Storyteller
Life of the Party
Good sense of humor
Memory for color
Physically holds on to listener
Emotional and demonstrative
Enthusiastic and expressive
Cheerful and bubbling over
Curious
Good on stage
Wide-eyed and innocent
Lives in the present
Changeable disposition
Sincere at heart
Always a child
Makes friends easily
Loves People
Thrives on compliments
Seems exciting
envied by others
Doesn’t hold grudges
apologizes quickly
Prevents dull moments
Likes spontaneous activities
Weaknesses of a Sanguine
Compulsive talker
Exaggerates and elaborates
Dwells on trivia
Can’t remember names
Scares others off
Too happy for some
Has restless energy
Egotistical
Blusters and complains
Naive, gets taken in
Has loud voice and laugh
Controlled by circumstances
Gets angry easily
Seems phony to some
Never Grows Up
Hates to be alone
Needs to be center stage
Wants to be popular
Looks for credit
dominates conversations
Interrupts and doesn’t listen
answers for others
Fickle and forgetful
Makes excuses
Repeats stories
I am thinking that people who know me would say that is pretty dang accurate….
so what are you?
This weekend I experienced God.
I know that it easy for people to put God in a box and say how He does or does not work. I am not trying to say that this is the ONLY way to experience God, or even the only way that I personally have experienced Him… but this weekend I came to know God in a more intimate way then I ever have before.
This has been a hard six months for me. I have lost friendships and ended a long term abusive relationship. I struggled to know if I was lovable, and I tried to fill that void with a new relationship. I grieved over death. I lost my car and my job. I moved back into the bottoms and I changed churches. I began a new ministry.
I have struggled to maintain my identity when everything I knew about who I was began to change.
Wave after wave of disappointment and disillusionment have swept over me. Every time I thought I had a footing another wave came and sent me off balance again. Sometimes I thought I was drowning, and sometimes I felt like I was just trying to make it through the day.
And in all of my pain, and all of my trails, I tried to give God glory. I wanted so desperately to worship Him, to honor Him, to serve Him. I know the scripture. I know the truth about God. I wanted to prove that I knew He was in the midst of my struggle.
In the past six months I have truly become a servant of God.
But last night I experienced God in a new way.
I attended a Youth For Christ Confrence over the weekend, and I had been to a seminar on Healthy Missionaries and one on Knowing God, and I felt raw and exposed and challenged.
During worship the band began to play Blessed Be Your Name. As those words rolled around in my head my heart began to break.
I slid to the floor and laid my head against the seat and wept.
I came to God not as a servant to master, but as a daughter to her daddy.
I cried and told him that I needed to feel protected, understood, and loved. I wanted nothing more then to sit at his feet and feel His touch. I wanted to be wrapped in His love. I wanted Him to hold me.
As I sobbed I laid my insecurities, my doubts, and my fears at His throne. I held the pieces of my dreams in my hands and offered them to Him. I cried as I told Him that I did have anything to give Him that wasn’t broken or used.
I was honest about how broken I felt, how abandoned I felt, and how hurt I was. I told Him that I was weary. I was fighting so so hard for Him as a servant, that I didn’t think I could come as a daughter . I knew all the scripture and all the truth and all the answers, but it didn’t change the way the trails had made me feel.
I laid down my broken and lost relationships, my ministry, my finances, my job…
and the music played…. “Though there is pain in the offering… blessed be your name“.
I had come to God, But I still had not allowed God to come to me.
Then Dan Webster came and talked about God calling Samuel, and as he closed his message he asked us to sit in the quiet and listen for God to speak to us.
I felt like I needed to write out what I was feeling, and so I grabbed a pen and wrote
what is it you fear?
At first I tried to convince myself I wasn’t afraid, because the Lord is my Light and my Salvation whom shall I fear, and perfect love expels all fear.
I know what the bible says, but that isn’t what I felt.
I heard again
what is it you fear?
so I wrote.
“Who will want to marry me? Will I ever get married?
Where will I work and when will I find a job?
Where will I live and what will my ministry be?
Who us going to protect me?
Who is going to love me?
Who is going to fight for me?
Who is going to care for me?
Who is going to understand me?”
I sat for a moment with tears streaming down cheeks and I heard a voice in my head say
“I AM.”
“what?” I asked outloud. I wrote down what I felt I was hearing word for word and I want to share it…
“I AM.
I AM the one who seeks your attention. I AM the one who has moved heaven and earth to get to you. I AM the one who fights for you. I have cut away what separates… I want YOU. The real you. The broken you. The you that doesn’t have all the answers. The you that isn’t trying so hard to be spiritual that you miss the spirit. I want you Jamie. I want you to NEED me . Not man. not things. ME. Because I AM.
You are my daughter and I love you. I am sorry this is hard, I am sorry you are hurting. But I promise, I PROMISE that I AM. I AM with you. I AM good. I AM your creator, your maker, your master, your husband, your father, and your God. I AM all you need. I AM He who gives and takes away. I AM the only one who knows you. I know everything about you. I knew everything about you before a single day had passed… and I AM the one who loves you still.
trust in me… I AM enough.”
I sat for a moment, tears rolling my cheeks in awe and in worship. I felt a peace that transcended understanding… I knew the scripture, but it had never been so real to me as in that moment.
I had experienced God, and he is I AM.
Astro Pops are my favorite candy in the world. They make me smile. See. Big smile. 
I often quote songs on my blog when I dont have the right words for what I want to say. One the songs that has been on repeat in my player the past couple of days is Patty Griffin’s Rain. It is all at once a sad song and a song of hope…. It is, in my friend Kateys words, “a song so good it makes me hurt”. And it has been wonderfully rainy and meloncholy outside, which seems fitting…..
so the words to Rain….
its hard to listen to a hard hard heart
beating close to mine
pounding up against the stone and steel
walls that i won’t climb
sometimes the hurt is so deep deep deep
you think that youre gonna drown
sometimes all i can do is weep weep weep
with all this rain falling down
strange how hard it rains now
rows and rows of big dark clouds
but im holding on underneath this shroud
ra-a-a-in
its hard to know when to give up the fight
somethings you want will just never be right
its never rained like it has tonight before
now i don’t want to beg you baby
for something maybe you could never give
im not looking for the rest of your life
i just want another chance to live
strange how hard it rains now
rows and rows of big dark clouds
but im holding on underneath this shroud
ra-a-a-in
strange how hard it rains now
rows and rows of big dark clouds
but im holding on underneath this shroud
ra-a-a-in
strange how hard it rains now
rows and rows of big dark clouds
but im still alive underneath this shroud
ra-a-a-in
ohh ra-a-a-in
ohh ra-a-a-in
these are my girls. are they not too cute? 
