choices
My Life as an Afterschool Special
I hate the grey areas.
You know, when things aren’t black and white. When there isn’t a good choice or a bad choice.. When the possibilities are open and endless.
I feel like I am living in the grey right now. I don’t know where I am going to live, what I am going to do, what ministry I am going to be in.
Right now I am living in the moment. I am serving where I am at. I am trying to be fully HERE, at least until my lease runs out.
But to be honest my heart is somewhere else.
I want to go back to Minneapolis. I really do.
I miss the city. I miss the lakes. I miss my friends. I miss my church.
On the flip side my family is in Ohio. And I love them. I love being close to them… And that is what is keeping me here….
When I moved to Ohio the “plan” was to be here for 6 months.
I was trying to “find” myself.
I wanted to figure out what to do about my relationship with Matt. I wanted to work on being healthier. I wanted to work on my finances. I wanted to get to know my family on a deeper level.
And I have. Its taken almost two years, but I have done what I came here to do…
and now, I have to decide if I am going to stay or going to go home.
Yes to Minneapolis, which is still in my heart of hearts home.
And its grey. I wont be in sin if I chose one or the other. I don’t have this great “Thus sayth the Lord” leading. I have fellowship both places. I have friends both places. I have a church home both places. I have ministry opportunity both places….
But the reality is that I need to decide. I need to pick a place and stay. I have moved 26 times in 26 years.. And the truth is that it is time for me to have roots… It is time to establish myself…..
the amazing this is for the first time I am making a decision on what I want. I am truly single for the first time since I was 14. No one is in the wings… I am just me. I don’t have a job holding me back… There is nothing hindering or influencing my decision…. I can make a decision based on what is best for ME.
and that scares me out of my mind…..
So how do I decide in the grey?
