safe.
I spent the past four days safely tucked away at a catholic church of all places.
The first night I was there I went into the church and all the lights were out and all the candles were lit.
My footsteps echoed, and the stained glass danced in the light.
Everything was so big and so beautiful… I sat down at a pew and started to cry.
I grew up catholic… and I sat at that pew and remembered what it felt like as a little girl walking into mass.
Everything always seemed so big, and so breathtaking. I thought God was so big and so powerful. I always felt so small and safe and protected. I thought God could do anything. I had such awe.
I believed before I even knew what faith was.
But somewhere along the line we grow up. We start getting bigger and God starts seeming smaller. We begin to trust less and take control more.
And yet here I was, sitting alone in a pew crying. What I NEEDED was for God to be big. I needed to feel small and safe and protected. I needed to know that He loved me, and that He saw all my pain and my fears.
I wanted to be that little girl again. Before everything became so hard and complicated.
For the whole first night at the church I didnt talk a soul. I just sat and cried. And it was so so so good just to be still.
I am sure I will write more about all this later
But this weekend I felt safe and small and protected. And I let go of a little control, and in the process gained a lot of peace.
