Desperation.
Its amazing how desperate people can be.
The past month I have looked my own humaness in the face as I grapple with the reality of my deperation.
And today I was reminded of my own desperation in an unexpected place.
I was at the pool and decided to run down the the corner market, Sally’s, and get some bottled water and popcicles for my staff.
Sally’s is on the corner of Sullivant and Davis, one block from my house and three blocks from the pool.
Its central in the bottoms, and there is always a slew of questionable people both inside and outside. Its the kind of store that you would never rob, because you know then men behind the counters would pull out a gun and kill you if you even looked at them wrong (And thats not even me being dramatic, people HAVE died trying to rob sally’s)
When I pulled up a woman came to my car and asked me if I had five dollars.
She was overweight and had stringy greasy hair and a stained tee shirt on. She was dirty and smelled liked body oder and cheap liquor.
“I really need five dollars” she begged. “I am hungry”
I told her that I wasnt going to give her money, but if she was hungry she could come in the store with me and I would buy her something to eat. (This is how I usually handle beggers in my neighborhood. Sometimes I even run to McDonalds and bring them back food)
She said she just needed five dollars and I firmly told her no and reiterated my offer to buy her something to eat if she really wanted the money for food.
As I was talking to her a man pulled up and she turned her attention to him.
“Please give me five dollars” she begged.
The man looked at her and smirked and said “What are you you willing to do for five dollars.”
The woman said “Whatever you want me to.”
The man then opened his car doo and she got in and they drove away leaving me standing there open mouthed.
There is no way that just happened! Are you kidding me!
There are just so many things wrong with that whole scene I dont even know where to start.
FIVE DOLLARS.
She just sold herself for five freaking dollars.
And he… he wanted to… touch her smelly body … and pay her to let him do it.
To be honest, at first I judged them both.
And I when I started writing this I was going to make it a funny story about life in the bottoms.
But the more I sat and thought about what I had just seen, the more I realized I wasnt so different from either of them….
The more I thought about how low and desperate people have become to fullfill the desires of their flesh, for cheap thrills and temporary fixes, the more I realized how broken they must be.
And I am no better. I justify and judge and act rightous because I would never sell myself for five dollars… But really, what seperates me from that woman?
Becuase I am just as desperate sometimes… for a quick fix.. to make the pain stop.. to feel far away and distant from my life.
And although it may be wrapped up in a prettier package, the desperation is the same…
