Life As an Afterschool Special

It has been a year.

One year.

I know I wrote last week about how hard everything is.. and sometimes it IS still really hard. I still am really angry, and I am still learning how to deal with the emotions and consequences of everything that happened the past year.

There have so many times this year that I have been brought to my knees in tears and thrown my hands up at God and told him this was all too hard, too much.

There has been so many times this year that I could only focus on the next minute, the next hour, because tommorow seemed so hard and so far away.

There were so many times this year when I didnt think I could handle the pain, or the fear, or the anger.

But I am.

I am strong.

I am brave.

I am not just surviving. I am thriving. I am growing. I am changing.

I am overcoming.

And it isnt easy.

And I know that may seem completely contridictory to what I wrote last week. And somedays I still cry and some days I still throw my hands up at God and say it is too hard and too much.

But I am overcoming.

And I will overcome.

A good friend recently sent me a mixed cd.

He is one of the few people who really really knows me… both when I am silly and flirty and fun and messy and complicated and angry. He is the kind of friend I have been through the fire with… and because of that I appriciate his friendship greatly.

I have been listening to one of the songs on the CD over and over the past few weeks, and even though it is super cheesy, it reminds me that there are so many people that believe in me and hope for me and love me, that I am not alone, and that the best is yet to come… if I just wait

If ever you are feeling like youre tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill

I ask of you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you are alone
And is your suffering a privilege you share only
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

If you think Ive given up on you youre crazy
And if you think I dont love you well then youre just wrong
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long

I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all but be gone

I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to your face
Theres no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace

Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come

Just Wait~ Blues Traveler

Thank you to thoes who gave your love, and your strength, and your time, and your friendship the past year… I am because of you. I love you.