My weekend started amazingly well. I went with Mike and saw Mute Math on Friday. (I will have to write more about it. LOVED it) Saturday I spent the day at one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been to (again I will have to write more later) and then went out for a drink with Kim.
Sunday wasnt bloody, but there were lots of red leaves and red wine. And that song is in my head. On Sunday Kim picked me up and we went to church at Open Door. The service was about getting quiet and allowing God to speak to you, even though there is often pain in the silence. It really spoke to me, and later as we took communion and the worship band played I sank to the floor and cried. I cried because I am weary and frustrated and I miss the intimacy I had with God.
I have been thinking about that a lot lately. The past year and a half has been incredibly hard, and I have experienced desperation in a way I had never known.
I can remember lying in bed with a grief so deep and a fear so real I would pray “Just the next five minutes God. Please help me make it through the next five minutes. I need you to make it through the next five minutes”
At that time he truly was a light unto my feet. I could only see the step I was taking, and I had to trust him to lead to safety. I needed Him in a way that was more real and truer than anything I had ever experienced.
But I gradually became stronger, and I began to depend on my own strength. I began to take control of my own life. And I started to make plans and lean on my own wisdom. I prayed less. I read my bible less frequently.
And I didn’t even notice how much I missed God until I got quiet enough to hear Him.
After church Kim and I drove to an Apple Orchard/Winery. We turned up Sarah Vaughn and laughed and sat in silence and enjoyed each other and the scenery. Kim is one of my very favorite people because I am so comfortable being real with her and our friendship comes very easy. There is never any pressure.
The drive was beautiful. The sky was grey and bleak but the trees were changing colors and everything looked so alive. I love days like that. They remind me how good God is, and how creation speaks of his glory.
At the Orchard I drank at least ten cups of hot cider (so good) and Kim bought apples. We were leaving and I panicked because I hadn’t picked any apples off the trees. When Kim and I fist pulled up we joked that we don’t look like the type of girls who pick our own apples… but I am always ready for an adventure, so I made Kim stop her car and got out and picked an apple. Just one. But now I can say I picked an apple at the apple orchard.
We also went to a wine tasting, and I bought two bottles of wine.
We were driving home and I had to pee so bad (ten cups of cider and six glasses of wine have that affect) so Kim stopped at a pumpkin patch that had an outhouse. I really was going to take one for the team, but the toilet paper and poo was piled up almost to the top, and I couldn’t sit that close to someone’s poo.
So Kim kept driving and finally stopped in Stillwater. We tried to go at a gas station, but they didn’t have a public restroom and pointed us to the portapotties out back. We walked back and discovered that the art and jazz fest was happening on the lake… YAY!
It was beautiful. The lake was grey and still and the sky was overcast and the leaves were brilliant. And Kim and I walked around with the Jazz music playing in the background and looked at every booth and convinced each other not to buy anything, although we both took the cards of our favorite artists.
On the way home Kim and I laughed a lot and I kept telling her it was the perfect day. It was one of those days that you know you will tuck away in your memory forever.
Kim wrote about Sunday Too!
