Life As an Afterschool Special

Last night was a crazy night. At three am I hear the door bell ringing like someone is laying on it. I am frustrated, but I throw on my robe and turn on my light and look out the window. The ringing stops, but I cant see who is at the door and they dont answer when I yell. My heart is pounding but after checking to make sure my roommate is home (she is), I decide it may be some kid or some drunk person and go get a drink from my bathroom to calm myself.

Then I hear someone trying to get into the back door, so I yell that I am going to call the police, and shut my bedroom door and dial 911. I tell them I have a protection order and I think someone may be trying to get into my house and I ask them to send a car to see.

Then I call a few friends just to process and calm myself down.

After I hang up I hear this loud crash and then someone tries to open the door to my actual apartment. I yell that I am calling the police and hear them run down the stairs.

I laid in bed awake for most of the night. In the morning I called one of my best friends Kathy to tell her I the story. I say “Oh I think some kids or some drunk was trying to play a joke”

But when leave the house I find my backdoor kicked in and the lock broke.

Ok, Not so much a joke.

So I go to the landlords and say “What happened last night” and my landlord replies that he has no idea what I am talking about.

I ask if anyone rang his doorbell and he said no. I tell him the events of last night and he comes and looks at the door with me.

I decide I need to call the police again and actually file a report.

The police comes and I show him my Ohio Protection Order. He says I need to show him my MN protection order and gives me the number of the domestic abuse people he works with so I can get a copy.

I call them and they say my Ohio PO is just as valid. And I am furious. Are you kidding me?! After all the drama of the past month?!

I go back to the officer and tell him what I just heard, and he said they are wrong. So I call the people when I am front of him and thenthe police man talks to them.

They tell him according to some law in 1994 PO are valid in all 50 states, US territories, and on Reservations. He says they are wrong and he is calling the DA to confirm this information.

At this point he gives me his direct line and promises he will find all this out and get back to me.

I HATE THE SYSTEM.

AND SOMEONE BROKE DOWN MY DAMN DOOR.

And it wasnt a robber because they didnt take anything or even try to take anything, because a cd player and other things were left in the stairwell untoched. And Robbers dont usually ring your bell and then still try to break in after they discover you are clearly home.

And agian… I HATE THIS SYSTEM.

The police office (who is my new favorite) does call me back. He tells me that my PO from Ohio was valid and I didnt need one from MN. He says almost no one knows this so the Cheof of police is going to send out a memo informing the rest of the police. And I control myself and dont yell. But in my head I am yelling.

GAH. STUPID STUPID STUPID SYSTEM WHERE NO ONE EVER KNOWS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AND THEY JUST MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE. POLICE DONT KNOW< LAWYERS DONT KNOW AND I HATE EVERYONE. THANKS FOR GIVING MY EX MY ADDRESS YOU STUPID JERKS.

The officer is very nice and says to keep his direct line and gives me the DAs direct line. He says if I ever see my ex to call him and they will arrest him.

The good news is I finally found a friend and advacate in the stupid system. The bad news is my landlord is pissed, my door is broken, I never had to report my change of address, and I am still a little scared.

So… I could use prayers. For peace, and patience, and protection.

I took a job as a personal assistant to a Christian Counselor/Speaker and I have really liked it. When I took the job I told my new boss that I interviewed at a non profit and I really wanted to work with battered woman someday. A few days after I was hired I got an email from the non profit asking me to come back for a third interview. I talked to my new boss about it, and with her blessing I went to the interview.

I arrive at the interview and there are literally NINE people in the conference room to interview me.

I sit down and they start asking me questions about my experience. Most of my experience with working with battered woman (besides personal) is through Christian organizations. I worked with Lovelines Christian Counseling, and I lead a group with Celebrate Recovery.

They start asking me questions about my faith and the role it plays in my life.

One woman turns to me and says, “We strive to break misogynist views. Its part of our mission statement. These are views the church usually upholds. Doesn’t the church say woman need to be quiet and submit”?

And I am thinking are you KIDDING me?! This is an interview! But I answer.

”The church does believe that, but it also believes men should love their wives the way Christ loved the church, and He died for his love. So it isn’t about women being weak, but about both men and woman being strong enough to not be selfish”

We talked more about the church, and I think I offended them when I said I do think there were men roles and woman roles.

And then (this is a huge moment) they asked me if I could share my own experience without talking about faith.

I thought about it and answered no. I couldn’t. And I didn’t know how you could train someone to work with broken hurting battered woman and not talk about faith in something. If this life and all the pain were all there was what hope is there?

I am thinking “This is the worst interview EVER” and they all leave the room. They leave me there for almost 20 minutes and I am thinking “They hate me… I never should have worn a dress and heels”

After 20 minutes they come in and OFFER ME THE JOB.

No joke.

At 20.00 an hour.

But the lady said “I hope you are ok with not talking about your faith. I know you love your religion, but I hope you love helping woman more”

And I want to say yes. But I open my mouth and out comes “I am sorry, I can’t. I wish you the best of luck, but I am really not what you are looking for. This isn’t a good fit”

I wanted to cry.

But I realized in that moment that although my heart of hearts is to work with broken women; I can not and I will not do it with out God.

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It’s just a moment
This time will pass

U2~ Stuck in a Moment

I woke up this morning and took a deep breath and thought “I am ok” and I meant it. Despite all things that have gone wrong the past few weeks (with Bob and Matt and Amy and my car and money and looking for a roommate) I really am ok.

And it has nothing to do with my “box”

It is because I have learned when everything else is falling apart, when I feel most alone, that is when God is most near. He is comfort and strength and rest.

And I am ok because I have amazing people in my life who love me and care for me and support me.

My family encourages me and prays for me and loves me unconditionally. The hope for me, and they believe in me. Even though they are far away I know I am cared for.

And I have friends who have become family, and who have let me lean on them. On Sunday night I sent a text to a few friends saying only “Can I sleep on your couch. I need a friend”

Every single one of them called me back immediately and listened to me cry and offered comfort and support. One friend text me back and said “Stay where you are, I am coming to you” and picked me up and took me to her house and made me laugh.

My friends have slept at my house and let me sleep at their house this week, and they have come over and helped clean out the mess my roommate left and organize and taken me out to dinner. And yesterday when my car broke down a dear friend sat at Dunn Brothers for over three hours and waited with me while the tow truck came. (This is where I have to add not only did my car break down, but I got a parking ticket because of it. Ha.)

And this morning I got a text from a friend who offered to take me to her parents cabin this weekend. Her text said, “Cabin this weekend. Sex in the City Season one and two. Wine. Red or white?”

I am going to lie in the sun and drink white wine and watch Sex in the City.

And I am going to be ok. Because I am loved. And this time will pass.

Blatantly stealing an idea from Carla and Adriene

(This only works if people actually read my blog)

I’ve got my player on shuffle, and I’ve listed the first lines of the first 25 songs that pop up. (Although I cheated and made sure they were all different artist, because I didnt have that many to choose from)

Your job is to guess what song it is! I’ll cross the songs off as people guess the right ones. (If I can figure out how)

1. “We might kiss when we are alone when nobody’s watching…”

2. “Early one morning the sun was shining I was laying in bed…”

3. “This is where the party ends I can’t stand here listening to you…”

4. “When I was a young boy, said put away those young boy ways…”

5. “And to love a god and to fear a flame….”

6. “Money talks but it dont sing and dance and it don’t walk…”

7. “I sit two stories above the street it’s awful quiet here since love fell asleep…”

8. “I don’t how to explain it, but i know the words would hardly do. Miracles and signs and wonders…”

9. “Cold coolin at a bar, and I’m lookin for some action But like Mike Jagger said…”

10. “Childhood living is easy to do, The things you wanted…”

11. “I wanna tease you I wanna please you I want to show you babe that I need you…”

12. “She never mentions the word addiction in certain company…”

13. “On a long and lonesome highway, east of omaha…”

14. “Well he jumps in the taxi, headed for the sky. He’s off to slay some demon dragonfly…”

15. “You in the mirror, starin back at me, oh concious let me be…”

16. “Excuse me, but can I be you for a while? My dog won’t bite…”

17. “She’s got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories…”

18. “If that’s all you will be, you’ll be a waste of time, you’ve dreamed a thousand dreams…”

19. “You’re dangerous ’cause you’re honest. You’re dangerous, you don’t know what you want…”

20. “I guess this time you’re really leaving. I heard your suitcase say goodbye…”

21. “I dreamed I went to heaven You were there with me…”

22. “Breath it in and breath it out and pass it on it’s almost out…”

23. “You won’t admit you love me. And so how am I ever to know…”

24. “All I can see is black and white and white and pink with blades of blue…”

25. “In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and flies away…”