Life As an Afterschool Special

I shared these opinions as Part 2 because I think they represent how a majority of us view single Christians in both a positive and negative light.

My conclusion is there is not a one size fits all answer. People are complicated beings, and love is messy. We don’t all share the same background or lifestyle, therefore we can’t possibly have the same reasons for why we are single. I am guessing, in diving more more into this topic, we will discover there isn’t a one size fits all answer in how to live out single life either.

All the discussion of singleness has lead me to question my own situation and singleness.

I spent six out of the ten adult years of my life dating and engaged to Matt, and another three dealing with the consequences of that choice. Actually I still deal with the consequence of that choice.

While there have been times that I have worried that I spent the majority of my adult life with a man so clearly wrong for me and in the process of doing so missed my chance at love and marriage, in my heart of hearts I don’t really believe that to be true.

I think I will get married. I think one day there will be a man who knows me and loves me just as I am and yet hopes for me and wants to see me grow into the strong woman of God I can be. While often the lies of men who have hurt me play in my head about how hard I am to love and about everything wrong that I do and am, I am learning to hold to the truth.

And (this is where I may sound vain) I know men like me. I date. More then I should at times. But I know some men find me cute, and fun, and sweet. I know I am fiercely loyal and supportive and encouraging. Because of those things and more I think I will make an amazing wife one day, and I think the spiritual gifts I have along with my experience will allow me to become a good “helpmate”. I think God created me like and for that. I think I greatly desire to be a wife and a mother, and I believe that God placed that want on my heart and He is good and faithful.

So why am I 28 and still single if I am so amazing? (I know, I ask myself that all the time. Heh.)

I think my friends had amazing answers to these questions… my answers:

The first answer is because of Gods timing. I agree with Lydia. He is shaping me and molding me to the woman I know He wants me to be. I have experienced a lot of pain and heartache, and I do have issues and baggage that will take many years to overcome, but I am overcoming. I am growing and running the race. Slowly at times, and sometimes my run is more of a crawl, but I am learning through my successes and failures. I am becoming a woman of substance and a woman of courage and a woman of strength and faith. My walk is more real now than it ever was, and I know I can face almost anything.

So I am still single because I am still in a place where I am becoming “me” and because of God timing. I am also still single because between the ages of 18 and 24 I dated the same man, and between 24 and 27 had to run from him. And that is honestly the time when everyone around me was falling in love with people from college and church and such and getting married.

The truth is Jeff and Hannah are right. The dating pool has shrunk. There are a lot less people out there who are looking then there was when I was 18. And a lot fewer places to find someone. I have been at the same church for 8 years, I don’t go to college anymore… where do I find fun attractive single men with good taste in music who love Jesus?

Also… I am picky. I have been really really really hurt. And betrayed in some of the worst ways you can be by someone you love. And even though at times I may seem like an open book, those who know me well know it takes me a long long long time to trust. I stay surfacy for way longer than I should because I am afraid of people knowing the real me and getting hurt. So I stay shallow and silly and fun and flirty and guard my heart and dont let people really in (even though some may think they are). So in that regard Steve is right. I am single because I am broken, and I don’t trust.

And while I am being honest, I will admit I have only been seriously interested and “dating” (not to be confused with going on dates) four men since I was 18. And Matt was one of them, and two of them were long distance. So if I am honest, while I have lots of experience flirting and going on dates, I am actually kind of new when it comes to having good healthy long lasting relationships. In some way I kind of suck at it.

So there you have it. I am amazing, but I am single for all those reasons and more.

And I am ok with it. Usually. I want to get married. I think I will get married. Sometimes I worry because I know loving me wont always be easy, but I really do think I am a good catch and worth fighting for.

So that is WHY I think I am single… now… How to live it out becomes the issue.

As a Christian single can you “date”? And if you do what are the physical boundaries? Where are you supposed to find these single people? What are you supposed to look for? What is appropriate single relationships look like?

Because what Sex in the City tell you you are supposed to look like and what I Kissed Dating Goodbye tell you are polar opposites.

And I find myself in the Grey middle.