Life As an Afterschool Special

I took Spanish for one year in highschool and one year in college. You would think I would be far more fluent than I am, but instead of working hard and studing the language, I dated my TA and got an A. YAY! Now I can flirt in spanish.

Tu es mui guapo! Toca la guitarra? Tengo gusto de músicos!!Usted desea besarme?

Heh.

Despite my utter lack of bilingual skills, I LOVE watching telemundo. Maybe its because they flirt enough for me to have a tiny clue into what they are talking about, but more than likely its because they are so deliciously dramatic.

Seriously! Have you ever watched a Spanish soap opera? They put english versions to shame. Men get angry and break chairs and tear off their shirts in anguish and woman cry and fall to the ground and beg the men not to leave them almost every show. I love it!

My roommates make fun of me because they often come home to find me on the couch glued to a television program I cant understand. They ask me what is happening and I answer “That man who just crushed the glass in his hand and is now bleeding is angry, and the woman who is crying is very sad”

Oh the universal language of drama!

But I have a new favorite game and it makes telmundo even better (as if that were even possible)

Now I watch with the volume turned down low and make up my very own lines. Amy came home the other day and heard me talking in living room. I was by myself, but I was playing all the characters of telemundo at once. Like this:

Angry Spanish Man: How could you do this to me? After all we have been through? After all I have given you? Look at this house! Look at all we have (throws the chair) This chair means nothing to me now. NOTHING!

Crying Spanish Woman: Please. Please. That chair is from Ikea. Do you know how hard it was to get it past customs?! We can work it out. I didnt mean to sleep with your twin brother but it was so dark I didnt know it wasnt you! I didnt know. (she falls to the ground and grabs his leg) Dont leave me!

Angry Spanish Man: You whore! When I found you broken and begging on the streets who was it that came and rescued you? Who was it that gave you a life and a home and furniture from Ikea? It was Me! ME! And this is how you repay me? How could you do this to me? (man throws open door) Get out! Get out now! I never want to see you again!

Crying Spanish Woman: You cant throw me out. I love you. I love you! (woman continues to grovel at mans feet. Suddenly she looks up and dramatic music plays. Close up of her face)

*I just wanted to interrupt to say this is my FAVORITE moment of telemundo. The dramatic music followed by the close up of a characters face. You just know a shocking secret is being revealed*

Crying Spanish Woman: How dare you judge me! No one is perfect! Not even you! We all have secrets. Even you. I know what you keep locked in the attic. (more dramatic music and close up of mans shocked face)

END SCENE

See! Isnt that just the most delciously dramatic fun game ever?! You should play it sometime!

Telemundo, cómo te quiero! Tendría sus bebés.