Life As an Afterschool Special

I am not sure I can be as witty and funny as my friends… But i thought I would try to follow the lead of Brandi, Scott, Susan, and Kari…

Dear Cost Cutters,
Have you no shame?! Do you not have a moral code of right and wrong? Do you not cringe at bad hairstyles and is it not your duty to inform someone that the hairstyle they like not only went out of style twenty years ago, but it is in fact debatable on whether “style” can be used when referring to their cut at all? And yet you send my roommate home with what can only be considered a girl mullet. I dont care if she likes the front short and the back long. Have you no shame? How can you sleep at night knowing you did that to her? You charged her for that haircut. Shame on you cost cutters, and your mullet giving stylist.

Love from the 21st century, where mullets are no longer “in”,
Jamie

Dear Peroneus Longus,
I hate you. I do not understand why you decided to tear when I was running. I was trying to make you strong and healthy, and I was starting to actually enjoy running. It hurt when I slipped on the trail and twisted my ankle, but it hurt even more because you tore in the process. Now I ice you and heat you, I have the doctor look at you and the physical therapist rub you out, and still you hurt me. I have even given up highheels and flip flops and switched to shoes with stability for you. What more do you want from me? Please get well soon.

Hating “practical” shoes,
Jamie

Dear OH Drivers Licence,
Please come home. I am sorry I lost you at the liquor store. I hope you know its not because I dont want you or need you. I do! Without you I am nothing. I can’t use my visa debit card or get into bars or drink big girl drinks or drive a car. I tried to replace you with a MN drivers licence today, but they made me take a road test and I failed. Please hurry home. I need you.

Soberly,
Jamie

Dear MN BMV,
I realize that because I lost my Ohio drivers licence I am supposed to pass a road test to get a MN driver licence, but maybe we could bend the rules this once and let my written test suffice. I am sorry that I ran over your orange cones while trying to park and ran a red light today, but I do not think your instructor was warranted in calling me an absolutely terrible driver. He was also being a bit overdramatic when he grabbed the wheel, I was not heading into traffic. And I am sorry I told him that he sucked and I didnt like him, but he was rather unpleasent. You are not my favorite.

Still taking the bus,
Jamie