and one more for the road.
(I was tempted to give an apology of this…thing I’m writing, but I’ve decided against that. The writing is the only apology I need.)
For no real reason at all, I threw the thing as hard I could. I reached down and found something violent and I just ripped across the parking lot with abandon. It was my only option. And as I watched it sail through the sky I hoped that someone would step in it. I hoped that they would be walking along innocently and that would step right in the middle of it. I hope that he would curse loudly at some damn fool who had thrown his gum down just where anyone could step on it and I hoped that he would always have that blue stain on the bottom of his shoe. I wished every bit of that in spite of you. In spite of me. I wished it all in spite of a deeply encoded sense of propriety that makes me open doors for the people behind and treat people with respect. I wished it in spite of smiling at strangers and washing my hands after I use the bathroom. I wished it in spite of doing all I could to make sure I did things the right way and treated you the way I thought a person should be treated. I wished it in spite of the way I kept everything together for you to see while I couldn’t hard stand to be close to you.
And there it was. There it all was. As that piece of gum arced across the parking lot in the slowest of motions, I said all that I needed to say.
(And if you read this, and you know it’s about you, I only hope you’ll understand.)