sure it is kid, winners cut bait.
with my mind filled with everyone else’s thoughts, i try to find a space that is my own.
most days i’m not even sure why.
when i try to be quiet and find what lies beneath a surface constantly plugged into headphones and televisions, i find that there is not much there.
i consume much, but i exist as very little.
i think very little.
i am affected by very little.
i chew over very little.
instead i devour it. i gnash at it and swallow it and rid myself of its presence.
and after the gnashing of teeth i do not think of it again.
i continue as i always have.
i go as i am pushed.
i follow as i am led.
i take in everything and am transformed by nothing.
i wondered if i have peddled away the most important parts of me for things that collect dust on shelves.
i wonder if i am that man who forfeited what he truly was to get a little piece of what could never do him any good anyway.
is it different now? now that i’m older?
at this place where i’ve got the problem of knowledge without the wisdom of age?
where cynicism has misplaced youthful ideas but is not yet tempered significant reflection?
it feels some days like those people who had it so much worse might just have had it so much better.
they may have died at 45 and only bathed on holidays, but they were freer.
they could retreat beyond this cacophony that is constant connection.
they had no cellular cords to cut.
they did no battle with the constant din of targeted marketing.
the work of their hands was the sustenance of their life.
and it was hard, but i wonder if it was not good.
is it any consequence that all that is billed as the stuff that will make our lives better
is the stuff that makes piles and piles and dollars?
and the stuff that has no place in the “free” market is the stuff that generates no revenue for anyone?
is that just coincidence?
am i just a madman? Ranting about conspiracies to capitalize on the human search for happiness and belonging? is that who i am?
am i crazy to question the assumptions of this thing we’ve built? crazy to wonder if progress is good? crazy to wonder if the american dream only exists in the minds of the people who are selling it? crazy to imagine how life would be if we did it differently?
am i crazy to wonder what life is like in a sphere where i can question the fundamental assumptions?
crazy to think that questioning power is less my right and more my duty?
am i crazy to re-imagine life and wealth and power?
am i crazy to question the cult of marriage and its millions of dollars?
am i crazy to question the cult of children and its million dollars?
am i crazy to laugh at all of these notions of success that shackle us to things that we never wanted anyway for the sake of a life that cannot make us happy?
who knows. maybe i am.
April 26th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
You sir, are not crazy.
Everyone else, is.
No, thats not me making a joke at your expense, thats the Truth.
The basic human needs are these, as defined from a humanistic perspective, SIMPLY put:
Air to breath
Water to drink
Food to eat
Obvioustly we all need more than that, to be “happy.”
Bottom line: We were not promised happiness in this world, this world isn’t fair, or right, its FLAWED, by design.
Keep Plowing, Keep Writing, Your actions make a difference.
Doug
April 30th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Yes… flawed by design… interesting way of putting it. Maybe “flawed by design” in the same way that an obstacle course is “flawed by design.”