And so I’m having a wonderful time but I’d rather be whistling in the dark
There is only one thing that I know how to do well
And I’ve often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well
And that’s be you
Be what you’re like
Be like yourself -They Might Be Giants
Last Friday, Trey and I had a little discussion about my love for They Might Be Giants. I thought this affection was common knowledge, but it is apparently not. I have been a [fairly casual] fan of theirs for a while. My cousin introduced me to their stuff back when Flood was a new album. I love Flood. It’s still the only album of theirs I own, but I have borrowed other albums from time to time and enjoyed them. (Mike is not really a fan - he thinks that TMBG sound like they might one day grow up to be the Barenaked Ladies. He would prefer I listened to the “adult” TMBG. hehehe.) Anyway, because of that discussion, I listened to Flood (an album that’s always in my car) on my way to the beach. Since then, I’ve been thinking about the above lyrics quite a lot. I do not think I am very good at being myself. As tough as I have been known to talk, I have a tendency to back down to make other people happy, so they will like me. Mike and I were discussing this yesterday - I have to be pretty secure with my companions for me to hold firm to an opinion that might affect others (ie the time for a meeting or which restaurant I would prefer). This is a pretty common girl thing - be a people pleaser, make others like you, be submissive! I am clearly a very opinionated person, but I do tend to back down if my preferences will “inconvenience” someone. I’m not talking so much here about deeply-held beliefs . . . just that I have been known to inconvenience myself or change my plans instead of telling someone that I just couldn’t meet during that time. It’s as if I am afraid - that I believe - my plans aren’t as important as theirs. I want to learn how to be able to say, “I can’t meet at that time, because my plans are important, too,” or to be free to laugh at things I think are funny instead of first checking what everyone else’s response is. I want to not hide the cover of the trashy novel I’m reading. I want to not worry so much about what I’m wearing and if it meets everyone’s approval. I want to be less self-conscious and more free. I am not sure where I am trying to fit in, but I want to stop. Like everything else I want to change about myself, it’s hard to know where to begin with that, though.
Today has been a wild-and-crazy day at the library. First there were thunderstorms all night, which I mostly slept through, but which still gave everyone a slightly groggy feeling this morning. Those thunderstorms knocked out the library’s internet during the night, though, which was awkward. And on top of that, we are trying out a new system for our public internet stations and it’s been buggy. Luckily, wild-and-crazy at the library is still pretty mild compared to some places. hehe.
June 4th, 2004 at
I’d like to see you stick to your guns, even when we’re arguing. Just because I’m convinced I’m right doesn’t mean that it’s true.
:hug:
June 4th, 2004 at
Kari.. did you know that TMBG has a phone line that you can call.. where you can hear a new song that they’ve been working on every week?.. I’ll find it and give it to you sometime.. and you my friend are awesome.. an incredible picture of strength in my mind…I admire you.
OH.. and..wild and crazy at the library is CRAZY!.. you know.. because of the staxxx.. hehe..
June 4th, 2004 at
Isn’t one of their CDs all their Dial-A-Song songs from the past 20 years or something? I have never called myself, though.
June 4th, 2004 at
I dont know if they have a cd of those songs or not.. hmmm.. I have a DVD of them at home though.. that you would enjoy.. its called Gigantic: The Tale of Two Johns….someday when we are the Lindsey’s… you can come by and watch it…
June 4th, 2004 at
Ive heard of TMBG before but never looked into thier music. I listen to the samples on the amazon link you gave Kari and I think this would be a fun ablum. I’ll have to check more into them.
June 4th, 2004 at
While we’re talking about them, if someone wants to buy me their children’s book, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.
And, if someone wants to tell me which other albums I should request, I’d appreciate it. I don’t remember which of the others I liked the best.
June 4th, 2004 at
I haven’t listened to much TMBG, but what i have heard I have liked.
June 4th, 2004 at
Kari, if you don’t act like yourself, who do you act like? Apparently “yourself” is a submissive person…no?
June 4th, 2004 at
I would have to say no. I think submissive is the wrong word entirely. I think I am a people-pleaser . . . and I often feel marginalized because I didn’t stand up for myself. This is different than being flexible. It’s being afraid to admit that I have tastes and preferences and plans because I don’t want someone to be “mad” at me.
Dictionary.com says submissive means “inclined or willing to submit.” I suppose I am willing to submit in that I do it, but not in the sense that I feel like it’s a good decision. Not like choosing to submit to Mike or to a pastor.
I am not saying submission is wrong - there are often times when it is right and good to set your personal preferences aside - just that I should have been able to say to my group members, “I can’t meet on Monday nights because I have a meeting at church on that night every week.” Or, if I say, “I like vegetables best on pizza,” and someone else says, “I only like meat on pizza,” why do we end up ordering the meat lovers? I back down when I shouldn’t.
My whole point is that I often do things that aren’t being true to myself and my opinions just to make other people happy. I am not saying that my ultimate goal should be to make myself happy - just that I shouldn’t have to pick sausage off my pizza just because someone else is unwilling to pick mushrooms off his. It’s okay that I want mushrooms. I can say that.
June 4th, 2004 at
I guess really what you’re saying is that backing down willinging, in a sense of humility is a good thing…but often times you find yourself backing down becauase of fear…which isn’t good.
I do that often as well.
June 4th, 2004 at
Yes, thank you Mr. Clarification.
June 4th, 2004 at
was that a jab? :p
June 4th, 2004 at
No, a compliment. It took me four paragraphs to say what took you one sentence.
June 4th, 2004 at
but yours was more fun to read.
June 4th, 2004 at
When we order pizza tonight, you are going to insist on meat lover’s, aren’t you?
June 4th, 2004 at
you’re eating anchovies and sausage….
and I don’t want to hear any whining.
June 4th, 2004 at
I think I’ll get dinner on my own and just meet you guys at the theater.
Bleh.
June 4th, 2004 at
no, you’ll be coming here.
June 4th, 2004 at
Well, see, I’m allergic to your dog, and I am out of Claratin. So maybe I’d better get dinner on my own, so as to not be sneezy. I’m just trying to be considerate of the rest of the movie-viewing audience. *cough*anchoviesaregross*cough*
June 4th, 2004 at
arent you two gonna SEE each other tonight? lol
June 4th, 2004 at
Shut up, Trey. You’re just jealous you’re not coming to see Harry Potter with us.
June 4th, 2004 at
actually I am.. thanks for rubbing it IN!!! you guys arent dressin up are you?…
June 4th, 2004 at
We thought about it, but we just didn’t have time to get it together. Plus, I am in a wedding next week where I have to wear a red dress, and I didn’t want to dye my hair red again in case it clashed and I looked awful. I am vain. And considerate of my friend’s wedding pictures.
June 4th, 2004 at
i told you you can have some claratin. now, BACK DOWN and eat these anchovies.
Trey, you too.
June 4th, 2004 at
mmm… anchovies… kari.. seriously.. did you dye your hair red last time?.. I was only kidding about the dressing up thing.. I mean.. I know you guys did it for Halloween.. but thats different.. I MUST see pictures of you with dyed red hair.. please tell there are some.. hehe
June 4th, 2004 at
Yeah, I dressed up as Ginny Weasley for Halloween and dyed it red. It wasn’t as red as I wanted it, but it was definitely red. I’m going to be Ginny again next year, too. It was fun.
Brian: :X
June 5th, 2004 at
Kari, you have the finest taste in music!
June 6th, 2004 at
Kari–
I know that throwing a book title at someone who has just described a heart-wrenching problem in their life is a little like being Adam’s Bible Ass Man…but I’m an ass anyway, so here goes (and besides, your a librarian!):
Have you ever read “When People are Big and God is Small” by Ed Welch? It helped me tremendously when I realized that I was way too much a people pleaser.