Kari behaving badly
On Sunday, church was just awful. We hadn’t been in a while, since we have been out of town a lot lately, so we didn’t know that all the pastors would be out of town for the holiday weekend. It wasn’t like we had the second string, either. It was more like the eighth or ninth string. The music was okay, but the sermon (hereafter referred to as The Worst Sermon Ever) was long and boring. It started off okay, but it crashed and burned soon after.
I have to admit that I got bored. I entertained myself by folding paper airplanes out of just about anything made of paper that was available in the pew. I got frustrated. I flipped through the hymnal. The Worst Sermon Ever was also the Longest Sermon Ever. And then, I noticed something. Our regular pastor’s family was there, even though he wasn’t. And Mrs. Pastor sings in the choir, so the family in front of us was sitting with the kids. Our pastor’s youngest son had pulled his shirt up over his head and was rocking back and forth, back and forth. I started laughing.
Laughing during The Worst Sermon Ever is not the best way to make friends with the guest pastor. It being a holiday weekend, there wasn’t a lot of buffer, even though we were sitting about halfway back. I am told that my face was as red as my shirt, and that, while I was looking down, trying to get myself under control, the guest pastor was looking angrily in my general direction. (My response? Don’t be so boring, then!) Instead of shaking his hand when we left, we snuck out the back. Yes, we are that immature.
Sad to say, this wasn’t the worst-behaved I’ve ever been in church. At our old church one packed out Sunday morning, I was taking sermon notes when I realized that Mike was just copying my notes instead of taking his own. I wrote, “And then the aliens sucked out their brains.” He copied it, and it wasn’t until he was done that he realized what he had written. We started laughing. And couldn’t stop. Did I mention that the church was packed out? Let me also mention that, in an unusual move, we were sitting about four rows back instead of our usual ten or twelve. And a very large man was sitting next to me. By “next to me” I mean “halfway in my seat.” I had little to no buffer from the pastor, and I was disturbing everyone around me. This of course only made things funnier. I remember snorting at one point. I have never left church as ashamed as I did that day.
Most of my “behaving badly in a formal setting” stories (including this one) have to do with laughing inappropriately. This week, in a valiant but fruitless effort to stop laughing, I thought of sad things like Jimmy Shea’s grandpa dying right before the Olympics and September 11 and “Avalanches, earthquakes, famine…and I’m out.” How do you stop laughing in these kinds of situations? What’s the worst/most embarassing thing you’ve ever done in church?
July 8th, 2004 at
geez.. welcome to my world.. I always laugh at inappropriate times.. its part of my spiritual gift of being in the way.. they are tied together.. something about wrong places.. hehe..
when I was about 16 I was sitting with some friends at church.. and something like that happened.. the sermon was boring.. and something stupid happened and we started laughing… and couldnt stop.. and we were trying… so after about 5 minutes.. I got up to leave.. because I was disturbing people around me… when I started to stand up.. our pastor at the time (the man who married laura and I.. and whom I miss deeply).. Bro. Jim.. said from the pulpit “Trey Lampley.. sit back down.. Mickey Mangrum…. Josh Hughes.. Trey Lampley.. sit there and be quiet.. and see me after service..”
yep.. called out in the middle of 300 people in the middle of the Sunday morning sermon.. I could have DIED at that moment… I have a few more.. but if I write them out.. this will be the longest comment ever… hehe…
July 8th, 2004 at
AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That’s awful. But awesome. Awfully awesome.
July 8th, 2004 at
When Gretchen and I get bored by sermons at our church (which is an increasingly frequent occurrence, something that causes us no small amount of consternation), we play the guess-what-the-next-sermon-point-is game. Our church does sermon outlines with the main points listed but with one or two words missing from each. It feels like a short answer test to me, so we take the test every week. We can normally infer enough from the sermon topic, the context of the sentence and where the blank is, and the scripture proof texts that accompany each point that we come pretty close to nailing it. So we have our fill-in-the-blank sermon notes collaboratively filled in 3 minutes after the sermon begins.
July 8th, 2004 at
I’ve always had an easy time being attentive: Mom was in the choir and Dad ran sound. That meant that they both had good angles to see me acting like a moron.
Mind you, I have a couple scars on the inside of my cheek that may never heal …
GFM <– now glad to sit in the choir loft
July 8th, 2004 at
I got called out by my pastor once too…not by name, he just said “there’s two youth in the front who need to settle down and pay attention.” my friend and I looked around like “oooh…someone got busted.” of course, it was us. Though I can’t remember actually doing anything other than passing notes back and forth.
July 8th, 2004 at
Of all the people I have ever gone to church with, my mother is BY FAR the worst instigator of mid-sermon laughing fits. One Sunday the associate pastor at my parents’ church was giving the sermon, and was wearing a rather… well, 70s psychedelic print shirt. Thus my mother insisted on making Partridge family jokes throughout the ENTIRE sermon… bad, bad influennce!! (You see why we’re the Gilmore Girls??? :))
July 8th, 2004 at
My dad used to be a pastor, so he would frequently call me out during his sermons.
My most embarassing moment in church: (and I can’t believe I’m sharing this…damn you, Kari)
I lead worship on Sunday mornings. And right after worship we have a time of welcome, announcements, and then we have a silent time of prayer/reflection. Well, I was up on the stage right behind the pulpit getting ready to lead another song after we had our “silent time of prayer”…when I sneezed. But I got an added bonus: apparently my breakfast hadn’t sat well that morning with me…and I sneezed and farted simultaneously. Now, I know what you’re thinking…”What did you do, Chrissy?!” Well, instead of keeping my head down and my eyes closed, I immediately looked up to see who heard it…and through the first 7-8 rows, I saw heads lift up and people giggling everywhere.
My pastor later told me that he was glad that it didn’t smell.
July 8th, 2004 at
Chrissy wins.
July 8th, 2004 at
OH
MA
GOD!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
July 8th, 2004 at
HEY! It happens.
July 8th, 2004 at
ahh… these are great stories…
(i, OTOH, prefer to instigate other people’s misbehavior rather than draw attention to myself.)
July 8th, 2004 at
Charles…I admitted my story. Don’t be a wuss.
July 8th, 2004 at
HAHAHAHA! That’s awesome, Chrissy.
I have learned that the thing to do in that situation is to fake it - look around to see who else could have done it. I am the master at this.
-sneaky Kari
(Charles, tell your story!)
July 8th, 2004 at
kari has just admitted to being a master at farting in church..
my life will never be the same…
hhaha!
July 8th, 2004 at
Not just at church! Everywhere!
*looks around sneakily*
July 8th, 2004 at
That story about the aliens is hilarious!
July 8th, 2004 at
The fact that Kari farts at ALL…completely throws me for a loop.
Chrissy, on the other hand….SHE FARTED IN MY BED!
July 8th, 2004 at
kari, now I know who dealt it.
I’m on to you.
July 8th, 2004 at
No one will believe you, Brian.
July 8th, 2004 at
You know, I’m a guy…and I don’t even go around farting EVERYWHERE. you should have that checked.
July 9th, 2004 at
Oh, please. I have a dad and a brother and a husband. I know how much guys fart.
July 9th, 2004 at
is that why you fart everywhere you go?
July 9th, 2004 at
If you got a dog, you could blame it for the farts.
July 9th, 2004 at
No. I do it to spite you.
July 9th, 2004 at
now you’re just being mean.
July 9th, 2004 at
Has anyone come up with a name for that “I-sneezed-so-hard-it-made-me-fart” syndrome? I had that happen to me last week and my kids (ages 4 and 2) thought it was hilarious (my 8 month old just doesn’t get the comedic genius of it yet). They asked what I did, so I had to call it something. I called it a “snart”.
July 9th, 2004 at
A snart?! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I’m stealing that.