Through a Glass, Darkly

This will make more sense if you read the earlier parts of the story.

After Kelly’s intern year at Elon, I helped her move to Wilmington. I got my dad’s truck, the one with the lift on the back (because of that move, it’s now affectionately referred to as “the big-ass truck”) and helped her and her parents and her boyfriend (she ‘fessed up eventually) drive her stuff all the way down I-40.

I think her move to Wilmington was the make-it-or-break-it as far as our relationship went. We had just gone through two years of getting closer, and now she was moving away. She moved in June, and I went to visit her in August (bearing a dresser for her boyfriend. In my car. Thirty cubic feet of passenger space. No, Volkswagen did not pay me to say that. But if they wanted to do a series of commercials featuring me, I wouldn’t say no). I tried to go and visit her as often as I could, and we emailed a lot, staying up-to-date with each other’s lives.

Kelly has been one of my hugest supporters as far as grad school and being a librarian. I look at Kelly and I see someone who is fun and outgoing and a snazzy dresser. I look at myself and I see someone who is a lot quieter and more of a homebody. And who doesn’t love shopping as much as most girls. If I think about it, I could let myself feel inadequate. What I love the most about Kelly is that she never makes me feel inadequate. She believes that being a librarian is a cool thing for me to do. She’s one of my only friends who likes to talk about books. She cheers on my book club and my house and makes me feel like I am important. I feel like I fail her so much, because she is such a good friend to me.

Over the summer, Kelly got married, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Sometimes I go to weddings and I get a little jealous of the bride and the groom. Maybe their wedding featured unlimited funds, or maybe all the parents are there and it makes my heart twinge. But, at Kelly’s wedding, even though all the parents were there and her wedding was much fancier than mine, I wasn’t jealous at all. I was so happy for her. I think this says a lot more about the kind of friend she is to me than it does about any growth on my part. I had so much fun at all the bridesmaids-y things, and the wedding was beautiful, and the reception was a ton of fun. I left happy (and glad to finally be able to change my shoes). That hardly ever happens (not the shoes part - that usually happens).

When your friends get married, there’s always this weird adjustment period. What will they be like? Will we still be friends? Will we be couple friends? So far this year, we have spent a weekend with them every month since April (except September - a busy time for an IV staffworker). They are quickly becoming our best “couple friends.” Kelly and I can hang out while the boys play Halo, and we all eat dinner together. As outgoing as Kelly is, they are our “homebody” friends - we all cook together and play games and mix up drinks in the blender.

The past few years are the years marked with trips to the beach, going to get donuts in our pajamas, crashing a going away party in our pajamas, weird church experiences, building furniture with Scott while getting to know him (and laughing at his jokes), throwing our joint birthday tea party, margaritas, trying on wedding dresses, switching to Diet Dr Pepper, “23 hours,” Miss Congeniality, and brownies.

I think friendships born of drama can at times have an element of honesty and trust that others don’t have. Kelly and I have worked through our past differences, so there’s not really anything that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with her. We’ve both grown up a lot in the past seven years, and that growing has brought us closer together instead of moving us apart.

I have spent a lot of space on this blog lamenting friendships that haven’t gone the way I hoped, and yet I look at my friendship with Kelly and see an amazing collection of individual moments that pushed us toward the friendship we have today. Moments of honesty, moments of agreement, shared laughter and tears and Friends quotes and baking and (in case you didn’t notice) lots and lots of pajamas. It’s as if I woke up one morning and realized that Kelly is one of my very best friends. It’s nice to pause and think about how that happened.

I wrote these entries for weeks and weeks, and still they feel incomplete. Some things . . . well, as much as I love words, some things can’t be expressed in words. So, I offer this picture instead. Here’s where we are today.