And I’m not God I’m a girl I confess that I don’t have sea of forgetfulness
I have been in a couple of situations lately where lapsed friends of mine - people who know the most about the deep dark hard things about my life but deserted me when I needed them most - are now trying to rekindle the friendship. In one situation, there was an apology of sorts, but in the other, it appears that they have no idea that their lack of commitment has burned some people.
It’s hard to know what to do in situations like these - should you challenge these people? What’s the point of that - just to demand an apology, or actually to repair the relationship? Is it worth it? How much do you dredge up the past and how much do you just try to move forward?
Mike and I were talking about this last night, and in one of the situations (the one with the apology) he really wants to work on the relationship, but I am feeling more cautious. I can’t imagine diving in and being vulnerable like that again . . . I am not sure whether I feel like it’s necessarily worth it, or whether I feel ready to trust my heart again to people who let me down when I needed extra support. That’s not to say the relationship can’t flourish again, but I can’t really be expected to jump back into the same level of vulnerability.
Of course, there is also the question of whether I am being too hard on my friends. I hold myself to a pretty high standard, and I think that can lead to me having unreasonable expectations of my friends.
I don’t think there are easy answers to any of these questions. So I’ll just keep trying to do the best I can.
January 28th, 2005 at
“That’s not to say the relationship can’t flourish again, but I can’t really be expected to jump back into the same level of vulnerability.”
Well, that’s certainly true.
And I think that we all have pantheons of friends, and that people move up and down as life ebbs and flows.
January 28th, 2005 at
I think rebuilding a lapsed friendship can take a long time.
January 28th, 2005 at
It’s hard. I know from experience. Things won’t really be the same again. That’s not to say things can’t be great and you can’t be good friends. But there have been hurts, and that changes things. And I think that it is best to slowly build back up the friendship, rather than trying to jump back in where you left off. But, what do I know?
January 28th, 2005 at
“It makes me stronger and makes me wince • It makes me think twice when I pick my friends…” Good song Kari.
January 28th, 2005 at
yeah, i have had a number of these issues crop up in the last year or so and i’m definitely the sort to need to address the past before moving forward. it’s really tough.
it’s enough to make me wanna be a hermit. (and BTW, i like that song also.)
January 29th, 2005 at
Enjoyed these thoughts and the title especially. Seventy times seven is a lot of forgiveness. You’d think the perpetra(i)tor would learn! But some are slow of senses/heart and it’s left to the smarter/loving ones to bear the brunt.
January 29th, 2005 at
i’ve got a quote, c.s. lewis i think, about how forgiveness when something happens is easy, but the real struggle is forgiving again each time a wrong comes to mind. been in much the same boat for awhile, and i’d give anything for people to “pursue” friendship again. having two sides wanting to reconcile is a huge deal.
thanks for posting this.