Forgive us our trespasses
On Sunday as we said the Lord’s Prayer at church, I struggled a bit when we said, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” On the way to church I was telling Mike about an area in which I am struggling to forgive and in which I am afraid bitterness is starting to creep in. I thought that it had gotten better, that I was past all this, but I’m not. It blew up in my face, and I’m upset, and I have been thinking about it a lot. First I got so upset that I couldn’t eat (very rare for me), then I got so upset I was eating all the time. My pants would like for this part of the cycle to be over. hehe.
If you scroll through the archives, you can see that forgiveness is a topic I struggle with a lot. I do tend to hold grudges (some might say it’s my “thing”) and I think I’ve gotten better, but I think my friends would agree that I still tend to overreact a bit when I’m hurt. Right now I feel really misunderstood and discouraged and just plain mad. It has helped the past few days to pray the Lord’s Prayer every time I think about this situation. When I get to that line, my heart says, “Hear that, God? That means I need you to help me forgive, because I am not doing such a good job, but I know it’s pretty important.”
I used to think I would get to a certain age and have all this stuff figured out. I thought it would get easier. While I don’t think it’s easier, and I have given up all hopes of having things all figured out, I do feel hopeful that I am becoming the kind of person who finds it easier to forgive. I see glimpses of that more often than I used to.
“In the evening of life we shall be judged on love, and not one of us is going to come off very well, and were it not for my absolute faith in the loving forgiveness of my Lord I could not call on him to come.” -Madeleine L’Engle
May 24th, 2005 at
Yeah, I have forgiveness issues.
[But I forgive you for selling me out earlier today. ;)]
May 24th, 2005 at
when i say that line, i tend to think i’ve forgiven people. but i don’t forget, but that’s mostly because i don’t want the same thing to happen again. i don’t know if i feel a grudge, but its hard for me to forget how someone hurt me deeply before. i’m wary to allow them to do it again. i used to hold a grudge with my dad for a long time, but one night at church, they talked about the importance of taking communion with a clean heart. and i realized all the bitterness i felt toward him did me no good, and it certainly didn’t help him. it wasn’t worth it anymore. i think i’ve moved past that, though i watch out i don’t fall into that bitterness again.
May 24th, 2005 at
i can dig it. i was “out of fellowship” for over 4 years with a girl who had gone to redeemer, but moved to TN a couple of years ago. she was pretty immature and hateful and i let it eat at me. since she refused to work things out, i just refused to have anything to do with her.
i was fortunate this spring to be in a small group with an elder at redeemer who used to be in a small group with her…and he offered to help oversee our emails, and she had matured a bit and was willing to talk things out, which finally led to some measure of reconciliation.
it’s tough when someone is just awful to you and doesn’t care, and it’s much worse if you’re determined to sit and analyze it to try to understand when you just need to let it go. (and i’d much rather hold on to it for some reason…”it seems bad things comfort me…”)
May 24th, 2005 at
A little bit of Madeleine seems to go a long way when I’m working through these sorts of things… good quote
May 24th, 2005 at
I struggle with forgiveness as well.. especially if I feel like the one that harmed me really doesn’t care or isn’t apologetic of their actions. I’ve realised, though, that my forgiveness shouldn’t be contingent on the apology or “asking for forgiveness” on the offender’s part. I also struggle with letting past experiences color the way that I view a person after we have conflict…marriage has really shown me that.