Who moved my cheese . . . into his or her stomach?
Many days I bring a Granny Smith apple and some cheddar cheese for lunch. When I am packing my lunch, I take the block of cheese and cut four slices from the short end. Lately, though, the past few times I have brought apple and cheese, when I have gone to eat my lunch there were only three slices. At first I thought, you know, perhaps I am misremembering how many pieces I brought. Perhaps I left one on the counter at home. Perhaps one fell out in my tote bag.
Or PERHAPS someone is eating ONE PIECE OF MY CHEESE. Every day.
Today, I was absolutely sure that I had cut four pieces of cheese. And when I pulled the bag out of the refrigerator, there were only three pieces. I went on a cheese rampage. I went around to different people saying, “Could you just let everybody know that the cheese and apple in the refrigerator are my lunch? That’s what I bring for lunch most days.” And, you know, now that I know for sure this is happening, I will bring my lunch in a grocery bag. To hide the cheese.
But this is not enough. I’m going to go all Veronica Mars on everyone. I’m going to interrogate people. I’m going to set a cheese booby trap. I’m going to find the person who is eating one piece of my cheese. What kind of freak eats one piece of cheese from someone’s lunch?
However, I am not Veronica Mars. So I don’t really have a plan. Help me think of a plan. Help me save my cheese.
May 10th, 2006 at
Coat all 4 pieces in ipecac. Whoever pukes is the thief.
May 11th, 2006 at
Jason and I think you should put laxative in the cheese (and of course not eat it yourself that day) and watch who is going to the bathroom often.
May 11th, 2006 at
Poison the four slices of cheese that you leave out in the open, then hide your four slices elsewhere in the fridge. Forget watching who goes to the bathroom, or listening for puking noises. Whoever ends up belly-up is your thief and deserved your swift retribution!
May 11th, 2006 at
Wouldn’t the cheese counteract the laxative?
May 11th, 2006 at
This reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross makes the perfect sandwich and his boss eats it. Then Ross flips out.
May 11th, 2006 at
who wouldn’t? it had the moist-maker!
May 11th, 2006 at
mike links to patrick swayze’s website?
May 11th, 2006 at
he’s like the wind through my trees, man.
May 11th, 2006 at
I forgot whatever witty reply I had when I read that.
There’s only one solution, Kari: a Web cam aimed at the fridge.
May 11th, 2006 at
mike, excellent phrasing…..i think
i like the slices of cheese from the big block. but i switched over to the deli slices of sharp cheddar. so good!