Through a Glass, Darkly

Spoilers for Gilmore Girls episode “The Long Morrow.”

After talking Theresa off a ledge Wednesday night, I realized that I’d better reinstate this feature. (Part of her problem was that she watched the premiere with someone who is a big Christopher fan. I have a hard time with Christopher fans. I actually see it as a moral failing. How could anyone prefer him to Luke? He’s ridiculous and immature and . . . don’t get me started. But just let me say this: If you’re a Christopher fan, I don’t see how you could possibly be happy with the finale and the premiere, because it certainly hasn’t painted him in a positive light.) I still do believe that Luke and Lorelai are going to end up together, but I fear we might have a ways to go before that happens, so, for now, these are the reasons that I am going to keep watching (and that Theresa should, too).

This was our first episode without the Palladinos (or, as Theresa calls them, “the bad people”), and, when it was over, I turned to Mike and said, “Not bad!” I thought everyone sounded more like their old selves – Sookie wasn’t as shrill as she’s been, Michel was funny, there wasn’t too much Kirk-and-Taylor, the girls were bantering, Paris was awesome . . . the show was fine. It wasn’t suffering. Sure, I didn’t like the ending, but it was pretty much what I expected. I figured he’d come back and apologize, she’d tell him about Christopher, and he’d leave. Check, check, and check. It was executed well, the writing seemed normal (Emily and I discussed how it was a little slow, maybe, but we couldn’t decide if that was a stylistic choice or we were overanalyzing it or if they hadn’t quite caught the rhythm yet) . . . all good signs. Also, it was sad, but I didn’t feel like throwing things at the end. Always a nice feeling.

I think it’s important to note that Lorelai did keep saying it was over with Luke for two reasons: 1. She didn’t want to wait any longer. 2. She slept with Christopher. At no point in the episode did she say that she didn’t love Luke, that she didn’t want to be with him. This is not about her not caring for Luke. If it had been, I might be giving up, but it wasn’t. Additionally, the main problem last season was that Luke was acting like a doofus. In fact, I even broke up with him about it. This week, Luke did not act like a doofus. So, if she still loves him, he still loves her, and he’s not acting like a doofus (man, I love that word), I think they can get over the Christopher incident. I mean, Christopher. I am supposed to see that peon as a threat? I laugh in Christopher’s face. I thumb my nose in his general direction.

It’s important to remember that this is likely going to be the last season. And with that being the case, the writers are going to try to close the overall story arc. Now, I certainly don’t think that a woman needs a man to be complete, and I don’t think that would ever be the message of this show. I think Rory, for example, could very well end the show without having a boyfriend, and that would be fine. Lorelai, though, has always indicated that her desire is to have “the whole package,” to have a partner in life. And so I think that the show will end that way for her. (Some people have said that she hasn’t grown up at all, but I see a big difference between season 1 Lorelai and season 6 Lorelai. I think she’s gotten much better at opening her life, which was the whole point of the first part of last season. But I digress.) So, who will Lorelai be with in the end? There are really only two main prospects, so I have to believe it’ll be one of them. It’s too late to introduce someone else. Will she be with Christopher, the man who brings out the 16-year-old in her, or will she be with Luke, the man who she was finally able to have an adult relationship with? Come on. How is Christopher even a valid choice?

And, yes, I don’t watch promos (and neither should you), so I don’t know exactly what these dire things that Theresa hinted at are. But I am not worried. If, as I suppose from the stress in her voice, these promos have to do with Christopher, then I say, “Bring it on.” Let’s get Christopher out of the picture once and for all (again, I think the appalling way he behaved in both the finale and the premiere - “Come on over and let me cook you some dinner, baby” – should be enough to prove that he’s not the long-term guy) so we can get on with the real story. If Luke was still insecure enough last season to freak out about Christopher (which was completely ridiculous manipulation to foreshadow Luke’s Big Secret, but never mind), then I think we need to do whatever we can to finally get him out of Lorelai’s system. I am not worried about Christopher. The look on Lorelai’s face after she left his house the morning after was enough to make me feel like it’s all going to be okay. Maybe not next week, maybe not next month, but, come May, it’s all going to end exactly like it should.

One of the things that I worry about in group situations is whether I am a picky person. I’m not the kind of picky person who, like one of my relatives, makes declarations that, “Deviled eggs are vile.” (I bet that made the person who made the deviled eggs feel really good. Also, what kind of adult makes proclamations like that? You’re not six years old. And, for the record, I love deviled eggs. Send them to me if you don’t want them.) I do have likes and dislikes, but I always try to be as polite as possible.

The first time that my hackles were raised was when I turned down the offer of pancakes on a retreat, saying, “I don’t care for pancakes.” My thought was, the previous morning I had managed to get pretty sick off of cinnamon rolls and coffee, and I wanted nothing to do with another sugar fest. The profferer looked at me and said, derisively, “You’re really picky.” (I think not eating pancakes shows good sense, myself. “Young man, you’re not having cake for breakfast. You’re having fried cake with syrup for breakfast. Now load up on that and try not to nap” . . . “Looks like I’m not showering today. I’ll be digesting those carb cakes for HOURS…”)

It cut. It did. You can see that coming out in the mint chocolate chip incident - I am terrified of being called picky. Which leads to me eating things that I don’t like. (It doesn’t hurt me, though. I swear.)

This is all ground we’ve covered before, but I was thinking this weekend about pickiness because Mike and I went to Bianca’s for their 24th annual Abbondanza. Mike commented that a lot of people wouldn’t care for the set menu format, because it requires some risks, but it was totally worth every penny we spent. I didn’t mind putting myself in Bianca’s hands, though, because I’ve never eaten anything there that I didn’t think was wonderful. Without one bit of exaggeration or hyperbole, I truly believe that the Abbondanza was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. Plus, it was the fanciest meal I’d ever had, seven courses of deliciousness. Just so we can remember, here’s what we had, and what we thought.

Appetizer: Fried italian bread with an olive tapenade

I love olives, so I was in heaven. Mike likes olives less than I do, and even he was able to appreciate the flavors. Just delicious.

Salad: Romaine with peppercorn caesar dressing, fried parmesan cheese, roasted pine nuts, and proscuttio

Our only complaint was that the salad had a little too much dressing. Otherwise, yum-o. (hee.) I didn’t eat all of this because I thought, “This is only the second course! I need to slow down!”

Pasta: Gnocchi with sundried tomato and gorgonzola cheese sauce

I am not kidding when I say that this is maybe the best food I have ever eaten. Oh. My. Goodness. I didn’t want this course to end. I wanted to take boxes of this home with me and eat it for the rest of my life. It was fantastic.

Fish: Sea bass in an herb broth

Mike and I are not big fish eaters (Mike had a Bad Salmon Incident), but this was quite good. It’s a fairly mild fish, and the herb broth was good.

Sorbet: Lemon with champagne

I always like sorbet, but there was something extra special about this one (oh, maybe it was the champagne. hehe). Seriously, it tasted great and got us ready for the entree.

Entree: Pork arrabiata, a veal spear stuffed with something and anchovies, and a side of cabbage

Of the whole meal, the cabbage was the only thing we thought maybe wasn’t the best. The pork and veal were both great, though. I let Mike finish my pork, but not because I didn’t like it, just because I was getting pretty full.

Dessert: Custard with a side of strawberries and dark chocolate

The perfect way to end the meal - each of the flavors was wonderful by itself, but combined together they were exponentially better.

Now, see, with all those things, I couldn’t possibly be a picky eater! Look how much I ate! (How defensive am I?! Also: I can put away some food!) I even ate some of the cabbage (I am not opposed to cabbage in general), but I decided that if I didn’t love it, I should save my calories for dessert (and I’m glad I did, because by the end, I couldn’t possibly have eaten one more bite).

Last month, Mike and I went to see Snakes on a Plane on a Thursday night and Little Miss Sunshine that Saturday afternoon. We appreciated each in different ways, but as I commented to a friend, “I don’t discount the very great pleasure of being married to someone who can enjoy both of those movies with me in one weekend.” Likewise, sharing this meal with Mike made me happy to be married to someone who enjoys food, whose tastes, while not exactly the same as mine, overlap enough that we could both enjoy what we were having. Those aren’t the most important things in a marriage, but, as cheesy as it is, I like it when we can appreciate things together, when things like movies and food and television shows and trips are experiences we can share. I am thankful to be traveling this life with him by my side, especially when that traveling involves fantastic food.

This morning I heated milk in a saucepan for my coffee. I poured it with the coffee in my to-go mug, added Splenda, and headed to work. Around 9:30, I suddenly thought, “Did I turn off the burner?” I am fairly notorious for leaving the oven on (*cough*) and for leaving burners on accidentally. (And, also, since I’m being honest, for turning on the wrong burner. I clearly have an stove problem.)

I remembered standing by the sink, pouring the milk into the mug, thinking, “I need to turn off the burner.” What I couldn’t remember was whether that had actually translated into any kind of action. And so, at lunch, instead of curling up in the breakroom with The Moon by Night, I drove the twenty minutes home to find . . . that I had turned off the burner.

Thank you, thank you very much.

At least today was a beautiful day to be driving with the windows down, listening to a CD that Susan made for me. I can’t really complain about getting to be outside. And my peace of mind was definitely worth a nice car ride in the middle of the day. I can say, though, that it’s clear that in the mornings, I should not be allowed to use any appliances that don’t automatically turn themselves off. (Thank you, Mr. Coffee.)

I have certain ideas of what I want relationships to look like, how I think people should act, what a family is. All of us do that to some extent – we all bring expectations to relationships and situations around us. There have been some times in my life when those expectations weren’t matching up with what I thought they should look like, and I have had to reevaluate and either try harder or adjust to a different reality. I’ll be honest – that’s hard for me. I don’t think that my expectations are necessarily wrong or unrealistic, but it’s hard when there’s nothing I can do to make my reality line up with what it is that I want.

The past few weeks have been about realigning – my dad passed away on September 10, and the reality of family that I have known and cherished now has to change. My dad won’t be there to taunt me before the Carolina/Duke game or to shake all the presents on Christmas morning. He won’t be there when Mike graduates from college or we have kids or when Joseph gets married. My new reality is one that hasn’t hit yet, and I don’t think it’s going to be something that hits all at once. It’ll be scattershot over the years to come, a bittersweet feeling at times of great joy, a sense that he should have been here for certain things, that there were things he would have loved to see. Things we still need him for.

There are other ways that my reality has changed as well – expectations about how people would respond in this difficult time that were, in some cases, frankly not met. Of course there were dozens and dozens of thoughtful individuals for each hurtful or insensitive thing that was done. The truth is that no matter how much I think I might have a handle on a person, he or she can still surprise me in all kinds of ways, both good and bad. I should emphasize that the surprises have been mostly good, but where they haven’t, the pain has been sharp. In some cases, I have seen myself deliberately choosing to let the other person off the hook. In other cases, I haven’t quite managed that. And when I have the time and emotional energy, I’ll have to renegotiate my way through some of those relationships as well. Not publicly, not necessarily even with the other person. But I’m going to have to think through my expectations and readjust.

In Sunday’s bulletin, I saw the following quote: “Nothing separates us more from God and our fellow human beings than our grievances. If you want to avoid God, concentrate on money, status, health, but most of all on your grievances.” There have been times in my life that I have focused too much on my grievances against people, and I think that I’ve gotten better about that. Now, as I adjust to my new reality, I don’t have time to focus on grievances. All I have time for is grief. In a strange way, I’m thankful about that, because I don’t want to hold on to the ways that I have been hurt and let down. That was something my dad always encouraged me to work on, so, in a small way, it feels honoring to him to choose forgiveness over bitterness. I just wish it didn’t make me feel so lonely.

Category: Catching Some “Z”s.

Thursday, September 7: $400

MIKE IN HIS BEST ALEX TREBEK VOICE: A swift, black and white equine of Africa.

KARI: ZELEPHANT!!!!

MIKE: . . .

KARI: WHAT IS a zelephant?

—

Friday, September 8: $1200

MIKE IN HIS BEST ALEX TREBEK VOICE: It’s the river that runs through Victoria Falls.

KARI: Hmmmmm.

MIKE: What is the Zile?

KARI: What is the Zississippi?

—

Saturday, September 9: $2000

MIKE IN HIS BEST ALEX TREBEK VOICE: It’s the cardinal number indicating the absence of any or all units under consideration.

KARI: What is zeven? No, what is zine?

MIKE: What is one zillion!

KARI: Zeven is a holy number.

—

I would just like to say that I know Mike doesn’t love his new getting-up-early schedule, but I like it. When we don’t get up at the same time, we don’t get to do the morning bathroom Jeopardy questions together. And clearly, morning bathroom Jeopardy questions are the best way to start the day. (What, like you don’t keep a Jeopardy calendar in your bathroom?)

Things I don’t like today: dead batteries, leaky toilets, broken headlights, secret family recipes, watermelon, dry skin, clinginess (in clothes and people), overhyped recipes, pens that have run out of ink, dropped calls, uninformed opinions, The Girls by Lori Lansens, waiting for packages that never come.

Things I do like today: mechanics who come to your house, fresh peaches, flip flops, The Office, school zones after 8:25 am, driving stick shift, 80 degree weather, fluffy bunnies, strongly worded emails, the fact that some of the leaves have started turning, Book Lover’s Trivial Pursuit, this video clip of Ken Jennings (first heard on Wait, Wait, which I also like), Diet Coke, potential road trips, the Carolina Panthers, Elizabeth Berg, Richard Petty, and my iPod (The Brain).

I guess the good outweighs the bad. (It’s easier to see if I write it all out like that.)