Laden with Thoughts

Sometimes it’s a relief to know that someone else feels the same way I do about something. At other times, it’s almost painful to think of another person experiencing the same emotions I experience during certain days (weeks, months, etc…).

Kari recently posted about being worried that people may not want to hang out with her. She often feels that if she calls her friends she will be bothering them. Kari… I feel the exact same way as you do. And I also think it stems from feeling not good enough. I constantly feel like I do a bad job at being a housewife, a friend, and a Christian.

It’s such a bad feeling… and you just feel more and more lonely. Tonight I am at home alone, and will be going to bed alone (Josh is out with friends). I feel sad and neglected, even though it was my decision to remain at home tonight. No one made me stay behind. Yet here I am, sitting on the floor of my living room, feeling tired, sad, and terribly lonely.

However… as much as I hate to be alone, sometimes I crave being alone, just because it means I won’t be bothering anyone.