Laden with Thoughts

Liam, walking into the kitchen where I am cooking, with two crackers in his hands: “I have two crackers!”

Me: “Yes, you do. Good counting.”

Liam studies the crackers. After a moment, looks up and asks: “Honey, do you want a bite?”

Success! Today I earned a wink from a male who was touring our office building.

AND I WASN’T EVEN WEARING A GIRDLE.

Nope, just good ol’ control top panty hose.

Panty hose: 1
Girdle: 0

Well, it’s almost the end of the year. All the faithful bloggers are posting their end-of-year-lists, such as “My Favorite Music of 2007″, and, “My Favorite Books of 2007″. I’m not going to do those things. You know why? Because I really like you, and I don’t want to force you to read all about Elmo sing-a-longs and every single book about counting apples I read this year. I doubt you’d enjoy my play-by-play of Baby Einstein’s “Baby Beethoven” dvd. It’s unlikely you would still be reading once I expounded upon, in great detail, the joys and sorrows experienced by Thomas the Tank Engine and his rascally caboose.

Perhaps you would like to hear Liam sing a song from Dragon Tales. No?

Would you like to witness firsthand the interpretive dance Liam has created to go along with Jingle Bells? Are you sure?

Wait! Come back here. I won’t subject you to any more of this. At least, not in this post.

Where was I? Oh yes. End-of-year-lists. Because I didn’t see any movies or read any exciting new novels this year, and because I didn’t have money to buy new albums or time to listen to them, I give you my End of 2007 List:

Things I Did Not Expect to Happen in 2007.

1. I did not expect my husband to take a picture of my placenta (in all it’s bloody glory) after Maeve was born in May.
1a. No, I will not share the picture with you.
2. I did not expect Seamus to vomit heaping piles of who knows what all over my brand new braided living room rug. The day after it was delivered.
2a. Yes, the vomit looked slightly similar to the picture Josh took of my placenta.
2b. No, as I already told you, I will NOT share the placenta picture with you.
3. I did not expect to buy or wear a girdle at any point during this year. Or any year, for that matter.
4. I did not expect the Boston Red Sox to WIN THE F’ING WORLD SERIES!
4a. No, I will not shut up about it.
4b. What’s that? Come a little closer and say that to me. No, it’s fine. I just want to show you something.
5. I did not expect the New England Patriots to have a 14-0 start to the season.
6. I did not expect the Boston Celtics… yes, fine. You get it.
7. I did not expect I would drink as many margaritas this year as I have. Consider it making up time from the 2 years I was pregnant.
8. I did not expect our bedroom hallway to still be cluttered with boxes from last year’s move. (Same goes for the basement.)
8a. I really, really don’t know why I didn’t expect that. Everyone who ever reads this BLOG expected that.
9. I did not expect Liam to become a rabid Kanye West fan.
10. I did not expect to switch from Starbucks Eggnog Lattes to Peppermint Mocha Lattes.
10a. If you know me, you know this is a big deal. A HUGE deal.
10b. Part of this switch is rooted in my fear of angering my favorite baristas by forcing them to steam eggnog. The poor things.

So there is my 2007 list! In all seriousness, though, I had a terrific year. Maeve was born with no complications, and now she is 6 months old and a beautiful addition to our family. (Liam is even starting to get used to the fact that DA BABEE will be sticking around for a while.) My family (including my poor dear Josh, who has put up with me for yet another year of crazy marriage) has been happy and healthy this year, and I couldn’t ask for more.

Happy end of 2007. Bring on 2008!

Tonight I was feeling motivated to cook (which is rare now that the kids keep me busy) but we don’t have much in the house food-wise. I rummaged in the freezer and found some small chuck steaks, and in the crisper was an unopened package of baby carrots. Victory! The result was actually pretty tasty, and it only took about 20 minutes to prepare and cook.

Broiled Steaks:

4 small chuck steaks
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp ground black pepper
1 tbsp italian seasoning

Turn on broiler. Place steaks on an aluminum foil covered broiling pan. Sprinkle salt, pepper, and italian seasoning evenly over steaks. Drizzle on the olive oil and worcestershire sauce. Broil for 5-10 minutes depending on thickness of steaks and desired pinkness.

Honey-Glazed Baby Carrots:

1 bag baby carrots
3 tbsp unsalted butter
3 tbsp honey
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp ground black pepper

In a steamer over boiling water, steam baby carrots for 8-10 minutes (or until tender). In a pan, melt butter and honey together. Add salt and pepper. Once sauce is warm, add steamed carrots and stir until carrots are coated evenly and heated through.

Edited to add: Please note the lack of starch in this meal. I don’t want to be wearing a girdle forever, you know.

This just in:

Girdles don’t protect you when you slip and fall on icy cement steps.

Ice: 1
Girdle: 0

Let me explain. No, there is no time. Let me sum up. I have given birth to two babies in less than two years. Consequently, my body kind of hates me now… and I pretty much hate my body. Although I’m getting used to it. Before pregnancy I was a size zero (it’s silly that that is a size) and now I’m between a size four and six. That is absolutely fine with me, I am perfectly happy to be that size. However, my big problems with my “new” body include: ragged stretch marks all over my torso and butt, saggy empty belly skin, icky love handles, and national geographic-esque breasts.

(Boys, I understand if you need to stop reading at this point. I probably should have warned you earlier.)

Now, it was fairly easy to deal with these body image issues whenI got to stay home in my sweats all day with the kids, but now that I’ve gone back to work and have to wear actual clothes and be seen by actual people, I have a much harder time facing myself in the mirror each morning. My work trousers show all my little bumps and lumps… my tummy rolls over the top of my pants (muffin-top!) and other bad things happen that I don’t care to speak of on this public blog. Suffice it to say, it makes me sad.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY SOCIAL EXPERIMENT:

The power of girdles.

That’s right… I said girdles.

I worked this week on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. On Monday, I wore a cute sweater and a very nice pair of pinstriped trousers with sexy black pointy-toed patent leather stilletos. On Tuesday, I wore brown trousers with a red silk sweater and tweed flats with jewel embellishment.

BUT. On Thursday, I wore gray pin-striped trousers, a tasteful v-neck rose-colored sweater (read: just a hint of cleavage), and my stilletos again. Underneath these clothes, instead of my normal underwear, I wore a GIRDLE which smoothed out my tummy. (It also caused me to not be able to breathe or eat all day long. But you know… technicalities.)

Please allow me to share with you the results of my experiment.

Monday’s attire: NO GIRDLE.
Monday’s male attraction level: Pretty normal, no big hellos or smiles, just a few pleasant greetings and head-nods.

Tuesday’s attire: NO GIRDLE.
Tuesday’s male attraction level: Hardly anything. A few nods.

Thursday’s attire: GIRDLE!
Thursday’s male attraction level: Male barista at Starbucks looks me up and down. Gets nervous and messes up my coffee. When finished with coffee, says, “Here is your DELICIOUS beverage” while giggling nervously. Male customer holds the door for me as I leave. ALSO. Male boss enters my office to tell me some jokes. Tells me I’m doing a wonderful job at work. Goes into my (female) boss’s office to tell her what a good job I’m doing. ALSO. Some high mucky-mucks from our main office come to tour my office building. I walk down the hallway past them, they literally trip over themselves to introduce themselves to me. Please note: I have met these men several times before, and was never given a second glance.

You know, at first I was laughing and thought the change in attitude was funny. But as the day went on (and believe me, I didn’t list all the examples I could have), I was feeling pretty weirded out. Did I really look that different before without a girdle on?

Ah well. I guess I’m not above a little girdling (yes, I’ve decided that’s a perfectly acceptable term) to do well in life. At least I know I get to go home, remove the girdle (read: release the beast), and put my sweats back on at the end of the day. My poor, poor husband.

Tonight, I am happy. My beautiful children went willingly to bed without complaint or temper tantrum. My husband cooked dinner (eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, toast!) without being asked. Life couldn’t get much better.

And the Red Sox are kicking butt. Indeed, my friends, they are kicking ASS. And although I would love them and support them even if they didn’t kick ASS, it makes it so much easier to love and support them when they are on the eve of their 2nd WORLD SERIES VICTORY in 3 years.

There’s not much more to report. Except that life is wonderful. Blah blah.

Tonight I was intending to write out a long, philosphical essay about my recent thoughts on life. Now that I’m here though… I don’t know what to say.

Life makes me tired. And I’m confused about things I’ve always thought myself to be sure of. We’re wasting our time down here, you know? We could be doing so much good. Taking so many chances. Trusting solely in God and leaving our foolish doubts and ideas behind.

Of course, when I say “we”, I mean “I”. I’m ashamed.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything about it.

Every summer I look forward to the beginning of one of my favorite television shows in eager anticipation: BIG BROTHER!

Who else watches this show? (Geof, you don’t need to answer that. Hehe.) There’s something so interesting about locking 13 or 14 people into a house for an entire summer and watching them interact, create and destroy relationships, and basically try their best to function as if they are living in a completely normal situation. And of course, there’s the added drama of asking these “houseguests” to vote out one of their own each week.

This year, I went the extra step and subscribed to the 24/7 online Big Brother feed. I am actually quite ashamed, yet I can’t stop watching. One thing I’ve discovered: a creepy feeling comes over me while I’m watching these people do normal things, like fold clothes or get ready for bed. While I know that’s the point of the whole show, to watch these people live their lives, and while I know they know they’re being watched at all times… I still feel like a gross person.

But… I can’t look away! This morning while feeding Maeve (5:30am my time, 2:30am Big Brother time) I watched the houseguests go to sleep (in my defense, several of them were whispering about strategy after the lights were out) while Evil Dick was outside in the courtyard, chainsmoking and playing croquet. He was also unabashedly farting and burping.

Yep, folks, that’s what I’ll pay $14.99 to see. A 40-something year old rocker farting and talking to himself while playing croquet in an Alice in Wonderland themed courtyard. I am a creepy stalker.

And proud of it.

My favorite birthday present from the last couple of years is the U2 video iPod, given to me by my generous parents and husband. I confess, although I am crazy about how useful and fun the iPod is, the true reason I love it is that it has the signatures of Bono, The Edge, Adam, and Larry etched onto it.

So. Fabulous.

These days I’ve been listening to my music a lot more than I’ve been listening to the radio, which is a big change from previous months. (Partly because Liam has started to really understand language and repeats whatever he hears over and over again… it was time to stop listening to “It’s just you and your hand tonight”.) It’s been nice to hear songs and albums I haven’t listened to since high school and college, some of which inevitably bring back both silly and serious memories from those days. I love that music evokes strong feelings in me, and reminds me of people and places I’d long since forgotten.

For example, “Flood” by Jars of Clay is a reminder of my first high school youth group missions trip, where I realized I truly wanted to dedicate my life to Jesus. (It was also where I became friends with Josh. We started dating 6 months later.) My friends and I would cram ourselves into 15 passenger vans each morning, excited and nervous about the work we would be doing that day, and sang “BUT IF I CAN’T SWIM AFTER 40 DAYS AND MY MIND IS CRUSHED BY THE CRASHING WAVES” at the top of our lungs.

I’m feeling a little stuck musically now, however. I still enjoy all my old music, but I really haven’t bought much new music since being married and having children, and I’d love to get back into the habit of finding new artists and albums that move and uplift me. Plus, I’m making new memories now, and in ten years I hope to have albums that I can take out and listen to that remind me of these days with my children.

So, kind readers, would you offer suggestions of what music I should add to my iPod? What music moves you, encourages you, makes you feel a certain way when you listen to it?