Mrs. Sweet

My husband is at worship practice. I am here in our apartment and other then the cars driving by on the street and the sound of my hands typing on the keyboard it is awful quiet here in our apartment. I don’t mind the quiet or being alone as much anymore. I have grown used to it.

I work as a nanny to a baby girl and spend most of my days with her. I love my job and most of the time, despite having to get up at far too early of an hour in the morning (5:30 am) and long hours I look forward to the work of it. It isn’t unfamiliar to me, I was the head teacher to a class of 10 infants, 8 at a time with an assistant teacher made for chaotic days. Lately though the work has meant a different thing to me.

I guess the change has been in how I look at it. Before when I worked in this field I didn’t see it as something that was obtainable to me and now I am filled with hope. Phil and I are in the process of becoming foster parents and I have faith that someday I will also give birth naturally. I know the Lord will be faithful to us. It has been just over a year since we took that leap of faith to start trying.

Each month that passes I am a wash of emotion. I wonder if we are too unprepared financially, do I have the patience, what would it really be like? Then I wonder why it seems like all the babies go to other people when I feel like this is what I was born to do? Why can that lady on the reality show have 18 and I am left with empty arms. I know God has gifted me to care for children, sometimes it feels like they will always be someone elses.

Waiting has never been my strong suit. I waited 26 years to be kissed. I wonder what it will truly be like that day I lay eyes on that sweet baby. I know no one ever is really fully prepared for all that entails. When we started filling out the foster care/adoptive parent paperwork though it started to feel a little more real. When we signed parent #1 and parent #2.

Heres hoping….and praying….