The Fortress of Solitude

November 6th, 2008

I try not to be serious, it’s not my style. Every now and again I will have something on my mind that needs to be said, even if it is a serious subject. I have been thinking a lot lately and this is something laying heavily on my mind.

Life has changed for me these past few weeks, but then again it’s still the same. On October 11^th My sister, Christy passed away, very unexpectedly. The usual crap that happens when a loved one dies followed. Tears, hugs, food. Then more tears, hugs, and food. The funeral was surreal, as was life in general for a while. After the week that followed was over though, I was expected to go back to normalcy (what is normal anyway). I wanted life to stop with me, instead it went on without me. I got back to school, two tests behind. Back to work one paycheck behind. I had to play catch up and find time to grieve. It wasn’t easy, it still isn’t. I’m caught up with everything I was behind on now. I thought when I got to this point life would stop again for me, but it’s funny how there is always something else to do. At times life does seem normal, but then I will see something or think of something that reminds me of her and I can’t help but lose myself in thought. Sometimes I wish I didn’t think about her every day, but I know I do want to. I don’t want to forget the life she lead and the love she had. It hurts me to know that she is gone, but it’s important to remember.

Life didn’t stop for her, it began. She knew the answer to one of the most important questions in life. Sometimes we forget what this is. I think I have. I wanted life to slow down for me so I could figure out where I was going from here. The important question isn’t “Where are we going?”. The where is decided by the answer to another question. Who are we going with? We can’t understand where we are going until we know who’s going to get us there.

I don’t know where I am going in this life. I only know who I am going with. My faith is in a God who loves. My faith is in a God who cares. My faith is in a God is strong when I am not. Most importantly my faith is in a God who is real. As life goes on, it’s these things that keep me going.

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Next time you want life to slow down, so you can figure out where you’re going. Ask yourself instead who is going to go there with you.

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