Community
I find it ironic that we sometimes chafe at giving up our privacy and individual preferences to develop community with our brothers and sisters in Christ but seem to be able to accept the inadvertant community that occurs between complete strangers who are thrown together in an apartment building.
When we were first married Mark and I lived in several Christian “community” experiences. One was sharing a house with another married couple. Another one was sharing a house with 7 other people (one other married couple, two single women, 3 single guys, and a HUGE dog). People thought it took great courage (or insanity) to live together like that. It certainly was both challenging and delightful. There are days I would never want to relive, and moments that I wish I could recreate. Once our house was so close to our neighbor (good friends who we wanted to live near) that we could practically pass things to each other through the window. In the summer our dinner conversations were sometimes conjoined.
But it was by choice! Now I find myself living “in community” with complete strangers. We hear our neighbor upstairs whenever she walks across the room. When she takes a shower between 9:45 and 10:30 pm every night the water drains from her bathtub and fills up mine before exiting the building. My tub gets her soap “ring.” The lady downstairs is hard of hearing and falls asleep to the TV in her bedroom (directly below our bedroom). The TV is on all night. When we put our head to the pillow we can listen to the Tonight Show or QVC or some middle-of-the-night infomercial. I hear the clock chiming from an adjoining apartment. We share a laundry (and the inevitable sock or embarassing piece of undergarment that gets left behind must be retrieved by a neighbor). And what do they hear from our apartment? Snoring, alarm clocks, music?
We smell each other’s dinner cooking. We look out for each other’s mail. We notice when something is not quite right in the building. We are some kind of “family” but we aren’t really sure about it. We wonder what the new person will be like and if they will be able to follow the unwritten rules (putting the garbage in exactly the right place, turning the basement light out, making sure they have 80% of their hardwood floors covered with rugs). We live our lives as if the others didn’t really exist, trying to ignore all the private pecularities of each apartment’s inhabitants, and yet, when we meet in the corridor or on the pathway to the parking lot we talk like we are old friends, but never ever reveal what we “know” about them from the lack of privacy.
Why is it sometimes easier for us to let strangers “know” us? Why am I less embarrassed that these strangers know our daily routines and quirks than my close friends? So much of our country works so hard to isolate themselves from the rest of the world and chooses exactly what part of the day and their life they will share with others. I think of other countries (or places in cities) where there is no choice, where you hear and share everything with the rest of the village. I suppose to some degree, you just ignore (much like we ignore the things we hear and never say anything about). I think of the refugee camp we visited in Hungary and the amazing juxtaposition of dignity, lack of privacy, family, community, greed, poverty, and play. Sometimes we get to choose how close we live our lives with others, sometimes we don’t.
I guess I miss “real” community because here we are giving up all the privacy without any of the perks. Sure we try to minister to those around us (and there are even Christians… even WTS students… living here), but I think I would enjoy sharing meals again and having time to talk and do errands and live out life with other Christians in the kind of way we did when we had a big house that we shared. Well, who knows, the future may hold more crazy living situations for us.
But the thing I really want to develop is the ability to be vulnerable with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Dare I let the walls down more? Dare I not? For the true benefit from Christian community (whether we live in the same house or not) is that we can know each other in a way that allows the mercy of God to come to us and change us in a way that no other relationship is able. We all have blindspots, and we all are expert at avoiding the very people who can help us see those blindspots! Since we are united in Christ then we are “in community” by default and we should take advantage of it! We are sharing our lives whether we realize it (or want it!) or not. I need to take advantage of that organic community and dare not isolate myself. The risks and payoffs are both enormous… and, oh so vital.
January 25th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
I hope and pray that, soon, you will find this level that you and Mark need.
January 25th, 2005 at 4:55 pm
Great post. And good thoughts on community.
January 25th, 2005 at 11:29 pm
I was asked a question once as I sat on the front porch of camp and looked across the still lake at Elephant Mt, Scammon Ridge, and the wilderness that surrounded us. “If man was meant to be in a community why do we seek solitude?” I
January 26th, 2005 at 12:18 am
Philip, I think solitude is an essential part of community. Even as Jesus lived with, ate with, and ministered with his disciples (and all those who followed him), he still sought out solitude for refreshment. But therein is the key…for refreshment, not for a continual place to dwell. Solitude (whether at the Island Camp or in the middle of the Library of Congress) is a healthy place to recharge the soul, but we need to get back to community to use that “charging.” We don’t want to end up being batteries on the shelf, we want to be in a flashlight that is being used to illuminate the dark places!
January 27th, 2005 at 8:54 am
Well said, Karyn!
January 27th, 2005 at 10:02 am
BTW, Mom, Phil was half-joking. This is always a joke that we have whenever someone talks about the greatness of community! haha