I Miss My Mom
It’s been a little over 18 months since my Mom died. She was relatively young… just 67. In the last year of her life a bone marrow disease quickly escalated and depleted her health. I am so thankful for the family reunion we had planned for the summer before she passed away. All the sisters had been planning the get-together long before we knew that our Mom might not live long past that date. It was a wonderful day of sharing memories and just being together. And we took pictures… lots of pictures. My Mom with all her daughters (there are 4 of us), with all her grandchildren (11) and greatgrandchildren (2 at that time who could sit in her lap, 1 at that time on the way), and with the entire family… who all miraculously were able to be there.
I am now the oldest person on my side of the family (except for one first cousin once removed). Very sobering.
Of course the initial grieving is over and we all rejoice that her hope was in her Lord, Christ Jesus, and that she is in his presence. And I’m so glad I (along with my sisters) was able to be with her during those last hours of her life here, and saw that death really had lost its sting for her. But every now and again I see a picture, a postcard, a piece of paper with her handwriting, a string of tiny glass seed beads, or something with an elephant on it (she loved elephants) and I am drawn back to my love for her and my sorrow at the separation. Somehow I just can’t bring myself to delete her from my address book.
I had almost forgotten that my birthday is coming up until I got a card in the mail from Mark’s mother. My Mom never, ever forgot a birthday. No matter where we were living I could count on a card with some silly sticker or rubber stamp image on the envelope turning up in the mailbox. When we were overseas she wrote often (one summer she wrote a postcard or letter every day), she said it was her way of participating in our work. She was such an encouragement through those often mundane, but always precious, newsy notes. That is a gift I hope I can pick up in my own life and encourage others with. Her life was full of small and seemingly insignificant acts. But her life was a testimony to how God can use the most unassuming people to do some of his greatest work. She wasn’t perfect, she had her problems and quirks (don’t we all?) but I become more and more amazed and grateful for the life she lived and what she invested in me (and the rest of my family).
While the card from Mark’s mother was precious and means a great deal to me, there will not be a card from my Mom coming this week to my mailbox. That makes me sad. And I won’t be able to send her a Mother’s Day card this year. And that makes me sad too. I think it’s ok to be sad on occasion. My faith is not shaken; I am not mad or despairing. It’s just that every now and then, unexpectedly usually, I will find some tears sneaking out of the corners of my eye. Sometimes the warrior really is a child.
So, I miss my Mom.
April 28th, 2005 at 6:58 am
Yeah, I agree that it’s okay to be sad … but your love for her is quite evident.
April 28th, 2005 at 7:07 am
“Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”
April 28th, 2005 at 8:48 am
Tigger … Camp of the Pines … Nibbles … “buttah” … head scratches … “Keep an eye on the Little Ones” … a cereal box and an orange every year in the toe … the list could go on forever, right? Many, many hugs (and tissues) to you.
April 28th, 2005 at 8:58 am
how about the squeak of the laundry line out Barbara’s bedroom window? I think of
Mom when I see one of those pulley lines hooked up from someone’s house to a tree!
And peppermint patties (”Grammy Mints” in my house now). And marigolds. Definitely marigolds. AND scraping paint/wallpaper off the dining room with pancake flippers - Mom was very clever to utilize you “Big Ones”’s would-be-boyfriends (they wished!) by lining them up with scrapers in their hands at the peeling wall if they wanted to visit you!
yes, the list could definitely go on.
much love, from the littlest of the Little Ones.
April 28th, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Ah, it is good to recall the simple memories! We should find a time to sit down with a cup of tea together (if not in person, perhaps in a virtual group chat) and remember (and laugh!).
Thanks, Carl… for coming out of the woodwork and for that always wonderful quote.
May 6th, 2005 at 7:48 pm
Karyn, Thanks for reminding us of our moms. My mom is still alive, to which I am very grateful. Your post made me appreciate her even more. May we all tell our moms how much they mean to us before we do not have the chance. Thank you for being a role model for many of us “younger” moms:) (I’m not that much younger!!). Take care sweet friend:)
July 15th, 2005 at 9:21 am
I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. I just typed in that phrase and then clicked on your site. I’m 37 and still have my parents, but they are in their 70’s and it starts to get scary.
My older sister is married and has 4 children. I love them, but fear for them in this world. Sorrow and Joy I am learning the hard way!!!!!!!! 
I’m glad your Mom had Faith. I’ve learned a lot about God, but still don’t understand. In His presence is supposed to be a better place. But, it is hard to let go of all the loved ones and memories here. I’ve had many bad times, but God has truly blessed me with many good times and memories, seems moreso after I came back to Him. But now, it just seems kinda hard to press on!!!!!! It’s hard to know you are becoming the older generation and people younger than you are relying on you!!!!!!!!! 
I know God has a plan, and I guess we’ll understand it better one day, “they” say!! 
Thanks for sharing your story and picture!!!!!!!! May God bless and comfort you as you continue to heal!!!!!!! God Bless!!!!!!
July 15th, 2005 at 9:35 am
I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. I just typed in that phrase and then clicked on your site. I’m 37 and still have my parents, but they are in their 70’s and it starts to get scary.
My older sister is married and has 4 children. I love them, but fear for them in this world. Sorrow and Joy I am learning the hard way!!!!!!!! 
I didn’t appreciate my parents when I was younger, but now I love them so much. Even when we don’t get along. My mom and I really didn’t get along when I was younger. I never felt like she really accepted me or that I could talk with her. She just wanted the best for me and my sister, I know now, but she just came across overbearing. I can look back and see how hard it must be to be a Mom. Giving birth to these little creatures, not knowing what you’re going to get and knowing you are responsible for nurturing them and guiding them and providing for them!! What a hard job parents have!!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad your Mom had Faith. I’ve learned a lot about God my whole life but especially the last 11 years, but still don’t understand everything. In His presence is supposed to be a better place. But, it is hard to let go of all the loved ones and memories here. I’ve had many bad times, but God has truly blessed me with many good times and special memories, seems moreso after I came back to Him. But now, it just seems kinda hard to press on!!!!!! It’s hard to know you are becoming the older generation and people younger than you are relying on you!!!!!!!!! 
My sister’s kids are ages 4 to 14. I know God has a plan, and I guess we’ll understand it better one day, “they” say!! 
Thanks for sharing your story and picture!!!!!!!! May God bless and comfort you as you continue to heal!!!!!!! God Bless!!!!!! (If you get a chance, say a prayer for me. I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety and fear on my journey in this life) Thanks!! And God Bless again!! I imagine in Heaven one day, we’ll have a Big Family Reunion!!!!!!! 
July 15th, 2005 at 9:41 am
Didn’t mean to send #7.
But, since I’m back…..I like the song by Twila Paris, The Warrior is a Child!!!!!!!! 
God Bless!!!!!!!! 
July 19th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
My mother went home to be with the Lord on 2-26-06.
She also suffered with a bone marrow disorder which was turning into a leukemia. I found this blog today after I put in the search “I miss my mom”. She was only 71. I am now 50 and I really do miss her. She gave me so much counsel and help all of my life. I too find myself in tears many times. I look forward to the day I can see not only her but our Lord.
Thanks for your prayers.
Brian