Jessica is finishing up her second year as a 5th grade teacher and already got her pink slip. We were expecting it because, as the fourth and least experienced of the 5th grade teachers her spot was not going to be there next year with only three 4th grade classes moving up into the 5th grade. We know that she’ll be teaching summer school, which is a Godsend, but we’re not sure where she’ll work come August/September or if it’ll even be in the teaching profession. I’m working hard to get through school as fast as I can so that she won’t have to work any more. Here’s a life lesson that I’ve learned (very foolishly, mind you) the hard way: Get through school, get a degree even if you’re not sure what you want to do. Don’t wait around until you’ve figured out what it is you want to be “when you grow up,” because you’ll find that you’ve grown up and you’re already behind the curve and life happened and now you have to play catch-up. I’m taking five courses this quarter in the hopes that if I can take enough five course-quarters that will shorten the time I have left in school and we can start making babies sooner! That and I see clearly that Jess has no love of working and it pains me that I was so lazy and irresponsible as a single man as to wait to act that now my wife is paying the price of being the breadwinner while I scurry to catch up so we can get on with our lives.

I have a great deal of respect for fellas who are more mature than me, who “do because it needs to be done,” rather than wait for an epiphany. Geof Morris, if you read this, you’re the man.

Ok, now back to homework.

September 1 I propose to my girlfriend Jessica Arterburn. (she says yes!)
Later in September we move our wedding date to December!
December 28 we MARRY! (Pictures and other misc at williamandjessica.net)
December 30 we Honeymoon on a cruise ship to MEXICO!
Now she’s back teaching 5th grade and I’m working and schooling full-time…we are a busy little lovenest.

Woo-hoo! I’m a married man, finding a want/need to journal/blog/put thoughts into words…I think that Chasing the Wind may become (more than it is) a place to talk about stupid annoyances, amongst other things. Iono. We’ll see. 8o)

I read it and see a desperate, lonely child who misses his father and I flash back to a conversation I had with a colleague who told me of his divorce and how his ex wife, in a counseling session while they were still married, finally comes out with the truth behind their marital problems. As it turns out all that she wanted from him was his sperm and an alimony check, as she was a subscriber in the notion that she (and other women like her) could raise a child, work steady, and be completely, independent and autonomous from a man. She believed that men (husbands, fathers) were purely a barrier to successfully raising children. And I find that completely sad. Sad for her past that brought her to this belief. Sad for her children which will not know a loving household. Sad for those who, for the sake of their own “independence,” enslave their children to the life of childcare and parentless-nights because of their own selfish ambitions. And then I see this from a child who longs for her (his?) father and is saddened by the loss and lack of his presence and guidance.

This is one of the saddest things to me that has resulted from those who would use terror and might to rob families and this nation. And we haven’t even touched the religious, moral, or national consequences that we could discuss.

SPECIAL GARDEN (A Child cry to his Daddy)

In my garden, I will plant some of Daddy’s things

The hat he wears for his favorite baseball team.
His special notes he wrote to me.
His favorite songs he likes to sing.
His special collect cars he bought last spring.

His favorite tie that has grease stains.
His favorite fishing pole, even though he has never caught anything.

And I’m going to plant some of my tears, these come from me.
Every night before I go to sleep, I will go out to my special garden
and pray over Daddy’s things.

(c)copyright Natasha Flowers 2002

So brief update: Since March of this year I’ve relocated from OC to near San Fransisco to be in the same town as my beloved, her hometown of Pleasanton. After a number of seemingly random things I’m living in Jessica’s folk’s newest house up at a country club and she AND her folks have moved in until her new place is finished being remodeled.

Fast forward to now: at 2:30 am I hear car door slamming (strange time of night for this neighborhood) and rush to the door (without shoes OR a weapon…strange for me) only to peer out the window and see a running car waiting on the street with lights on and the light of a flashlight roaming around the cars parked at the house across the street. The beanied caucasian late-teen/early-twentysomething male makes his way across the street my way to the house next door. I imagine getting shot but proceed to unlock the door and turn the lights on, yelling, “HEY!” and stepping outside toward the street only to see the fella run downhill and the car pull forward after him. I run out, barefooted and get a license plate (although I think I may have been wrong about the last three numbers) and the culprits get away. Meanwhile I have awoken the household and my girlfriend and her father have come out of their subsequent rooms and proceed to ask me what happened. I stammered what I saw and immediately go to my room to write the plate numbers down and dial 911. I tell the dispatcher from the Sherrif’s Dept. what I saw and heard and finally went for a knife and flashlight to check the house for anyone who may have been left behind. Of course there was no one and the night suddenly slowed down from its strange and sudden excitement. Later another car arrives and I rush out again only to find two Sherrifs and tell them what little I told the dispatch.

Now it’s just about 4 am and I’m finally going to try to get some sleep. But I’m not taking my shoes off. Not tonight at least.

I come to you in time of need;
It’s your direction that I seek.
Teach me Father, to be meek,
so I can honor you.

Keep me safe, O God, (Ps. 16:1)
For in you I take refuge.
Hold me near, Dear Lord,
for I’m weak without you.

I say to you O LORD, (Ps. 16:2)
“You are my Lord.”
Apart from you I have
no good thing.

I close my eyes to see your face
in the stillness of your Grace.
In the quiet of this place
I will worship you.

Take my life from me
so that I can serve you.
Give me love, my Love,
So I can give it too!

Words by William
Music by Kenny

This is Jessica. She rocks me to my toes. And yes, she rocks my face off!

I am a lucky man. Or blessed, rather.

Click on this big monster of a photo:

Evidently I haven’t quite got the photos figured out yet…but you get the idea!

Basically I don’t take the time to blog. And that sucks. I want to. So I shall.

8o)

More to come…

Meanwhile, my suckiness has lessened severely, and there is a new certain someone in my life. Anyone still reading, she’s a beauty. And if I can figure out how to post a pic, I’ll do just that.

Since then I’m about in the same place with my creditors, I’ve acquired $5,000 more in debt with a doctor/hospital because I got sick and hadn’t signed up with insurance, bought a truck for another $15,000 in debt, am working two jobs for barely $24,000 a year, work my butt off still, sometimes seven days a week, am not really happy with either job and there’s at least six months to a year before I could foresee any real positive change in either job, and my room’s not even clean.

I suck. And I’m mad. And I don’t see anything in the immediate future to fix it.

Aaaaand I think my ranting is over for now.

Bleh