A Teddy Lover’s Travels…

I was sitting at my computer today and I was thinking about how there are times when things seem more real than other. My wedding became really real to me for the first time in a long time. It seems strange to think that, that is the case now.
It took me a long to get this to be real to me. Today for whatever reason at whatever time it became real to me. It’s like my brain woke up to the idea again. I feel better about this whole thing.
I feel so much better now like now that this is real I can mentally start picturing what that day will be like.
I’m stuck on what to say for vows I mean I have thought about what I could say, but now I think I might have come up with some ideas. I just have to put them on paper.
I feel like I’ve gotten somewhere, but I have so far to go.

As I once stated in one of my lj posts, I’m packing up my room. My load of stuff that I had, is starting to get a little lighter. Getting rid of things is hard, but I’m going to have to if I want to live somewhere else. I can’t take every thing with me.
Somethings have been hard for me to get rid of. Like a lot of my old childhood books, and other things like that. Somethings are as simple as throwing things away that are no longer in good shape. I haven’t really started boxing up my room I’ll probably start that in the next week or so.
A part of me never wants to leave this house. I’ve lived here almost all of my life. I also know that I have to though because I’m being lead into a new place with the man I love.
It seems strange that you could be so attached to a house, it’s not living or moving or talking. It has just been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents moved into this house before I was born. I’ve left a few times over the years, but I’ve always come back to this house. It’s going to feel odd not having this be home anymore.
I can’t stay here forever not as long as my mom nags me about everything. I feel so trapped by her and having my own place will get rid of a lot of that. In some strange way I’ll find a way to miss her nagging me all the time when I leave.
I haven’t even started on my closet yet. I’m scared to see what I’m going to find in there, not really though I’m mostly just avoiding it since it is so full of crap.

I was thinking about all the fun that Laura and I have had over the years. When I move out I’m going to miss her very much. We have had so many late night talks. And more fun over the years.
For sisters that are 5 years apart, we get along very well. I’m going to miss her saying things like “You shouldn’t go out looking like that,” “Go get an expensive makeover.” She is the one that has a lot of fashion. She’s the one who I also go to when things get sour. Not so much in recent years, but when we were younger.
I guess she is still going to be there for me but our relationship is going to change.

I would like to take this time to share with the few people who read this how lucky I am that I have a man who cares so much about me. I can have the worst day where nothing is going right and I can call him and just hearing his voice makes my day better. I never knew it was possbile to love some one as much as I love him.
I miss him when I don’t get to see him. I miss the days when I got to see him everyday. But I know that in a very short amount of time I’ll get to see him everyday.
I just want to say that I love him so very much and he means the world to me. Posting this is very hard because it is making me cry to think about how much I love him. I’ve never had someone who will hold me close and be there to kiss away my every tear.
He lets me be cute and silly and most importantly myself when I’m around him. No one is as nice to me as he is. He not only loves me but treats me with more respect than anyone I’ve ever met.

Most of my pants come from my sister. She can’t get them over her hips or something crazy like that. The last few pairs of pants she’s given me have been really expensive. That is so nice to have nice pants but not have to pay for them.
The thing is they would be considered a hand me up. Laura, my sister only buys the best so I’m hoping O get more pants from her.
The jeans I’m wearing right now are some of her old ones. They fit me really well, and are some of the most comfy jeans I’ve ever had. But I guess when you sister is into disigner clothes or at least copies of them you are going to get nice pants no matter what.

Over the next few months my life is going to change in ways that I’ve only dreamed about. As a girl I used to try and imagine what it would be like to get married. Now as that day grows ever closer, I begin to wonder what this day is really going to be like.
I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with the man I consider to be my best friend. I never knew I could be this lucky. I have the best finacee a girl could ever ask for. He treats me with so much love and respect. I hope that everyone feels this lucky when they meet the man they love.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I love you hun. Just a little over 8 weeks left.

I was sick today. So Erik took care of me all day long. He got me whatever I wanted when I wanted it. He mostly just held me and let me sleep next to him or near him.
He was so kind and treated me with so much respect. I like being taken care of when I’m sick. I’m doing better now, but let’s hope I’m even better tomorrow.
It’s not every day that you can find someone who is willing to take care of you. That I think is one of the many reasons why I love Erik.

This is something that I need a blog that people read. I haven’t been able to find one, but maybe this will change now that I have one of these. so now all of my friends can see this blog and the best thing is I don’t have to lock it since no one I don’t get along with is going to know about it.