A Teddy Lover’s Travels…

So all is quiet in my house and Erik just left aim. I’m sitting in front of my computer. I realized that my wedding gitters are back.
My dress fitting I guess it was yesterday since it is 1 am, made this day seem all the more real to me. Made it seem like I really get to walk down that isle. Made it seem like the day that I’ve been wondering all my life is about to be a memory of the past.
I’m having a slight amount of gitters, but I think they’ll go away. Of course I get to walk down the isle and marry my best friend, the person who seems to matter to me more than anyone.
Everytime I think about my wedding I have a little bit of mist in my eyes. I know that I’m in love with Erik. I know I love him, not only that but he’ll take good care of me.
I also can’t forget that God is a part of this too. He made the two of us and there is no doubt in my mind that we are soulmates.
Leaving this house, the main residence for most of my life makes this a little harder. I have only a few more sentences left to write about the time in my life that I’ve lived in this house. It’s time to start a new one, one all about being Erik’s wife. It’s time for me to leave and start something better. I know that I can do it. This is in no way going to be easy for me, but as long as Erik’s there he’ll make it better.
I thought the days leading up to my high school graduation were full of emotions. I’d have to say that the days leading to my up coming wedding are even more so. I’m happy that I get to marry the man I love. Nervous because I’m going to have a bunch of people watching me. Sad and happy at the sametime about leaving this house. Sad in someways that I won’t be mom and dad’s little girl anymore. I’m just nervous about starting a new chapter in my life.
Mentally I’m constantly preparing myself for this day. It’s time for me to go before a bunch of people some I know well, some I hardly know and other’s I’ve never met, but most importantly before God, and it’s there that I will become Erik’s wife.
I’m ready to be the wife in a home and I’m taught to honor it since it is honor to wear the crown of a wife. I’m thankful that I get to keep my own house and do my own laundry. It’s time I grew up a lot. I’d say that I have grown up more in these past 13 months than I have in the last 21 years.
It’s time for me to pack up my room and take my memories with me of the days gone by and start my real adult life. I look toward my parents we are sharing some of our last days in the same house one last dance. I look towards Erik and he is off in the wings waiting for me to come and share our first dance as a couple with me.
In the next few days I have to sift through my bedroom and decide what needs to stay here, what is not worth keep and what needs to come with us. This is not going to be easy for me since this house holds almost 21 years of memories in it and everything has memories attached with it.
The time has come for me to move on marry Erik and take on the role as his wife. I’m ready to face this challenge. I love Erik enough to know that this is what I want to do.

As I once stated in one of my lj posts, I’m packing up my room. My load of stuff that I had, is starting to get a little lighter. Getting rid of things is hard, but I’m going to have to if I want to live somewhere else. I can’t take every thing with me.
Somethings have been hard for me to get rid of. Like a lot of my old childhood books, and other things like that. Somethings are as simple as throwing things away that are no longer in good shape. I haven’t really started boxing up my room I’ll probably start that in the next week or so.
A part of me never wants to leave this house. I’ve lived here almost all of my life. I also know that I have to though because I’m being lead into a new place with the man I love.
It seems strange that you could be so attached to a house, it’s not living or moving or talking. It has just been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents moved into this house before I was born. I’ve left a few times over the years, but I’ve always come back to this house. It’s going to feel odd not having this be home anymore.
I can’t stay here forever not as long as my mom nags me about everything. I feel so trapped by her and having my own place will get rid of a lot of that. In some strange way I’ll find a way to miss her nagging me all the time when I leave.
I haven’t even started on my closet yet. I’m scared to see what I’m going to find in there, not really though I’m mostly just avoiding it since it is so full of crap.