shades of gray

Life is not black and white, like I sometimes wish it was.

I’m the kind of person who has a “philosophy” for almost everything. A philosophy on dating, missions, teaching, ministry… This is probably due to the fact that I overanalyze everything. But I’ve found that as I get older, my philosophies continue to change. While I’m glad I’ve worked out what I believe on these issues, I realize that what I thought would work out so well in theory, doesn’t necessarily work out in real life. Basically, my head knows what I think and should do, but my heart doesn’t always agree.

For example: relationships. I can have it all worked out in my head ideally how I will just let a guy pursue me, and not be the pursuer. And how I will be wise and make good decisions. And how I won’t fall for someone who it would be better to not fall for. But, alas, in real life my emotions don’t follow the logic of my philosophy.

So, yeah, while my “philosophies” have all these struggles worked out in black and white…they are all just theories, that don’t necessarily work out in real life.

I was discussing my philosophy of ministry today with a friend. Basically, I think that ministry flows out of our intimacy with Christ. And as we are more intimate with him, we will be more aware of ministry opportunities, and be better ministers. So, after a bit of discussion on this, I was saying how I know these things in my head, but at this point, I’m not really as intimate with Christ as I should be.

So, he asked me a question that I didn’t know how to answer, but it has stuck with me throughout the day. “What are you intimate with, nowadays?”

I know that I don’t take as much time or effort as I should to become more intimate with Christ. So what is replacing that intimacy?