the hatching of my heart

Well the night was cold and my heart was hidden buried safely in a shell
But I knew somehow I’d have to run that risk I’d have to open up myself
But You said, look at the stars on the face of the sky
They’re the same ones Abraham saw
And under my wings I will make you shine
Give you strength enough to love
Oh, I’m getting strong enough
You helped me chip my way out
And open myself up

And for the snow that comes with winter
And for the growth that comes from pain
And for the joke I can’t remember though the laughter long remains
For the faith that brought the finish
All I doubted at the start

Lord I give you praise for all that makes the hatching of a heart

Well my face was smooth and featureless
Just like an egg
And if I was moving you would never guess it by the look upon my face
But you said Man looks without but I look within
I can see the love you hide.
It’s a matter of doubt.
It’s a symptom of sin
It’s a problem of too much pride

I, now I’m opening up wide. (I have no idea what this line says)…..has pulled out from beneath me and you’re teaching me to fly
For the strength that comes with friendship
For the warmth that comes with hope
For the love time can’t diminish
And for the time love takes to grow
For the moonlight on the water
For the bright and morning star

Lord, I give you praise for all that makes the hatching of a heart

I was reminiscing about Rich Mullins yesterday, so I pulled out the only Rich cd that I brought with me: Brother’s Keeper. (I was sad when I realized this was the only Rich cd I have with me). And this song stopped me dead in my tracks. I always forget how much I love this song. It never fails to speak to me. And especially right now, when I am struggling with dealing with the hurt that came from opening up my heart. But, I need to remember that God helped me “chip my way out and open myself up”. And he knows the pain that comes from a broken heart, but he also knows the growth that comes with that pain. I personally would prefer the growth without the pain, but that’s rarely how it works.

I also love the line “It’s a matter of doubt; it’s a symptom of sin; it’s a problem of too much pride.” How true is that? The reason that I don’t want to open up my heart is that I don’t trust God enough. And pride…that dreaded word that seems to be the root off all my issues. I don’t trust God because of pride. I think I know how the situation should work out. I think I know what is best. Dang pride.

So, once again, here I am again with the same issue…pride. So, I am asking God to continue to break down my pride. (Which is a scary thing to ask…it often takes heartache to break my pride ) And I’m asking that he would continue to chip away the walls that I put up around my heart…and that I wouldn’t continue to put those walls up despite the hurt.

I bet if I read my journal from 3 years ago, it would say the exact same things. Will I never learn?