hearts and hands

This week, I really let go of something that I have been holding on to tightly for far too long. God gives me gifts and I hold on to them so tightly, afraid that if I don’t he might snatch them right back.

Often, I hold onto things too tightly. I have all of these hopes and dreams that I cling to. Not that it is bad to dream and hope and desire certain things. But for me, there are certain things that I need to surrender to God. But instead, I grab onto them and wrap my fist around them and hold on tight, afraid that if I let go of them and give them to God, that he won’t let me have them. But this week I decided to let go. To open my hand and let God do what he will. Whether he takes them away from me completely or gives them back, I am holding them with my palm upturned. I am holding on to these hopes with an open hand rather than holding on tightly.

And you know what, it’s amazing what freedom that brings. It’s not my job to connive and scheme to try to fulfill my hopes and dreams. It is God’s job to take care of me. And I think I know what’s best. But the fact is, God really knows what’s best for me. He created me. Who better to know what my hopes and desires are and how best to fulfill them?

Not that it has been easy to give up these things, not knowing whether or not God will give them back to me. I have cried many tears this week. My heart is broken. But I need to give them up without expecting that he will give them back to me. I need to trust that his plan is perfect. And though my heart is broken, I am resting in the freedom of the knowledge that God holds me in his hand.