Prayer Requests and the Litany of Despair
What is it about prayer requests? Is there anything that we Christians do within our little subculture that is more depressing than sharing our “prayer burdens” at a prayer meeting/small group/Sunday School class? I mean, make a list of your typical prayer requests, and it will probably look something like this:
â–¡ Responsibilities - work, tests, deadlines
â–¡ Health issues
â–¡ Unsaved relatives & friends
â–¡ Major decisions
â–¡ Traveling mercies
â–¡ Ministry events & activities
â–¡ Money
â–¡ Suffering (other than health)
â–¡ Missionaries - often very general (”bless…” “be with…”). Bless them how? Be with them in what way?
Several weeks of this in a row and you begin to develop, without meaning to, a litany of despair. For example, many churches list “prayer needs” in the weekly bulletin. In the typical church, this comes down to a list of various chronic illnesses, mostly among the elderly of the congregation. The same names are there week after week, usually until the person dies.
Or what do we share when we’re in a group and someone asks for prayer requests. See list above.
Now I want to hasten to state that all of those things are legitimate topics for prayer. And yes, we are called to “bear one another’s burdens.” But what do those kind of prayer requests, if they are the only kind we bring, say about our understanding of God’s kingdom work in our lives? And what do they communicate to any unbelievers who may be present when we share them?
You see, the thing that all of those requests have in common is that they are all asking God to change something in the external world, the world outside of ourselves. They are saying, to some extent, “God, I’m not happy with the way things are, and I want you to change the circumstances.” Not a single one of those requestst has to do in any direct way with anything that God might want to do “inside” of us.
How would it change the character of your next prayer meeting if you shared something like this: “Well, Thanksgiving holidays are coming up and that means a trip home to be with the folks. Please pray that it will be more peaceful than usual, as Mom always lays guilt trips on me about not being married yet and my Dad always drinks too much beer during the football games and then starts yelling and my brother just plays X-box for hours on end.” [This is about as far as typical prayer requests go.] “I’d like for that situation to change, but would you all pray that God would give me a servant’s heart during that trip. He’s helped me to realize recently that I usually just get all grumpy and resentful toward my family at the holidays. God’s been showing me that I’ve been holding up some image of an ‘ideal family’ as an idol in my heart. Of course, my real family can never satisfy that idol, so I take it out on them in grumpiness and sarcasm. Would you all pray that God helps me to have a heart of love and service to reach out to them this holiday?”
Think about the difference there. The second half of that prayer request focuses on what God cares most about….my own heart. Rather than asking God to be my celestial genie and change the external world so that I can go on being whatever I want to be, I’m asking him to change me. Think about the effect that sharing in that way might have on your prayer group. And think further how meaningful your sharing will be when you are able to return and share any little victories over selfishness that God gave you and how those affected your family.
What if prayer was more about changing me than changing my circumstances?
[This post was based on a discussion at my Dynamics of Biblical Change class led by Dr. David Powlison at Westminster Theological Seminary...a class that has been both fruitful in my life and fruitful for blog material!]
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October 11th, 2004 at 10:59 pm
[sarcasm]Come on, “name it claim it”, Prayer of Jabez; God is your magic genie - He’s obligated to answers your prayers, he is!![/sarcasm]. Yes, I tend not to share during “prayer times” of myself, but that of others, for guidance, wisdom, listening and patience.
October 11th, 2004 at 11:04 pm
Ooops, Paul…you saw my “test” post before I completed it! Hope you come back and read the complete post. What you saw just comes off as a rant!
October 11th, 2004 at 11:17 pm
Ah yes. Good thoughts. The issue that most people are unwilling to work on themselves. In my 32 years, I’m learning most people ten to “project” their on issues as the “problems” of others (when in actuality it is their own problem that they are unable to accept or correct). It’s much easier to pray for the external because the internal is too ugly … which leaves us a body divider and disconnected; honesty opens wounds and frees the soul.
October 11th, 2004 at 11:26 pm
Good thoughts, Paul. Why is it so hard to believe that the greatest miracles of God are not healed bodies but our own changed hearts? I never cease to marvel at whatever God has done in this stony heart of mine.
October 12th, 2004 at 1:39 am
You wrote that as a sermonette, didn’t you?
October 12th, 2004 at 7:18 am
I may have to print this out and take it to my Sunday School class.
October 12th, 2004 at 8:21 am
would you mind us using this in our small group? I’ve often been frusterated with prayer time simply seeming like a “catch-up time” i.e. what’s been happening in your life. There is a time and place for sharing, but I like how you speak of directing our requests towards the heart.
October 12th, 2004 at 9:26 am
Sure, use as you wish. From the credit-where-credit-is-due department: this is really a paraphrase of what Dr. Powlison taught last night, reconstructed from my notes. But the Christian Counseling & Education Foundation (CCEF) at Westminster, which sponsors these classes, wants this material to get out to the churches and encourages its use. Proper payback would be to alert your class to their excellent books and tapes (available thru the WTS online bookstore, which you can find from the link at top left).
October 12th, 2004 at 9:36 am
Right on.
October 13th, 2004 at 4:20 pm
I too have found the taking of prayer requests at times to be depressing, most often when they sound like a wish-list. However, I wonder if focusing on “changing me” is the full solution, though I appreciate your humility. There is nothing wrong with asking God to transform your family, for example. God wants us to have and desire good familiy relationships - they are not necessarily an idol, and may even be an indication of the way God has created your heart. When we take prayer requests, praises are requested as well, and I have found that praising God for specific movements of grace has revolutionized our prayer times…and it gets me and others excited about an active and living God!
October 13th, 2004 at 4:26 pm
Greg, I certainly agree with your additions to my “solution” for stale prayer meetings. I didn’t mean to sound as if praying for heart change is the only valid way to pray, but rather that we need to balance out the “please change my situation” prayers that tend to dominate prayer requests. We certainly should pray for God to work in the lives of others, and there are many biblical examples of those kinds of prayers.
October 13th, 2004 at 4:54 pm
That was fast!
Your website rocks.
You got me thinking…
What about combining introspection (heart changing) with praise, i.e. praising Him for the heart changes God has brought about through specific situations? That would be a compelling addition to our prayer meetings…
October 13th, 2004 at 5:25 pm
That sounds like the right combo to me, Greg. I think that’s what I was trying to imply by the last portion of my original post. Seeing tangible change in our own lives in response to prayer would be powerful fuel for worship.
BTW, are you related to Tim Sharpe, the seminary student at RTS Orlando? I read his blog regularly.
October 14th, 2004 at 1:13 am
Boy, that would really shake up the boat down here…Southern Baptists by default tend to steer clear of sharing their hearts, and my impression is that they assume it is inappropriate to do so, especially in a group setting. I wonder why. Just praising the way that God is working in external circumstances grabs attention, I’ve found lately.
Yes, I’m related to Tim. He’s my awesome younger brother. I’ve got some questions for you about UVa, Westminster and Tim Keller…can you send me your email address? Thanks bro.
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