i tape this show called ‘ed’ during the day while i’m at work and then watch the rerun later. i used to watch the show when it was on regular tv, and i still watch it with it in reruns. the last one i watched today was the one where ed had a lucid dream. so he found out why he was so hesitant to having a relationship with frankie. it turned out he was scared because it might be too perfect. he had been burned in the past of building girls up only to have them let him down by not living up to the expectations. i thought about this, and realized i am more the opposite, if i don’t think its going to work out, then i don’t want to even pursue it. i have three non-negotiables, and if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you may know a couple of them. (for those keeping score: be christian, like or be open to liking ryan adams, and be able to appreciate u2) you would think those wouldn’t be hard kept requirements, but as i alluded to the other day, like my friend jacob said about the blue album, i just don’t think i could date a girl who said something like “u2 is overrated and they suck”. i don’t ask that much when it comes to dating, just that i feel something real. the last girl i dated was everything i wanted on paper, but when we went out, there just weren’t any sparks. she was the safe bet though, i couldn’t find faults with her, but i just didn’t feel anything for her in my heart. i don’t want to settle for the safe bet. i want the challenge, so at the end of the day i feel i’m dating the dream girl and not that i grabbed the low hanging fruit.

so in the show, he wakes up from the dream where he realizes he still has some feelings for his dream girl, but ends up telling frankie he likes her anyway because he knows things can work out with frankie. eventually this leads to disaster, because he realizes frankie is not his dream girl (carol) and ends up hurting frankie. sometimes its better not to think and go for the less likely target. i’m always a person who’d rather just do something instead of not doing something and regretting it. it keeps me sane. last year i went out a couple of times with this girl who i met at a baseball game. i NEVER just call up some girl i randomly meet, but there was no way i was going to be able to live with myself if i didn’t do it. and even though things did not work out, and i ended up spending over $100 to learn from the experience, i don’t regret it one bit. so maybe next time i think “ah forget it, just ask her out and be done with it”, i’ll find ‘that’ girl that holds my interest and doesn’t make me think “for crying out loud, does she have to curse that much” or “i had no idea she was so clingy”. :)