today was a great day. the new pastors at church are pretty cool. the sermon was about finding out God’s calling in your life and going for it. i sat there thinking about what my calling is. i don’t even know. i look at so much as temporary. my house, not somewhere i’ll live forever, my job, not something i want to stay at long term….what am i doing? maybe i need to skip blue like jazz and go straight to searching for God knows what. i will try to read blue like jazz before thursday, or at least a good portion of it. (sound good jacob?) you know that part in saving private ryan, where priv. ryan turns around to his wife and says “tell me i’ve lived a good life…tell me i’m a good man”, that’s all i really want. am i supposed to want more?

last night thomas had some people over to his house for some grilling out, beers, and xbox. it was a great night. although finding out claire knew thomas and his fiancee already continued the weirdness. alright, how many times when you’re dating someone does the person already know some people you know? yeah, that’s okay for one or two people, but its getting bad. she knows FIVE people that previously had no connection other than they are from work or my friends. its like the six degress thing, but with claire its one degree. so she came, and it was cool, but i still have been giving it a lot of thought and prayer. i was thinking last night when i got home that i want someone passionate, someone competitive. all that non negotiable stuff, that’s not really that important, at least not the particulars anyway. i just want someone to share my life with who would understand where i’m coming from. i’m passionate about clemson, music, movies, etc. none of that will change. i’m competitive to a fault sometimes. i mean sure, i’m not as good as thomas in halo or DDR, but am i enjoying losing? good thing i had a few shiner bocks in me. :) i was listening to ‘the scientist‘ earlier tonight. it wasn’t making me cry or anything, unlike some people i know (you know who you are!), and i couldn’t help to think of relationships i’ve messed up in the past. the last couple i’ve had, none of the intensity of past relationships even comes into play. they’ve just been “eh, yeah, its okay”. and through all of this, the lyrics from ‘table for two‘ give me comfort. as hard as it is, the words to that song are true. and hopefully one day soon i’ll look back and think “damn, that song used to get me everytime.”