joe collins: my life//in medias res*

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window…

November 20th, 2008 at 7:30 pm by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity)

It’s great to have a day off. I just wanted to say that. Today, I didn’t have to set an alarm. When I got up I didn’t have to walk immediately to the bathroom, hop in the shower, and hurriedly get ready for my day. In fact, when I got up I came into the office, opened the blinds, turned on the computer, and lazily greeted the day. It was beautiful. I wish all days would be like this. Of course, if all days were like this, there would be no job, and if there was no job, there’d be no computer, and if there was no computer, there would be no office, just a room with a desk.

I’m fairly certain there were more than a few superfluous commas in that paragraph, but I’m okay with that.

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Look around you, take a good look and tell me what you see. Are you sure this is where you want to be?

November 14th, 2008 at 12:57 am by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity, In-television, Life and Introspection)

The title to this post is from a song by Willie Nelson, whose music I’m drawn to for some strange reason this evening. I was listening to his album of demo sessions when this song came up, and I remembered it from an episode from the first season of Lost (my favorite TV show for those who don’t know me). In this particular episode the survivors of Flight 815 break up into two factions. Part of the group heads to the caves with Jack to dig in and try to survive. There’s fresh water at the caves, and shelter. The rest stay at the beach with Kate and Sayid to keep the signal fires burning, hoping for rescue. I remember watching this episode and trying to decide which group I’d be in. I don’t think I ever decided, and I’m still not quite sure about it. I’m at a place in my life where I have to make this kind of decision. Do I dig in and hope for survival, or do I keep the signal fires burning and hope for rescue? The truth is, I’m not sure I’m where I want to be, Willie.

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Is it okay to covet something if only because you think it’s cool?

October 30th, 2008 at 4:44 pm by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity, Around the Interweb)

I want a Thingamagoop!

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Make me sanguine, help me genuinely kill the doubt that strangles my self-worth

October 30th, 2008 at 4:17 pm by sillyjoe (Life and Introspection)

One of my favorite bands is The Avett Brothers. They have an ability to capture energy and emotion in their music like noone else I’ve ever heard. My life has been a range of emotions as of late. If there was a soundtrack, it would be the music of the Avetts. I’m trying to be sanguine, as their song suggests, but at times it is difficult. Light-heartedness has been one of my trademarks for most of my life. When people describe me they say I take things as they come, live in the moment, I’m easy-going, unencumbered with the worries of life. They’re wrong. I’m trying to be that again. I’m trying.

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I think that we can make it with a new beginning…

October 8th, 2008 at 12:19 am by sillyjoe (Life and Introspection)

I haven’t posted here in ages, it seems, and my life has gone in a thousand different directions since the last time I did post. I’ll try to catch you up as briefly as I can. In April I met a girl. Well, I’d met her before that, but we didn’t really start to get to know each other until April. I found out she had a crush on me, which was a huge surprise, and when I started to talk to her and hang out with her I realized how incredibly awesome she is. The 23rd of this month will be our six monthiversary. When I think back to what my life was like before Ashley, it’s strange to realize how alone I’ve felt for much of my adolescence. A loneliness that for much of my high school years was coupled with desperation. But this girl seemed to creep up out of nowhere, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Now to the less happy portion of the update…

For much of early July I couldn’t sleep. I was getting 2-3 hours a night at the most. I also started getting these awful headaches. I’m talking about the worst headaches I’ve ever experienced in my life. I told my girlfriend it felt like someone was hitting me in the forehead with a blunt object over and over again. All of this combined with a general malaise. I didn’t really want to do anything or be anywhere, and for some reason I started worrying all the time. About Ashley, about my job, about the church, about everything. I got a doctor’s appointment for a Tuesday afternoon to inquire about everything that was going on, and then about an hour before the appointment I started having trouble breathing, and freaking out. I realized I was probably having a panic attack. I’d never experienced anything like it before in my life, I sincerely thought I was going to die. Mom and Dad came home to take me to the doctor immediately (they got me calmed down on the way there, fortunately), and after seeing him I got put on some medication for my depression and for the headaches. Things started looking up: the headaches went away and I started sleeping, but the panic attacks began to happen more frequently. At least every other day, I had a spell. I had to be taken off the schedule at Ruby’s and stop leading worship at church because I couldn’t be counted on to show up because of my illness. I was afraid to go anywhere. The only thing that really kept me from going completely insane was Ashley. She seemed to know how to calm me down in the midst of an attack better than anyone else.

After about a month all of the anxiety/depression seemed to fade away. I don’t know if it’s the anti-depressant doing its job, or if I just got past whatever it was I was dealing with, but the issue seems to be mostly a non-issue now.

Then, my neck was bothering me one day, and I noticed there was a fairly large knot on the left side of it. A few days later, when it hadn’t gone down any, I went to my doctor to get it checked out and he told me the possible issues. It could be an infection in my lymph nodes, it could be a cyst, it could be leukemia, lymphoma, or any number of things. Some blood work was done, some antibiotics perscribed, and I was asked to come back in a few days. The blood work came back clear, no leukemia! I was incredibly relieved. But the knot wasn’t budging from the antibiotic. My doctor decided to order a CT scan to find out if the knot was in fact a lymph node or a cyst. A few days later I found out it was a lymph node and, guess what, there’s more than one. A needle biopsy was ordered. A week or so later, the results to that came back. Negative for everything. RELIEF! Good, right? Another week goes by, and the knot’s still there. My doctor wants me to see a general surgeon about possibly removing the lymph node and doing a full biopsy on it. Apparently it could still be lymphoma. The surgeon wants to observe me for a few more weeks before operating, thinks it’s still most likely an infection. Apparently these things take a long time to go down after they flare up.

So that’s where I am now. Lumpy neck, waiting and hoping and worrying. I’m back at work and should start leading worship again in the next few weeks. Pray for me whenever you get the chance. God continues to keep life interesting for me.

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Drifting along with a tumbling tumbleweed

March 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm by sillyjoe (Around the Interweb, Bloggerrific)

So I decided to start a tumblelog to have a place to put random youtube videos and quotes and flickr photos and such that I find, and I don’t want to crowd this blog with stuff like that either.

So, you can check out my new tumblelog on tumblr here.

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New Music and Video: last week of February, 2008

February 29th, 2008 at 11:12 pm by sillyjoe (Music, The Movie Corner)

Here’s the new stuff I picked up this week:

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Want to buy me a late Christmas present?

February 27th, 2008 at 4:29 pm by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity)

I want a beard cap!

They’re only the coolest things ever! I think I’m going to buy one and wear it all the time, even during the summer. The best part, nobody will notice if I forget to shave! YES!

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And it’s you when i look in the mirror…

February 23rd, 2008 at 1:19 am by sillyjoe (Music, The Movie Corner)

U2 3D is (according to its Wikipedia article) the first live-action movie to be done exclusively with digital 3-d technology. I was incredibly excited going into the theater, but that may have been about the glasses. I love 3d glasses. There was a part of me that was skeptical, because I thought there was no possible way that any U2 film could top Rattle and Hum, but now, as the dust has settled, I am in love with this movie. I had to miss the first two songs (friggin’ traffic), which sucks since they opened with “Vertigo” and “Beautiful Day.” As I entered the movie theater I heard the familiar (and awesome) bass line to “New Year’s Day,” and my excitement grew. No longer was my excitement only related to the glasses. I was at a U2 show! And everything was so amazingly vivid! I haven’t seen a film in IMAX since middle school, and I had forgotten how incredible the technology is. I sat as close to the front as possible without having to crane my neck, and locked my eyes to the screen. For the next 80 minutes or so (it ended way too soon!) I sat, completely riveted. This one gets five stars from me, and it’s renewed my U2 love…which is not good for my wallet. Here’s the full setlist from the film:

Vertigo
Beautiful Day
New Year’s Day
Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own (I was reminded how consistently good Bono’s voice is here)
Love And Peace Or Else (the following stretch of songs was pretty incredible and flowed perfectly)
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky
Miss Sarajevo
Pride (In The Name of Love)
Where The Streets Have No Name
One
encore
The Fly
With or Without You
credits
Yahweh

And, as I stated in the last post, it seems that these 3-d concert films are going to become new trend (If U2, the Stones, and Scorcese do it, the rest of the world is sure to follow). I surely hope so.

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