#10

April 19th, 2005 at 10:48 am by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity)

I think the tenth commandment is the one that I have the most problems with.

More to come….maybe.

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In a few hours….

April 15th, 2005 at 1:10 pm by sillyjoe (Adventures in Randomosity, Music)

I will leave to head towards my hometown, an hour away from here, Knoxville, TN…

Why?

Because, tonight I’m going to see Steven Delopoulos, Sandra McCracken, and Derek Webb with a full band live, for FREE. Why for free? Because my roommate owed me money. I am also going to finally meet the GFM. I’m excited.

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Nothing is ever enough…

April 14th, 2005 at 12:32 am by sillyjoe (Church Whatnots, Life and Introspection, Religion)

And you love her
But you know you’ve got to leave her
She’s leaving you with no way out - Derek Webb

So my family’s time at Buffalo Baptist Church has come to an end. The politics of church have taken over the love and community that once was. People who I thought loved and supported us turned their back on us, then turned toward us again, only to spit in our faces. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I may post a rundown, but it’s not something I feel I can relive now.

Tonight was the first time I attended a church other than Buffalo in five years. It was a strange feeling. To go somewhere, and not be the worship leader. To not be the preacher’s kid. To just be a visitor at this church. I don’t know if I liked it or not. It was so different from where I’ve been for so long now. I hope I can get back to where I can lead others in worship weekly….somewhere. I need that. It’s where I found my strength every week.

To all of those who may read this…please pray for me, my family, and what was once my church. The rebuilding process will be an interesting one for us all.

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We got to carry each other, carry each other…

April 12th, 2005 at 1:15 pm by sillyjoe (Around the Interweb)

Make a difference. ONE at a time.

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Sleep won’t come

April 7th, 2005 at 2:21 am by sillyjoe (Life and Introspection)

It’s late. But I can’t sleep. It’s another one of those nights. So, what the hey, I figure…how bout a self-depricating ramble?

This week has left me feeling shocked and confused. I can’t quite figure out what it is I’m supposed to do. School is sucking. I can’t find any motivation whatsoever. Church has been a problem as of late, for reasons I will go into soon, but not yet. Girls….we won’t even go there. I’m an idiot, as I always have been and always will be.

The situation that is my life tonight has served to remind me of only one thing. The inconsistency of people (including myself), and the consistency of God. And the fact that all of this, everything I’ve staked my life on, whether it be school, church, or girls….it’s all worthless. If I’m not in love with God, I’ve got nothing. And when I say in love with God, I don’t mean in the “Jesus is my boyfriend” way. Please, I’m not a 13 year old girl. I want to LIVE Isaiah 26:8, but myself keeps getting in the way.

My youth group kids, if they ever read this, should take heart in the fact, that their fearless leader, Joe….is an idiot who has no clue what he’s doing, and is not as on-fire for God as everyone thinks. Oh, I do the dance just great. I sing the songs, I play the songs, I say the words. And most of the time, I mean it. I’m sincere. But a lot of the time…I’m just doing the dance. Someone has to be up there. So I’m up there. And then I come home and I sit in my room or lie in my bed, and I just want to cry. I waste so much time at my life taking the magnifying glass to the speck in my neighbor’s eye, when contractors are building highrises with all of the planks coming out of my eyes. Hypocrisy? I wrote the book. I try to convince myself sometimes, that I’m this “good” person. That because of the “example” I set for others, that I’m okay, and that there’s nothing I need to fix. Oh, but we all know better than that, don’t we? I’m just another depraved piece of “decorated dust.” I’m not worth much.

I hurt people. I don’t want to. But I do. The words I say. The sarcasm that I think noone takes seriously. It hurts people. I treat people with favoritism, leaving others out in the cold. And all I can hear in the back of my head is “When you’ve done this to the least of these…” I’m a jackass. I really am. You know why the donkey talked in the Bible? Not to show some great miracle. But to show how close men really ARE to jackasses. Exactly.

If anything, this week has inspired me to live. Life isn’t easy, but it’s much better to live it the hard way than to not live it at all. Where the next few days, weeks, months, or years will take me, I don’t know. I know I’m not promised tomorrow. Or the next day. So TODAY, I will live like the last day…and the first day….of my live. I think of Buechner. Every day, he says, is both the first and the last day. This is the first time the rain will fall like that, the last time your child will cry like that. The first time that guy will hit that ball out of that field into that lake at that spot, and the last time that girl will kiss that guy before he gets on that train. I will live EVERY day like it’s the first and the last. Every day with a freshness and an alertness so that I miss nothing.

One thing that has gotten me through the rough times, and when I say rough times, I mean “my” rough times…which basically means the times that I’m a pathetic little boy who THINKS he has it rough….is friendship. I have three amazing circles of friends. Those at my church, those at my school, and those on the internet. That is a strange thing to say, indeed. There is a group of about ten kids, all within 4 years of my own age, who I call my youth group. Without them, my life would be pretty boring. They keep me on my toes, from the guys who make me laugh, and the girls who make me roll my eyes. From my brothers Jacob and Destry and Krusty (we ARE the four amigops), to my homegirls Sara and Heather, to my sisser Hannah, and my girl Jess… I think whoever invented the hug had some of these people in mind. Then there are my friends at school. A wide group of people, all serving a different purpose in my life. There are the encouragers, like my friend Rachel. Whenever I have a problem, I KNOW who I need to talk to. Noone can give an encouraging smile and a softening hug like her. And I appreciate that. There are those to make me laugh, like Kevin and Sam. My times spent with these two guys have been some of the funnest of my life. From late night trips to Perkins to late night Disney movie watching, it doesn’tget much better. There are also those, who never cease to just make me smile. Matt is one of the only guys I hug every time I see. He’s my brother, and I’ve only known him a couple of semesters. The other Rachel gives the BEST hug, and the way she looks when she sees me, and the JOE! that she yells…not much can make you feel better. Then there’s the Internet group of friends. That’s right, the fine folks at RMFO.net. A group of people of whom only a few I’ve met. I hope to meet more of you, and soon. The girls there actually tell me I’m hot, which alone would make me want to stay, but I’ve never felt more accepted or loved at a place than this. Every person in the community has their purpose, and we allwork together. That’s not always clear, but it’s how it works. And I can’t help but think that, as we all talk to each other, through computers, through wires stretched across the world…I can’t help but think that they are smiling, as I smile.

So there are things that make life easier. That make you want to live life. And that’s the people.

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